Can I consolidate debts of husband if he is unable by using power of attorney?

sleepless_saver

I do hope it works out for you - with the commitment you are showing, you deserve that. Do you think he could go as far as telling mother it's OK for her to discuss it with you, (once you have worked this through in your own mind and fele ready to tackle it)? Others on this board know a lot more than I do about what you need to bear in mind re keeping finances separate and so on.

summermummy

It seems you are taking on an awful lot. Have you tried easing him into responsibility? just telling him that you have paid a bill is the first step and then perhaps asking him to pay for smaller items to start with.

Remember marriage is a two way street, about supporting each other, we only live once and we need to make this life as happy as possible. Often in life we set a precedent by our actions, remember - start as you mean to go on. Will you be happy managing this situation for the rest of your life?

purplefiona

summermummy wrote: »

It seems you are taking on an awful lot. Have you tried easing him into responsibility? just telling him that you have paid a bill is the first step and then perhaps asking him to pay for smaller items to start with.

Remember marriage is a two way street, about supporting each other, we only live once and we need to make this life as happy as possible. Often in life we set a precedent by our actions, remember - start as you mean to go on. Will you be happy managing this situation for the rest of your life?

yes- I have been thinking about that a lot: well the good news is I've had a talk with him and subject to several weeks of settled therapy we are going to look at the folder after that. He says I can look at it but I've got to say I'm a bit scared!!
Though nowhere near as scared as he is! its not the amount, he has explained, thats scary
Also we have agreed not to talk about money unless therapy is coming up in the next few days: that way he gets to go over the feelings with a professional rather than being stuck with a big pile of thoughts for a week. Also it will give us routine as we'll probably end up with a once a week money mangement day which bodes well for the future.
So that is a plan of sorts and meanwhile I simply have to set aside the fact that probably the interest and charges will rise some more before actually dealing with it begins, but I think thats a price everyone with any kind of mental health and debt problem pays whilst waiting for a safe space to explore the underlying issues in on our wonderful NHS.
Above all, it will be dealt with before the wedding, no doubt about it

tyllwyd

purplefiona wrote: »

yes- I have been thinking about that a lot: well the good news is I've had a talk with him and subject to several weeks of settled therapy we are going to look at the folder after that. He says I can look at it but I've got to say I'm a bit scared!! ...

You know, that's fantastic! If you can get him to open up to you a bit and start to trust you, then I'm sure that supporting him and helping him deal with the actual money bit will help him with resolving his issues - rather than his mums' approach of letting him run away from it, which isn't going to solve anything in the long run.

You sound incredibly patient, and committed to this relationship - good on you and best of luck for the future!

purplefiona

tyllwyd wrote: »

You know, that's fantastic! If you can get him to open up to you a bit and start to trust you, then I'm sure that supporting him and helping him deal with the actual money bit will help him with resolving his issues - rather than his mums' approach of letting him run away from it, which isn't going to solve anything in the long run.

You sound incredibly patient, and committed to this relationship - good on you and best of luck for the future!

Yes, I have discovered amazing depths of patience that I never knew I had- I guess thats love
He trusts me, bless him, he's just scared. Fear is an incredible force. The trick is to deal with it step by step- like eating a massive chocolate cake- you have to slice it up !

purplefiona

Guys. You lot cheered me SO much with your last replies. Thanks. Trouble is, this therapy of my mans' is not forthcoming. I just do not know how long he will have to wait, and therefore I will have to wait, before he is going to become able to speak to the bank on the phone. The "first appointment" was a form-filling excersise only. It could be months for the first REAL appointment and years before the therapy begins to work, IF it works. I was driven mental over our recent week's holiday by the constant ringing of the phone with "witheld" numbers. We all know who they were. What do banks/credit cards companies do if people cannot speak on the phone? Do they have communications policies?
I said that I would pay his loan for one month, then couldn't afford it, then forgot (my bad) so now he has missed 2 payments of £120 and racked up another £70 in charges as he is unable to change the loan repayment date becasue they say he has to call them.
Can't I write to them pleading mental illlness? Why can't they just change the date of the repayment when we ask them in writing?

I'm thinking of the following:
1. Get a third party madate so I can at least speak to his bank on the phone
2. Write (as suggested) to all the credit cards asking them not to phone
3. Get debt counselling myself. This is really getting to me now.
4. Look on here each day and talk to my own therapist about it
5. Look at the big scary folder and write to all the companies offering a manageable amount each month
6. Ask his doctor/the hospital to get a move on, in writing, backed up by a letter from my therapist/boss explaining how mental it is driving me.
7. Try to plaster on a big smile

er... help!

RAS

Hi

Actaully, he can insist on contact by mail and he can reclaim late charges on CCS amd loans (and bank accounts, given his situation), and if someone is mentally ill it is against OFt Guidelines to haress them.

What you could do (if he can let you see the mess) is produce a letter for each DCA telling them to contact him by mail only and that he has problems, which he signs.

