Setting House Rules when renting a room out

SweetLola

I have spent about 5 years in flat shares 1 out of the 5 years as the lodger and teh remaining 4 out of 5 as a live in landlord.

Spending time as the lodger helped me appreciate exactly what would help my lodger's feel at home.

The most important thing as a live in landlord is do not be desperate for money i.e be selective about your lodger and that will usually eliminate half the problems .

My house rules which are written into the lodging agreement simply read

HOUSE RULES

The lodger agrees to observe the following house rules

-No smoking in the house
-No pets or live animals.
-Do not leave open flames such as candles unattended at any time.
-Common areas such as the kitchen, living room and shared toilet and bathroom should be cleaned up and left in a presentable state after use.
- Guests and over night guests are perfectly acceptable. However the lodger should show consideration and seek an okay/ thumbs up/ agreement with flat mate for any guest staying for more than 1 day. The house rules apply to guests.
-Dialing premium rate or international numbers via the internet service or phone is strictly prohibited and the lodger will be responsible for costs incurred as a result of such misuse by the lodger or the lodger’s guests.

At the end of the day ...if I have chosen the tenant well and like them, I do want them to fewel at home because then they treat the place nicer and stay longer!

PS ...over the 4 years I've only had a vacant period of about 1 month . In fact I had one situation where lodger moved in before I did on a property I'd just bought in a new city (I was still in old city working my notice period).

Despite all the above , its yoru home and your life , so do set boundaries that you are comfortable with. E.g I've heard of room only lodgings i.e the sitting room is not thrown in and lodger simply uses their room and bath/kitchen ...and thsi works well for some . Same as not having guests etc ...yes it will limit the pool of prospective tenants but if you are restrictive the quality of the tenants you attract will drop ...at teh end of teh day any one who can afford better will look elsewhere

delightfuldior

I found this old thread whilst searching for advice abot my current situation.

Due to financial circumstances I have had to resort to renting a room off a guy. He responded to my ad on easyroommate.com and his situation is that his wife has left and he has had to remortgage to pay her out hence renting a room out to cover the increase in mortgage. He lives in a detached 4 bed house, luxuriously decorated throughout and the room he is renting to me is £325 ALL IN!!!

He has never done this kind of thing before but did ask for ground rules.. doesnt want to feel awkward in his own house, didnt mind my two dogs coming with me as he had lost two and loved dogs, wanted a female because of his 11 year old Daughter who stays over 3 days a week and wanted me to put into a food kitty..

I said that I had a bf but it wasnt serious at the time, I would like visitors and guests staying over but occasionally with prior notice but wouldnt want to put into a food kitty only one for loo roll, cleaning stuff etc... this was agreed.

Months down the line, my relationship with bf has got more serious and we see each other alot. I am not in much of a position to stay over at his as I have two dogs that I dont wanna leave overnight alone.

Anyhow He got me a double bed and openly said your bf can now stay over... which to me, leaves the invite open does it not???!!! So my bf has visited MAX one evening and gone home and stayed over twice in the week.. LL pulls me yesterday saying his house is a family home and doesnt want two lodgers!!!!!

I also got annoyed because although he says he loves dogs, he totally ignores mine, they love him and run up for a fuss and he blanks them.. he also shuts them out of the lounge when he is in there.. I love my dogs they are like kids to me and if I had known he would be so cold towards them I simply would not have moved in!!!! :eek: I know they are MY DOGS but he made out he loved them and would walk them as he missed his.. I said this wasnt expected but he insisted. He then starts moaning saying 'WHY CANT YOU FEED THEM BAKERS COMPLETE OR SOMETHING, YOU FEED THEM SOME RIGHT SMELLY STUFF IT STINKS'... my dogs have food allergies and get fed what I feed them. Simple. OK tripe smells but I clean up after making it and spray. What more can he want???

I couldnt quite make it out because my bf is very polite, isnt rude and only goes into rooms invited.. mainly my room. We are quiet and he doesnt touch his food only mine. This last weekend was red hot weather so we just sat in garden and I made us lunch. He only stayed Friday after a night out...

no paper agreement has been drafted and no bond taken.

When I moved in he was rolling in at 3am with his mates shouting and banging when I had to be up at 6am, my food has been eaten, he has his mates over without telling me (one of which is a perv) and I had to buy and set up my own tv areal and bed because he simply couldnt be asked.

