Could do with a cunning plan

blackclouds

tbasterisk wrote: »

I don't wish to sound unappreciative of my OH; I'm lucky to have one. And the debt problems have mostly been self-inflicted at some point. I'm just trying to get out of debt as much and as quickly of possible, but everytime I think I'm doing alright, it's another holiday or another designer handbag she wants for her birthday etc, and I'm struggling to say no. I don't see her a a cause of the problem, but it frustrates me that I'm expected to live beyond my means.

tbasterisk hiya matey

You need to speak to the OH now or this will fester into something that may become much bigger than it is now, whether it is about more contribution or just to be honest with her about the scale of your debts ...... I have an ex or 2 that I tried to provide for believing it was a mans place and kept quiet about the money situation, now im alone, flat broke and wishing I had just said no sometimes

tbasterisk

Thanks Southernbelle,

I'm actually feeling good at the moment. This is probably the first time in the 6 years that I've been with my OH that I've talked to anyone about things, and I think all my frustrations are coming out and she's an easy target.

You're absolutely right she will have to do without. I'm sure the designer handbags etc isn't all she wants, but I guess I'll have to find out.

In the mean time, I'll enjoy the holiday in October since it's paid for, and the next one will have to wait until I'm in credit. Oh and I'll make sure there'll be beans on toast on the table rather than artichokes in future

Wol2

Hello tbasterisk

Welcome to DFW Hun....and well done for posting.
Couldn't read and run....but tonight will be brief (for Wol2:T :rotfl: :cool: )

First thing:
The fact that you have posted so honestly says volumes about you.....ALL very positive. You are facing up to your situation and trying to take responsibility. Well done and have courage mon ami!!

Second..perhaps you are trying to take a tad too much responsibility? (Southern Belle alludes to this) Ask yourself why this may be...what value you are setting on the relationship you have with GF and why? (particularly if you feel you can;t tell her everything?) Is that really the type of relationship that you will ultimately be happy with long term? And if you can;t tell her, why not...and does that suggest something is perhaps not quite right for you?

There is a lot I could say..but brain too mushy tonight to comment on SOA and various other issues. Suffice to say....I have been where you are......and it has taken me 47 years to understand and accept that trying to please other people is not necessarily the best way forwards. First priority is yourself...yes sweetheart...youb have as uch right to have your wants and needs represented as anyone else.....we here want to help you determine what is right for you (and sometimes what "feels" right....i.e.comfortable..... is not necessarily really right but exists because of our longer term "conditioning"......i.e. we are/have always been fixers/pleasers for other people and therefore don;t have our own identity/wants/needs/support...) .and that is a hard lesson to learn and takes time.

But sweetheart, you have already demonstrated from your posts you have the means and wherewithal to question, think, analyse...and ultimately I'm sure you will make the right decisions for you. We will just do what we can to offer up what various pearls of wisdom we can.....and support YOU, tbasterisk....a person in your own right :T

Hugs Hun

Love
Wol2
xx

Now I've posted, I'm subscribed to your thread. I won;t be on much over next few days...but once I've sorted out my housemove etc, I will post/PM you...you are NOT alone...and the really BEST thing about DFW is there are peeps here who just care about YOU......and who have NO hidden agenda...rememebr they are here to support you and YOUR best interests as an individual and special human being.