Depressed and in debt

shefmot

Hi,

This is hard for me to write but I'll try anyway. I have been having a bad time at work and it has been getting me down, on top of this we have been trying to get pregnant but not succeeding (we have been seeing somebody), this is bad enough but now my wife of 3 years has said she wants us to seperate. I won't get into this too much now as it will just make me more upset so I'll just skip to the debt part:

We have a lovely house with no equity in it as we have just remortgaged to clear off a load of debt and we still have some debts left. I want to stay in the house and she is thinking about moving out. However the problem is paying for it all, we've got a brief spreadsheet of our outgoings which I'll copy below.

Mortgage - 671 fixed for 3 years at a good rate
BT - 13
Life Cover - 42
Council Tax - 80
Loan - 394 good rate was 20,000 now 15,000 4 years left
TV License - 10
Water - 20
Credit card - 100 fixed at 4.99 for lob £4,500 left
Car Insurance - 40
Cat Food - 36
Food - 50 this is a guess for if she moves out
Internet - 25
Electric/Gas - 72
Mobile - 25 contracted until next may
Sky - 46 multiroom sub until next june so don't think I can cancel
House insurance - 50
Total - 1640

Now I currently take home £950 and my wife brings in £1500 so this would have been great but if she leaves I'm really going to struggle. The way I have worked things out is this:

I currently work 4 days a week but will try and increase this to 5, this will increase my wage to £1105 but it's still not enough. As I mentioned I don't like my current job so I am looking for a new one, I am hoping to get about £20000 with it so will take home £1192 (it's going up). However this is till far short so I am thinking about letting a room out (it's a 3 bedroom house, 2 big 1 box). I guess I can rent it out for £200 plus half the bills (this would be £86) but I don't know if that is too much or not. I know it's a big if but IF I can get one of the new jobs I want and rent the room for £286 I will get £1478 per month giving me a shortfall of

There are so many ifs and buts here £162, I will just put this on my Egg credit card until I can think of something else..... only joking

We do have a car which is worth about £4,500 so this is equal to the credit card, if we sell the car then that will wipe out at least £140 (plus petrol whcih I haven't counted up yet). However the catch is one of the jobs is 1.5 hours commute so I would need the car. If I don't get the job I will be very tempted to sell the car but if I do it may be worth keeping it (it would be a very good job for me).

My other option is a part time job, I would be happy to do this but don't know where to start looking, I would ideally like a job where I don't see people face to face as it may be embarassing (I would swallow my pride and do it though if I needed to), the question is where to look. I used to have a part time job doing telephone work (I would rather not say doing what) so I have a little experience, if I plead they may take me back but I don't know as they were a bit annoyed when I left.

I still hope we can make it but I'm not sure so I'm trying to prepare for the worst, we are still on good terms and I don't think the break up would be terrible in terms of fighting.

Anyway, thanks for listening, I hope somebody has some good ideas!

Bye

chilli_dog

HI Shefmot,

Sorry to hear about your situation. I can only give you some advice on a part time job which i did.
For a year i was a takeway delivery driver (curries, kebabs etc), the money was ok, i could pull in about £150 to £180 a week with tips, but this is working 5 nights, sometimes 6. I did this whilst working full time i the week as well. Its ok for a while but then your body just seems to give up!!
This suited me because it was cash in hand. naughty i know but any other part time job was'nt worth it as there was no tax relief because of my full time job.

Im sure someone with better money saving skills than me will help you with the money side.

Good luck

exessexmum

Please speak to your wife and see about going to Relate or getting some counselling. Trying to conceive can put a huge strain on a relationship, fertility treatment even moreso. It becomes so that the whole focus of your life is in getting pregnant and everything else falls by the wayside. I have several friends who have seperated whilst going through IVF because it is just so bloody depressing, the constant testing and timing and everything is "perform to order" whether you feel like it or not, all the fun goes out of life doesn't it? At the end of the day us women can feel like all we are made for is to have babies and when it doesn't happen we feel as though our whole "reason for being" has been taken away. Deep? Yes, but true. If you can't tell her how you feel, write her a letter, print this post out, but unless there is some other thing you haven't told us about, if the only problems are related to the pregnancy thing, then there is help out there, Relate *can* help, it really can.
Re the debts, there are people on here much more able to help than me, I'm only a newbie :-)
Good luck
Tracey

chilli_dog

hi essexmum,

so glad you wrote that, i was trying to think of something but could'nt ( must be a man thing) i could only offer my advise as a delivery driver!!

exessexmum

chilli_dog wrote:

hi essexmum,

so glad you wrote that, i was trying to think of something but could'nt ( must be a man thing) i could only offer my advise as a delivery driver!!

:rotfl: Bloody typical bloke!! I'm sure delivery driving tips are equally relevant.........perhaps try to tap into your "female side" next time??

southernscouser

Hi shefmot,

I hope you don't think I'm being too insensitive in what I'm about to say. I'm going to base this all on that you and your wife do part as your figures are. and you are living alone.