WHO IS IN THE WRONG?????? he is obviously clueless here but have I taken advantage of him opnely offering for my bf to stay over and taken the mick? obviously no ground rules have been properly set in place but ... now I am worried he will realise he has bitten off more than he can chew and turf me out

:-(

BitterAndTwisted

No-one is in the wrong, I think there's just been some kind of misunderstanding, that's all. Try and detach yourself somehow and have a chat with him about it. From what you've described he's patently been giving you mixed messages about your b/f staying over so I think you should attempt to ask for clarification.

There's nothing to be done about his not interacting with your dogs. Personally, I think he's been quite tolerant about letting you bring them with you at all.

The bottom line is that it's his home and if you can't conform to his rules then you need to plan your onward move. I agree that it's irksome to find yourself in the position of being asked/told one thing and then to find the goal-posts have been moved but perhaps he has a reason for doing so? I suspect that he didn't have a very clear picture of what it would be like sharing his home with someone who isn't a partner or a mate. If you can't have a calm and quiet chat about it then I suspect things are in danger of getting worse, not better.

Fire_Fox

Nobody is in the wrong it is your landlord's house and what he says goes, even if that is one rule for him and another for you. Agree with B&T that it is time to move on.

Debt_Free_Chick

You don't say how long you've been there, but it's entirely natural that - after a while - people get on each other's nerves! It happens with families, students sharing accommodation, relationships, workmates .... it doesn't matter what the "relationship" is, you were always going to reach this point. And you have to bear this in mind if your only option is a house share of some description as, if you move out, you'll have to go through this again with someone else.

Open, honest and empathetic communication is the only way to go.

You need to look at this from his point of view and try to imagine how he feels. Some suggestions ...

Still pain from the relationship break up - he may still feel the rejection of having "been dumped"
He wants to be on his own, but has no choice - financially
He actually loves your dogs, but it's too painful to bond with them as he still feels the loss of his own dogs
It's painful being in his own house, with another person who is madly in love and enjoying a blooming relationship - and sex!
etc etc

Once you try to imagine how he feels, you ought to be able to express some empathy/understanding when you talk to him. So "I can imagine how difficult this situation must be for you, but I need to talk to you about some things that are bothering me. I'm sure if we understand how the other feels, we can work things out".

Don't attack him. Use phrases like "When you do/say xyz, it makes me feel ....." then explain how it makes you feel.

Be prepared to have to compromise. If he's not receptive to this kind of discussion, suggest you pick it up another time.

Remember, it's his house and you have to be prepared to compromise more than him.

Have a Plan B as well ... which might mean looking for alternative accommodation, but bear in mind that this situation is likely to arise if you move.

delightfuldior

Debt_Free_Chick wrote: »

You don't say how long you've been there, but it's entirely natural that - after a while - people get on each other's nerves! It happens with families, students sharing accommodation, relationships, workmates .... it doesn't matter what the "relationship" is, you were always going to reach this point. And you have to bear this in mind if your only option is a house share of some description as, if you move out, you'll have to go through this again with someone else.

Open, honest and empathetic communication is the only way to go.

You need to look at this from his point of view and try to imagine how he feels. Some suggestions ...

Still pain from the relationship break up - he may still feel the rejection of having "been dumped"
He wants to be on his own, but has no choice - financially
He actually loves your dogs, but it's too painful to bond with them as he still feels the loss of his own dogs
It's painful being in his own house, with another person who is madly in love and enjoying a blooming relationship - and sex!
etc etc

Once you try to imagine how he feels, you ought to be able to express some empathy/understanding when you talk to him. So "I can imagine how difficult this situation must be for you, but I need to talk to you about some things that are bothering me. I'm sure if we understand how the other feels, we can work things out".

Don't attack him. Use phrases like "When you do/say xyz, it makes me feel ....." then explain how it makes you feel.

Be prepared to have to compromise. If he's not receptive to this kind of discussion, suggest you pick it up another time.

Remember, it's his house and you have to be prepared to compromise more than him.

Have a Plan B as well ... which might mean looking for alternative accommodation, but bear in mind that this situation is likely to arise if you move.

hi thanks for this... I do know it has been hard for him to cope with his wife leaving him but its not stopped him bringing women back to the house and his own friends banging and crashing at 3am when I had to get up for work at 6am! his 18 year old son and friends getting drunk and spewing all over the bathroom I use and all over my bath towels - AND I HAD TO CLEAN IT UP!! my food being eaten etc. etc

I do know its his house and what says goes but I am a 32 year old woman who has my own life and I have not taken the mick and actually been a very tolerant lodger to date. I have been there 3 months. I clean the house without being prompted, I purchase loo roll, milk without asking for the cash (but I use his dishwasher tabs.. so its a compromise).

