Cant cope, please give me advice

Hi there

My husband and I are very embarresed about the mess we have got ourselves into. We have been stupid and niave and we have spent way beyond our means for years, the cost of living soaring up hasnt helped either.

We are now in that much debt im literally making myself phsically sick with worry. Up to now we havent missed a single payment to our loans, debts etc and our credit ratings are very good with experian, but we have been keeping our payments up to date by robbing peter to pay paul, and borrowing off friends and family. Its all about to crash and burn as we havent got the money to pay back our friends and we cant afford to pay our debts on our salarys alone.

I have done a breakdown and just to pay our mortgage, credit cards, loans and bills we need £2350 per month. We currently earn jointly £2600. I know this leaves £250 but this is for food, petrol, living etc, and is never going to be enough to pay our friends back (approximately £7000). Im also dreading december as all 3 of my credit cards end on a 0% deal and the payments are going to rocket!!! Then we will have nothing left at the end of the month, we will be in the red.

We have just renewed our mortgage to an interest only deal for 2 years. We have about 10K equity in our house. We considered selling it last month but by the time we pay the agents fees etc we wouldnt have the money for the deposit for a cheaper house and we would still have all the debt that we cant pay , so thats not an option

We currently have:

Loan balance Northern Rock £20,000 - monthly payment £260 - 8 years left
Loan Abbey £2,500 - monthly payment - £250 - 1 year left
Credit card MBNA balance £8000
Credit card Natwest £2000
Credit card Egg £2300
Credit Card Barclays £4700
Natwest overdraft - £2700
Barclay Overdraft £2900

None of this is secured!

Please dont judge us, we know what we have done and deeply regret it, now i just want to be able to sleep at night .

Im thinking of an IVA but could my husband and I do a joint one or do they have to be done individually ( some of the debt is in joint names, others in sole names). Im also worried about getting another mortgage in 2 years time and losing our house, and my car is on contract lease, would that get repossessed as i need it for work?? I have so many questions that lead to more worry, i cant cope and i cant take anymore......


  • **Amy**
    **Amy** Posts: 2,680 Forumite

    Welcome to MSE and Debt Free Wannabe.

    Well done on trying to sort your debt out, you are in the right place.

    First thing i would suggest doing is an SOA (statement of affairs) which will let us see your income and outgoings and try and suggest some ideas on cutting down etc. if possible.

    Secondly I would suggest contacting one of the free debt charities that could help:


    National Debtline

    These should be able to offer you a bit more indepth support.

    Debt: just my mortgage :D
  • Tinkabell25
    Hi, No one's judging you don't worry!! Firstly can you post an SOA so people can help you where you can cut back? That's always a good place to start. Don't worry you're in the right place Tink xx
    Debt to clear: feels endless...

    Weight loss to go: 42lb/13.5lb

    Maybe someday i'll be skinny, organised and debt free..
  • RAS
    RAS Posts: 32,770 Forumite
    Name Dropper First Anniversary First Post

    First things first.

    make sure you pay the mortgage, the Council Tax and the utilties and food first.

    Then sort out the other payments.

    Things will ease up a bit when the Abbey loan comes to an end, but as you note the cards situation is could get tough before then.

    We need a bit more inforation to help you, Can you complete a full SOA?

    Have you spoken to any of the debt charities? See for contact details.

    Please do not consider an IVA unless one of the debt charities recommends it. CCCS have their own IVA provider and still only think them suitable for 3% of their clients. A lot are mis-sold.
    The person who has not made a mistake, has made nothing
  • rayday2
    rayday2 Posts: 3,960 Forumite
    I think you should seek advice from a debt charity, there are more options than IVA, but I guarantee there will be one which will mean you can continue living in your house and afford to "live" again.

    If you are worried about speaking to someone on a phone the CCCS website had a debt remedy which will give you some idea of what you can do.

    You are in a good position as none of your debt is secured.
  • phildamb
    phildamb Posts: 194 Forumite

    Don't worry about judgement no one here will do that, this is a support and advice forum.

    Im not a finance expert but maybe you could contact one of the following:-

    Payplan - Ive dealt with them very friendly and quick.

    Someone will be along who can give you more specific advice but you can make free enquiries at any of the above they wont pressure you and will give you the best options. I wouldn't say an IVA would be great for you maybe a DMP (debt management plan) instead.

    good luck.
  • moozie_2
    moozie_2 Posts: 3,063 Forumite
    Name Dropper First Post First Anniversary Combo Breaker
    Hi there

    I don't think anyone will judge you here so stop worrying about that. As the previous poster suggested, a full SOA will be useful in getting started to see where improvements can be made in your spending.

    Things will get easier, that's for sure. Just take a few deep breaths and get cracking with that SOA ;)

    Wishing you the best of luck with your journey!
    Leason learnt :beer:
  • greeniegirl
    HI maxine,

    First of all remember your health is your biggest asset so look after that and don't make yourself sick. I know you're stressed but look after yourself.

    You are trying to address issues now, like you say these debts are the products of yrs so be patient, it will take time.
    find out the interest rate of each loan and start with the highest interest rate first. could you talk to your friends and ask them for six months to start repayments, to get ahead on the others first?

    no one is here to judge you, you'll get lots of good suggestions. and remember you haven't missed any repayments so you will be able to negotiate with lenders surely?

    best of luck
  • maxineperry
    Ive already done one and ive cancelled all non essentials. My monthly bills consist of mortage, cards, loans, life and car insurance, council tax, gas, electric and water only so i cant cut back any more??

    I think even if a made a small saving somewhere it would be too tiny to make a difference to the mountain of debt :-(
  • GeorgeUK
    GeorgeUK Posts: 7,737 Forumite
    Hi Max

    Take a deep breath and try to relax a little. The important thing is that you are prepared to do whatever it takes to deal with the situation. I suggest you post up a full statement of affairs so we can see if there are any other savings to be made and then we'll try to see where things lie. If you are currently managing to make minimum payments, you may be able to get more 0% deals and possibly use your existing cards to get further promtional offers.

    Try not to tackle the whole thing at once. It has taken years to create the debt so will take time to get rid of it too.
    After falling off the gambling wagon (twice): £33,600 (24,000+ 9,600) - Original CC Debt: £7,885.91

    Dad Gift 6k ¦ Savings & Inv Tst: £2,500
    Loan 10k: £0 ¦ Dad 5.5k: £2,270 ¦ LTSB: £0 ¦ RBS: £0 ¦ Virgin £0 ¦ Egg £0

    Total Owed: £2,270 (+6k) 11/08/2011
  • badgerbread
    I was feeling just the same as you are now at the beginning of this month but now after all the halp and advice from people on here I feel that there is light at the end of the tunnel so (iknow its easier said than done) but try not too stress out too much. I have found a lot of motivation in doing the £10 a day challenge and everything I am making is coming straight off my debts I never thought it was possible to do this at the start but I'm doing quite well and there are lots of advice on the up your income board to help you achieve this another good thread is the payment a day as it makes you feel so good when you pay extra on the debts every day.
    Make £5 a day in May total so far £2
This discussion has been closed.
Meet your Ambassadors


  • All Categories
  • 343.7K Banking & Borrowing
  • 250.2K Reduce Debt & Boost Income
  • 449.9K Spending & Discounts
  • 235.8K Work, Benefits & Business
  • 608.9K Mortgages, Homes & Bills
  • 173.3K Life & Family
  • 248.4K Travel & Transport
  • 1.5M Hobbies & Leisure
  • 15.9K Discuss & Feedback
  • 15.1K Coronavirus Support Boards