completely devastated about situation

memebaby

When I met my partner i was a sucessful professional earning a good salary, my own home with a reasonably small mortgage, £15k in savings and no other debt. My partner runs his own business which was basically making no money although it took a while to realise that....he had an ex and children which he was paying to support. As I write this i just dont now where to start or even try to explain what has happened but gradually over the last 3 years we have been together i have been trying to help him with his financial situation and have basically used my ability to obtain credit (where he did not have any due to being in default) to try and prop his financial life up. the upshot as i sit here tonight is that I have remortgaged twice taking my mortgage from 125k to 180k, i have managed to land myself in 37k of credit card debt and my savings are gone. i am also overdrawn 7k in my bank. his business is on the verge of bankruptcy despite my keep bailing the business out and i can honestly say i dont know how it got so bad. I alwats classed myself as reasonably intelligent,but im an idiot. I had a baby a few months ago with my partner and so can only go back to work part time so my income is reduced so servicing my debt is virtually impossible although im managing it at the moment though god knows how. Going bankrupt or anyhting like that is not an option for me. im a solicitor (what a joke) so it would mean i could no longer practice and to be honest the shame of it. I come from a working class background with a strong work ethic. my parents would be completely devastated if they knew so i have no one i can talk to or get advice from. My relaationship is as you can imagine , not great. I feel resentful and angry but i guess more at myself than him. I was very niave and the fear of my baby growing up without a dad around has played a big part. Dont really know why im posting, i just feel so desperate. evey day i wake up and all i think about all day is my debt and how i can get through this. Ive even started looking round my house in a rather manic fashion looking for things i can sell. How crazy am i. Anyone been where I am and can offer some good advice or words of support. Ive never felt so alone in my whole life.

Broken_hearted

Hugs there is always a solution give us some time and we'll help

Horace

Hi and welcome.

We all do crazy things from time to time and it isnt your fault that your partner is bad with money especially when it comes to his business. Let's see if we can't help you save some money at least, please post your SOA - https://www.makesenseofcards.com/soacalc.html (there is a button on there to formulate it for MSE). I am sure someone with more experience of large debts will be along with more advice.

Do you have room for a lodger? If so get one in - their rent will help towards the mortgage.

nearlyrich

You say you are ashamed to tell your parents but if my child was in trouble and didn't tell me I would feel terrible, it's only money. There are ways out of this and you have a career that is lucrative even part time, I am sure that the wonderful people on here will help you with ideas to get the debt under control. Have a cuppa and read the introduction thread and post up your SOA (statement of affairs) best of luck with dealing with the situation.

poorandindenial

Hi memebaby

We are all on here for the same reason but all got there different ways, I am sure I have seen others that have similar experiences to you and I am sure they will be along later (it might be tomorrow as lots of people will have gone to bed so even if you don't get what you need tonight, please do come back)

As broken hearted said above, there is always a solution to every problem.

I really feel for you and hope that you manage to get things back under some sort of control but in the meantime keep on posting, no-one wll judge you here. Oh and don't be so hard on yourself, you aren't stupid, you want to sort it out, stupid would be ignoring it.

I wish you every success with this nd to help you on your way here are a few links:

Some debt advice charities: http://www.moneysavingexpert.com/loans/debt-help-plan#help (CCCS have an online thingy that you can use to see what options are open to you if you don't feel up to speaking to them direct)
The free advice organisation for business debts: http://www.bdl.org.uk/

And when you feel ready you will need to draw up a full statement of affairs (SOA) there is a handy tool at www.makesenseofcards.com so that you don't miss things, if you want to post it up on here you can and people will help you find ways to make money go further but if you don't want to do that then don't worry. I am sure you know all this but the SOA will then be able to help you/any charity you want to contact to work out what your options are.

EDIT: I forgot to say, Welcome to the board!!!! (and well done for posting, it isn't easy)

h4ppiness

Hi
Here's my advice for what it's worth;
1. - Start with your mortgage - try and get the payments down as low as you can - if it's repayment, ask your lender to either extend the term or transfer it to interest only (interest only will be the lowest payment but you won't be paying anything off the balance, so this has to be a temporary measure)

2. - Next make sure you pay anything which might land you in prison (Council tax, income tax etc)

3. - Next contact all creditors, ask them to freeze interest and agree payment plans with them

Payplan are a free organisation who specialise in helping people like you - they make their money through donations from Financial institutions - they are VERY good and will guide you through the alternatives. They will also do point 3 above if you want.

