I just don't know what to do

carebear1976

I am sorry if this doesn't really fit within the moneysaving category but I am just so confused and hope that someone will be able to offer me some practical advice.

I am about to return to work after maternity leave and feel like its the end of the world. I hate my job in any case, but now that I have to leave my daughter (having spent every day of her life so far with her) it is even worse. Unfortunately I am the main breadwinner in our household and just don't see how I have any other option.

I have been diagnosed with depression in the past and know that I have slipped pretty far down that road again now, but I don't know what to do about that either.

I don't know what I'm expecting anyone to say as I realise the only person who can help me is me but maybe it will help just to get some of this off my chest.

Kazzajr

Could you not look into going back to work part time? Does your partner work or will they be a stay at home parent? If they work have you checked https://www.entitledto.co.uk to see what (if any) help you could get on their wages alone.

It is up to you if you can afford to live comfortable and can forgo some luxuries for the sake of spending time with your lo, you have to do what suits you and your family, remember you will never get these years back.

JimmyTheWig

Firstly, see your GP about the depression. It sounds to me like your past issues are rearing their heads again as post-natal depression. This isn't uncommon and you can get help for it.
Unfortunately with the NHS being the way it is it is very easy to get anti-depressants from your GP for it but not so easy to get seen by a psychotherapist. But the sooner you see your GP the sooner you can get on the list.
Also, is your health visitor friendly? Does she know your concerns, etc? Ours has been a hunge help to us, to my wife especially.

Who knows how going back to work will change things. Hopefully a change of routine, and some time away from your daughter, will be what is needed. Because the likelyhood is that you'll find that you can both cope away from each other for spells. This would be especially handy if she could be looked after by her father (unless that would make you jealous of him) or a carer who you like and trust.

I like the suggestion above of going part time. Or is there any way you can work different shifts, e.g. afternoon and evening rather than morning and afternoon so you could still be with your daughter for some of her day.

If you are still breastfeeding then your employer should make time for you to carry this on (though I don't know what the official line of this is).

How does your partner feel about all of this? Have you talked to him? Is there anything you can do jointly to make things better?
For example, something often suggested on these boards when money is tight is renting out a spare room. Would that help? Or are there expenses that you can both cut down on? (e.g. if you're not working could you sell a car?)


All the best with it all. Remember to talk to people - they can help get you through. Remember to ask for help from people when you could do with it - if you don't ask then they won't know you want it. And do speak to someone about the PND - you shouldn't have to live with that.

mrcow

carebear1976 wrote: »

I don't know what I'm expecting anyone to say as I realise the only person who can help me is me but maybe it will help just to get some of this off my chest.

You are so wrong there.

You sound like you need help. Talking is a good start but also looking practically can really help.

You hate your job and don't want to leave your daughter to work full time, so the answer from the outside would be to look for solutions around this. I was in the same position six years ago and what we did was go through all of our finances - each and every one, debts and assets - and looked at what we could do to enable me to finish work. I had a £40k pa job so it certainly wasn't easy.

When we'd finished that, we looked at the shortfall and I got a part time weekend job to cover it. My partner also looked into a promotion which he duly got and got a pay rise. It's not been all moonlight and roses - at one time I had to get a part time bar job to help out, but we did what we had to to keep me at home during the day. We've had to cut back so much, I don't even recognise the person I was 6 years ago - I wasted so much money!

All I can say is to go through your SOA and look at everything you can. You only get one chance when your children are babies, and if you really don't want to go back, then look at ways around it. It is not worth it in the end.

(All IMO of course)

Paparika

All mums feel like this during maternity leave, don't work yourself up about it, take what time you have left to maybe look for a job you would enjoy and perhaps within the hours you could do whilst having precious time with your DD.

Maybe consider a part time job?

Doodles

hi carebear
Sorry to hear about your dialemma. Don't know if this is of any use to you, but it popped into my mind! I once read a book called "Miserly Moms - living on one income in a two income economy" by Jonni McCoy. They sell it on amazon.

Ok its an American book, but the gist of what she was trying to get across is the same regardless of the country you live. The book demonstrates how sometimes we actually think we need two incomes when in fact, if we did serious cutting back, a few lifestyle changes we could manage on one quite happily, as well as realising how much it actually costs us to work in the first place.

I read this book about 6 years ago, though I was a single mum (well still am!) so I didn't have the choice to give up work, it struck me as a very good book to cut back and really look at whether you need two incomes. In fact I used a few ideas to help me economise.

Hope this might be of some help to you??

Loopy_Lobes

I'm with the poster above, you may be ale to cut back massively on your outgoings and live for a while on one income. Works costs money - second car, work clothes, lunches, coffees, less time to shop and hunt for bargains, less time to cook from scratch etc

Or how about registering as a Childminder so you can look after someone elses precious bundle while being able to look after your own at the same time?

Loopy x