Firstly how will you feel about still living in your house should your wife leave. Memories and all that! Beacuse to be honest you won't be able to afford the mortgage on your current wage.

shefmot wrote:

Mortgage - 671 fixed for 3 years at a good rate
BT - 13
Life Cover - 42 = Do you need this?
Council Tax - 80 = You can get single persons rate
Loan - 394 good rate was 20,000 now 15,000 4 years left
TV License - 10
Water - 20
Credit card - 100 fixed at 4.99 for lob £4,500 left
Car Insurance - 40 = Have you shopped around?
Cat Food - 36 = Blimey! How many cats?
Food - 50 this is a guess for if she moves out
Internet - 25 = You can get cheaper.
Electric/Gas - 72 = This is far too how! Shop around.
Mobile - 25 contracted until next may
Sky - 46 multiroom sub until next june so don't think I can cancel = Can you get a cheaper package!
House insurance - 50


Now I currently take home £950

shefmot

exessexmum wrote:

Please speak to your wife and see about going to Relate or getting some counselling. Trying to conceive can put a huge strain on a relationship, fertility treatment even moreso. It becomes so that the whole focus of your life is in getting pregnant and everything else falls by the wayside. I have several friends who have seperated whilst going through IVF because it is just so bloody depressing, the constant testing and timing and everything is "perform to order" whether you feel like it or not, all the fun goes out of life doesn't it? At the end of the day us women can feel like all we are made for is to have babies and when it doesn't happen we feel as though our whole "reason for being" has been taken away. Deep? Yes, but true. If you can't tell her how you feel, write her a letter, print this post out, but unless there is some other thing you haven't told us about, if the only problems are related to the pregnancy thing, then there is help out there, Relate *can* help, it really can.
Re the debts, there are people on here much more able to help than me, I'm only a newbie :-)
Good luck
Tracey

hi,

thanks for that, i feel a little better now

I would love to go to relate but she is not keen to, she had counselling when she was young and it did not help her, if I suggest it now she will not listen and I do not want to push her further away The pregnancy is the main issue but my work depression has made everything worse as I have been quite distant. I am also worried somebody is trying to take advantage of her, she looks after him and has said he loves her in the past. He sends her a lot of texts and I worry she may go to him for support as she is depressed. I have written her letters but I don't think she can see a way out of this and I am so worried about her.

anyway back to my debts before I get too upset.

shefmot

chilli_dog wrote:

HI Shefmot,

Sorry to hear about your situation. I can only give you some advice on a part time job which i did.
For a year i was a takeway delivery driver (curries, kebabs etc), the money was ok, i could pull in about £150 to £180 a week with tips, but this is working 5 nights, sometimes 6. I did this whilst working full time i the week as well. Its ok for a while but then your body just seems to give up!!
This suited me because it was cash in hand. naughty i know but any other part time job was'nt worth it as there was no tax relief because of my full time job.

Im sure someone with better money saving skills than me will help you with the money side.

Good luck

what a great idea (there are loads of takeaways near me) do you get free food too :rotfl:

chilli_dog

yeah free food, watch your weight though!!!

keep smiling mate, sometimes it's easy to forget who we are when problems weigh us down.

shefmot

southernscouser wrote:

Hi shefmot,

I hope you don't think I'm being too insensitive in what I'm about to say. I'm going to base this all on that you and your wife do part as your figures are. and you are living alone.

Firstly how will you feel about still living in your house should your wife leave. Memories and all that! Beacuse to be honest you won't be able to afford the mortgage on your current wage.

please be honest I need it! I have poured blood, sweat and tears into doing this house up and to loose it and my wife would finish me :'(

as for the rest

Life Cover - 42 = Do you need this? i would cancel this
Council Tax - 80 = You can get single persons rate
Car Insurance - 40 = Have you shopped around? this is a guess as it ends in march when I will shop around
Cat Food - 36 = Blimey! How many cats? 4!
Internet - 25 = You can get cheaper. the problem is I am a very heavy user and it would be my only luxury
Electric/Gas - 72 = This is far too how! Shop around. I will thanks
Sky - 46 multiroom sub until next june so don't think I can cancel = Can you get a cheaper package! I'll have to ask (or just tell them tough, I have no money)

I am going to see about changing to 5 days tomorrow so maybe better off then

southernscouser

shefmot wrote:

please be honest I need it! I have poured blood, sweat and tears into doing this house up and to loose it and my wife would finish me :'(

as for the rest

Life Cover - 42 = Do you need this? i would cancel this
Council Tax - 80 = You can get single persons rate
Car Insurance - 40 = Have you shopped around? this is a guess as it ends in march when I will shop around
Cat Food - 36 = Blimey! How many cats? 4!
Internet - 25 = You can get cheaper. the problem is I am a very heavy user and it would be my only luxury
Electric/Gas - 72 = This is far too how! Shop around. I will thanks
Sky - 46 multiroom sub until next june so don't think I can cancel = Can you get a cheaper package! I'll have to ask (or just tell them tough, I have no money)

I am going to see about changing to 5 days tomorrow so maybe better off then

Good luck for getting the extra day. If not as others have suggested look for part-time work!