Surely if someone decides to rent a room out they have to accept that that person has a life too.. last night I had to pay for a hotel room just to see my bf!!! no it wasnt for a seedy night of shannanigans it was to simply sit and chill together.. why should I have to do this???? I cannot go to his place at the mo (another long story)

I do intend to move out and in with my bf but its not till end of july.. I guess I could bide my time, bite my tongue and just zip it???

Debt_Free_Chick

delightfuldior wrote: »

hi thanks for this... I do know it has been hard for him to cope with his wife leaving him but its not stopped him bringing women back to the house

An entirely natural reaction to rejection/relationship breakdown

and his own friends banging and crashing at 3am when I had to get up for work at 6am! his 18 year old son and friends getting drunk and spewing all over the bathroom I use and all over my bath towels

Not his fault, surely ... these are adults ...?

AND I HAD TO CLEAN IT UP!!

No, you didn't

my food being eaten etc. etc

Did they know it was your food?

I do know its his house and what says goes but I am a 32 year old woman who has my own life and I have not taken the mick and actually been a very tolerant lodger to date. I have been there 3 months.

It seems, though, that you want to live in someone else's house according to YOUR standards and - let's face it - we all have different "standards". Personally, I can live in a house without hoovering the carpet for 10-14 days (and I have a dog and a cat ... and live in the Country, with mud!) and it really doesn't bother me. But, I do understand that it could irritate the hell out of others.

I clean the house without being prompted, I purchase loo roll, milk without asking for the cash (but I use his dishwasher tabs.. so its a compromise).

Compromise is always the key to this type of arrangement.

Surely if someone decides to rent a room out they have to accept that that person has a life too..

I'm not sure they do. It would be great if they did, but you are effectively moving in to someone else's "space". You shouldn't expect them to change their lifestyle at all. indeed, you should seek a "landlord" with a lifestyle/values that matches yours ... and hope that they don't change or go through some life trauma that results in irrational behaviour. Quite a challenge, I think

last night I had to pay for a hotel room just to see my bf!!! no it wasnt for a seedy night of shannanigans it was to simply sit and chill together.. why should I have to do this????

It's difficult to comment without knowing why this is necessary.

I cannot go to his place at the mo (another long story)

So your situation is not unusual, in that, your b/f also has "issues" with his living situation ...?

I do intend to move out and in with my bf but its not till end of July.. I guess I could bide my time, bite my tongue and just zip it???

You're talking a month or two at the most. Do you really want the hassle of finding somewhere else and moving there for a few weeks?

I'm sorry if I've been harsh, but I'm really playing devil's advocate. And I speak as someone with two lodgers (of the opposite sex! and 10-15 years younger than me!), both have recently split with their partners and it's ..... erm .... "interesting" here But when I weigh up the advantages to them being here (company, money!! etc) they really do compensate for the niggles/inconvenience.

Life is about understanding and compromise - sharing living space is even more so.

Yes, I agree ... bide your time and move out in a couple of months' time

BitterAndTwisted

That's exactly what I'd do in your situation.

ess0two

pickledpink wrote: »

are they allowed to pass wind? Or do they have to half a mile up the road to let rip?:whistle:

pmsl.........

delightfuldior

I'm sorry if I've been harsh, but I'm really playing devil's advocate. And I speak as someone with two lodgers (of the opposite sex! and 10-15 years younger than me!), both have recently split with their partners and it's ..... erm .... "interesting" here But when I weigh up the advantages to them being here (company, money!! etc) they really do compensate for the niggles/inconvenience =

surely if someone is so desperate to have to lodge a room out in their house they have to accept that there will be things that they dont like but have to put up with?? its either that or no money right????

Life is about understanding and compromise - sharing living space is even more so = again, the LL chose to rent a room out in his house and accept that its not just for his personal space anymore.. compromise is the key here and he has none.

I had to clean the puke up because when I told him he was like OH RIGHT MUST BE HIS MASTES I SAW THEM LAST NIGHT AND THEY WERE HAMMERED................ no understanding that it was wrong to leave sick all over the bloody bathroom.... so I had no choice but to clean it before I could use the loo and shower

the food was in a plastic bag and I pointed out that if its in a carrier bag its mine.... YET THEY STILL ATE AND DRANK IT, I separated my food on its own shelf to find he had mixed it in with his own.... which I dont like..

The LL is bringing women back and yes I can hear them having sex which is fine he is an adult but !!!!!! should he do it and not me???????????? YES ITS HIS HOUSE but there is simply no compromise here at all.. at first he said i could have visitors then the other day he said he didnt.... totally unfair to the point where i had to pay out for a hotel room just to shill with my bf..

total toss pot