There are lots of other thing (like CCAs) which might reduce the debt that can be enforced but unless he can cope with a bit of stress, it may be better to wait.

RAS

Read the OFT Guidelines first and adapt this letter - quoting the bits about stopping chasing vunerable people.

You need to send a letter telling all the creditors to stop telephoning Him. It may take time to take effect, but if it will work.

So send this first letter registered post. If they make any further calls after it is signed for, then she needs to send the second letter and copy in the Information Commisioner, the OFT and the Trading Standards office nearest the debtor's office.

No it is guaranteed to stop them but if you

1.Point out it is your right under the OFT Guidelines.
2. refuse to answer security questions.
3.Advise them that you are recoding the call

they will take the hint.


Phone letters from fermi

Something along the lines of:

Quote:
Dear Sir / Madam,

Re accounts ref

I do not acknowledge any debt to your company.

I am writing to you to inform that I request all communications to me in writing. I do not want any further telephone calls made to me ( my mum).

To continue to contact me by telephone after I have requested you not to constitutes harassment. I require all future communications in writing for future Court use. Do not telephone me again – remove any telephone numbers you hold for me from your systems.

Your telephone calls are in breach of the Office of Fair Trading guidelines. If you continue with them after the receipt of this letter, an official complaint, together with a log recording the times and frequency will be passed both to that office and to Trading Standards, For your information, all telephone calls are taped.

This type of debt collection method is contrary to the ‘Administration of Justice Act 1970’. In that it is intended to cause alarm and distress to the recipient. Your methods will not be tolerated. A formal complaint to the relevant authorities will be made.

Take further notice that continued telephone calls after receipt of a request not to call may constitute a criminal offence under Section 127 of the Communications Act 2003. Continued phone calls to my mother may also constitute an offence under the Data Protection Act.

Communicate in writing and ONLY in writing. Your telephone calls will not be answered.

HOWEVER, CALLS WILL TRIGGER COMPLAINTS TO THE REGULATORY BODIES.

I trust I have made myself understood on this matter.

Yours,

A list of good contacts to whom you can complain formally if they make a nuisance of themselves.

Here are pipk62's list of websites for the organisations .

These addresses are the ones that I have used to find the information that I required, You may want to research pages other than the ones I have linked to, try clicking on the home page if any of these aren't what you wanted.

Office of Fair Trading, Contact page: http://www.oft.gov.uk/contactus

The Information Commissioners Office, Complaints page: http://www.ico.gov.uk/complaints.aspx
(note: I chose to complete and download the .pdf form on Data Protection, which I am also sending to the other offices, with an accompanying letter)

Trading Standards, Central office homepage: http://www.tradingstandards.gov.uk/
-Please note, you can search by inserting the postcode in the top right hand corner, remember to use the postcode of the DCA rather than your own-

Consumer Credit Association, enquiries page: http://www.ccauk.org/consenquiries.htm

the Financial Ombudsman Service, Contacts page: http://www.financial-ombudsman.org/contact/index.html

Members of parliament list, (as provided by RAS): http://www.parliament.uk/directories/hciolists/clomps.cfm


And then if you get any more calls:

Quote:
Dear Sir/Madam,

Ref. 1234567890

Despite my letters regarding ANY communication from your company, which stated that I require ALL communications in writing, your telephone calls continue.

This behaviour constitutes harassment; the letters stated quite clearly to you that I require ALL communications in writing for future Court use. Do not telephone me again - remove any telephone numbers you hold for me from your systems.

Your telephone calls are in breach of the Office of Fair Trading guidelines. If you continue with them after the receipt of this letter an official complaint, together with a log recording the times and frequency of the calls will be passed both to that office and to the Trading Standards office. For your information note that ALL telephone calls are taped.

This type of debt collection method is contrary to the ‘Administration of Justice Act 1970’ in that it is intended to cause alarm and distress to the recipient. Your methods will not be tolerated. A formal complaint, containing copies of all correspondence including yours, has now been submitted to the relevant authorities. This will be relevant to questions of your fitness to hold a licence under the Consumer Credit Act, whether or not it results in a prosecution.

Take further note that continued telephone calls after the receipt of a request not to call may constitute a criminal offence under Section 127 of the Communications Act 2003.

Communicate in writing and ONLY in writing, your telephone calls will NOT be answered.

HOWEVER, CALLS WILL TRIGGER COMPLAINTS TO THE REGULATORY BODIES.

I trust that I have made myself understood on this matter,

Yours faithfully,

purplefiona

Thanks again. I'm going to do exactly that later on. I think I will print off a load with spaces for the account numbers. That should sort it for the time being.
You are very kind.

RAS

You are welcome. It is what DFW is for.

if you can get the hounds off and give him some space, he may be able to get things sorted little bit at a time.

Come back if he is ready for the next step (working out if these debt are enforceable).