Anyone with recent experience of contact proceedings?

Mrs_P_Pincher

A friend’s son has asked me for help sorting out his contact arrangements. It’s not a particularly difficult case, but his XP is impossible and he is a bit overwhelmed by the way she has behaved over letting him see his son. I used to do this for a living, but retired from it ten years ago, so OK on principles, but a little shaky on practice.

In the good old days we used to issue proceedings and ask questions afterwards, but I understand that things are a little different these days.

We have a mediation service locally and my thought is to tell him to go there first. My guess is that his XP won’t co-operate, but at least then he can go to Court and cite the fact that he has tried to mediate, rather than going straight to Court and then being referred to mediation, which something at the back of my mind tells me is what is likely to happen.

I wondered whether anyone had recent experience of this and could put me straight.

Thanks

Mrs P P

kizzykizzywizzy

Hi I have been given a couple of numbers in case things get tricky with my husband
National Family Mediation 01392-271610 9-5 mon-fri
www.nfm.org.uk
Also if difficult seeing child at home XP can take them to National Association of contact centres 0845-4500280 mon-fri 9-1pm
www.nacc.org.uk
I have been advised that once a week is ok for contact, I obviously want husband in my children's lives, so will let him see them more, but proper arrangements do need to be made.

Mrs_P_Pincher

Thanks for your response. My question really was - if we make an application to the Court, will they send it to mediation as a first step, so is it better to try mediation first.

Mrs P P

kizzykizzywizzy

Sorry I don't know, things haven't got anywhere near that far with us yet & hopefully won't.
perhaps ring the mediation number & see what they say happens or look on thier website

berts_mrs

Hi

My oh wasn't sent for mediation when he issued his C1/C2 forms, they gave him a date to attend court, they both went in (him and ex) and spoke to judge to explain situation etc, she refused to agree judge sent them out and the CAFCASS lady at the court then got involved, she then spoke to me and my oh then the ex and her mum. She still wouldn't agree so they went back into the court and the judge basically told her the contact arrangements. I have to say that she did break the order a few months later and my oh was left with no contact for 6 months as it took a long time to get another court date. The second time there was no CAFCASS lady just them and the judge, he basically told her that she had no reason or right to stop contact and if we had to go back again he would fine her. As she is completely money obsessed this seemed to do the trick and its been ok for the most part since.

Hope this helps and good luck

tsstss7

I have been there with contact issues and mediation is nearly always considered the first thing to do in this issue and courts do expect parents to at least try and work it out. There are many issues involved here and FWIW my ex considered me to be unreasonable - however the courts did not and awarded him no more contact than I already allowed. We did mediation too but as my ex discovered it can only work if there is some middle ground, he would not shift from his demands so we ended up in court.

Timely_Tim

Hi Mrs P
As a mediator, I understand that the courts will recommend the parties to try mediation first; but it all depends on whether they really want to sort it out between themselves or get some other body to tell them what to do.
The second option generally leaves no-one completely happy, but may be necessary if neither will listen to the other.
If they want both parents to be involved with the children's lives into the future, better for all [including the children themselves] that it is negotiated through mediation rather than imposed through a legal process.
It is not a 'soft option' but can be effective if they are both committed.
Ask the local mediation service! [The Citizens Advice Bureau will know where to find it.]
Best wishes to your friend's son.
Timely Tim