4. - Give your husband a good slap, and then sit down and work out together how you are going to sort out your situation

5. - Remember - you are not a bad person, or a criminal - Feeling out of control is very scarey and stressful, but it can be sorted out - Worse case scenario - you sell up your home and as much of your belongings as you think you can do without - pay off as much as you can, find somewhere to rent, and start again - you have each other, your health, and you can find happiness again.

Steel_2

Oh god. You poor thing. ((((((Huge hugs))))))

You're not an idiot. You just had faith in our partner's ability to turn things round. If he had of done and the business took off, you'd be rolling in it right now. You took a risk and it didn't pay off. Next time it might.

You say servicing your debt is virtually impossible yet you are managing. That in itself is a brilliant achievement.

Definitely post a statement of account on here so we can help you find some more wriggle room.

Has your partner accepted that the business is over? Or is he still fighting against it? Unless he winds the business up things will get worse.

My husband and his father fought and fought for years to keep their company going, putting more and more money into a failing business. They just kept on saying to themselves that things would get better soon, very soon. It never did and they only just avoided bankruptcy and spent 10 years paying off the debts. But now are debt free with homes again and savings.

How much would the company debts add up to?

rubydoiwannabee

Hi there,
Welcome to the boards, I know how you are feeling I really do, I was there myself just a few months ago. Sometimes it takes for us to hit this rock bottom place before we can take action and although I am sure you don't feel like it right now, posting here will really help.

We have a similar amount on our mortgage and £25K debt, but we are living well and paying things off, no defaults, no nasty letters etc. (and I am going to do my uptmost to keep it that way). When you are feeling strong, sit down with all your paperwork and write down a list of all your income and expenditure, together with exactly what is owing, to whom, and on what APR's. When doing this include whether you have any available CR left ( you never know you may be able to swap CR around on cards and pay lower interest rates).

When you have done that you will now the exact position, e.g. whether you have enough for necessities, whether you have enough to pay your creditors etc.

Then you can start developing a plan, baby steps. You didn't get into this position overnight and it'll take a long time to get debt free, so count today as day one and (I know it is easy to say) but try and stay positive and not worry to much.

I have received so much support, friendship, advice and comfort from this site, it really has been the ONLY thing that has enabled me to start to turn things around.

Sorry for the long post....

xxx

debtfreewannabe_5

Hi,

I'm not really qualified to do much else but offer my support (given that my situation isn't great either), but I will say that you're at the right place - some very helpful, kind-hearted and knowledgable people on here.

Being in debt carries some negative connotations, but you shouldn't feel like a bad / foolish person. I also consider myself an intelligent person but have gotten into trouble and a friend of mine is also a solicitor and is struggling financially too.

Just keep posting on here and working through the advice you're given. There's always a way out.

piglet29

Hi memebaby, sorry to hear of your situation hun (((hugs))) for you,I am sorry but i have no real advice to offer, but just wanted to let you know that you have come to the right place, for both support and help.;)
The advice has already started with some really good posts above and im sure there will be more help for you tomorrow when it will be a bit busier;)
Just wanted to let you know you are definately not on your own hun, we are all here to help and listen, you have made a good start by posting your problems and this can often be the hardest part, so well done and try and keep your chin up babe, there is always a solution.
Good luck to you;)
Piglet
xx

~Yorkshire_Belle~

You've come to the right place!
Huge support on here and no judgements, whatever your circumstances or how you ended up needing this site. I'm not an expert, but there are loads of people on here who can offer good advice. What I can say is that when you reach here, usually the only way is up, even if it isn't quite the route you planned! Your baby is number one priority but you won't enjoy their early years as much if you are worried all the time about debt. Hence the need to develop a plan of action, which is just what the marvellous people here are good at!
It's also hard enough to juggle work and a baby, as well as worry about the business and partner, so do cut yourself a bit of slack and know you have permission not to be ( or seem to be) superwoman all the time.
good luck, best wishes; it's not going to be easy but you sound like a fighter and a winner who will get there one way or another!
Belle