Good jokes and present ideas to go in crackers

Counting_Pennies_2

I intend to make my own crackers this year and would love it if anyone could provide me with links to any websites that either list good jokes, or if there is anywhere that sells cracker style jokes.

Alternatively if anyone has any good suggestions for jokes they would be gratefully received!!

Also any good suggestions for presents to go inside the crackers. Ages from 30 - 70!

Thanks

Bargainbabe_2

Here are loads of cracker jokes for you:

http://www.jokeemail.com/cracker.htm

And here are loads of novelities to put in the crackers

http://wholesale.listings.ebay.co.uk/Novelty-Items_W0QQcatrefZC4QQcoactionZcompareQQcoentrypageZsearchQQcopagenumZ1QQfromZR10QQfsooZ1QQfsopZ1QQfstypeZ1QQftrtZ1QQftrvZ1QQga10244Z10425QQsacatZ90950QQsocmdZListingItemList

Counting_Pennies_2

Bargainbabe wrote:

Here are loads of cracker jokes for you:

http://www.jokeemail.com/cracker.htm

Thanks very much for the links. I am a bit concerns about the jokeemail.com address as it tries to install something and then my hard drive keeps going crazy, can you advise?

Thanks

windym_2

What about lotto scratchcards inside? I always put them inside birthday cards.

Edit - I tried that website, but had the same problem.

black-saturn

What do you call a fly with no wings? A walk.

Where does a wasp go when it's ill? A waspital.

windym_2

What do you call a deer with no eyes - No idea.

What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs - Still no idea.

I think theyre as good as yours BS.

DSmiffy

What do you call a fish with no eye - a fsh !!
What green and goes up and down - a gooseberry in a lift !!
(groan !!)

henhog

Go to the Moneylenders Arms and the 'funny money' bit - they have a thread on one liners there.

Allexie

Kitsch Cracker Jokes

just keep hitting refresh to get a new joke

also

BBC Cracker Jokes

Bargainbabe_2

Counting_Pennies wrote:

Thanks very much for the links. I am a bit concerns about the jokeemail.com address as it tries to install something and then my hard drive keeps going crazy, can you advise?

Thanks

Can't say I've had this problem but here's a few copy and pasted:

Q.) How do snowmen get around?
A.) On their icicle!!

Q.) What kind of pump can you eat?
A.) A pumpkin!!

Q.) What is white and crumbly and swings through trees?
A.) A meringue!!

Q.) Who babysits for the kids?
A.) A nanny-goat!!?


Q.) What does it mean when the flag is at half mast at the post office?
A.) They're hiring.

Q.) What do Eskimos get from sitting on the toilet too long?
A.) Polaroids.

Q.) What do you get from a pampered cow?
A.) Spoiled milk.

Q.) What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
A.) Anyone can roast beef.

Q.) What kind of coffee was served on the Titanic?
A.) Sanka.

Q.) What do you get when you cross a pit bull with a collie?
A.) A dog that runs for help ... after it bites your leg off.

Bargainbabe_2

Q.) How do you pet a porcupine?
A.) Verrrrrry carefully!

Q.) Why can you tell the starship Enterprize is a happy ship?
A.) Because it is always beaming.

Q.) Why did the chicken cross the play ground?
A.) To get to the other slide.

Q.) Why did the punk rocker cross the road?
A.) He got his nose ring caught on the chicken.

Q.) Why did the ghost cross the road?
A.) The chicken got hit by a 16 wheeler.

Q.) Why did the duck cross the road?
A.) It was the chicken's day off.

Q.) Why did all the lady mushrooms like to go out with the toad stool?
A.) Because he was a real fungi.

Q.) What do you have when a flock of pink bunnies hop backwards?
A.) A receding hare line.

Q.) Why did the teacher buy his clock a plane ticket?
A.) He wanted to see time fly.