Keeping on top of things when sick

suep

I also have a chronic illness but Ive only got one 18 year old left at home now, her room is disgusting and it will stay there until she decides to clean it, as the others say I just keep the door shut and if she doesnt bring her washing down it doesn't get done, also I dont iron any of her clothes, she does it herself if she wants it done.
As for the rest of the house, a while ago I read the fly lady post and decided I could make it work for me in my own way. I stick to the one room a day rule and just do what I can, some days I can flick a duster around or if Im having a good day I'll do a bit more and I do try to pace myself. If Im having a bad day though nothing gets done and DH and DD have to sort themselves out.
I used to be so houseproud and have had to lower my standards big time in the last few years. Just keep reminding yourself, they will all leave home soon :laugh:
sue

SuziQ

I really sympathise with you all. I have a long standing illness that will knock me flat from time to time. Recently I have been very anaemic (HB of only 7.5) which is not respnding very well to treatment (back to Nothwick park thursday!) and this has left me exhausted and breathless. Lately my DD (18) has been an absolute treasure and I have no idea how I'll cope when she goes to Uni if I don't get better soon! My problem is things have got really bad so I really don't know where to start-if I could get it halfway decent I think I might be able to keep it up iykwim. I am debating 'imposing' on my daughter and asking her to work really hard with me for a few days before she goes-but feel so awful to ask her as she hates it. The 2 boys are both terrible slobs-and I suppose the current state of the house (Not helped by all the paperwork and clutter my ex left here)shows them the worst possible example! I have even tried watching a dvd of anthea turners programme to try and motivate me,at least the majority of those homes are worse than mine!
At the moment I am just trying to do as you and do little and often,although depressingly that way nothing much looks any different by the end of hte day!I look at the flylady thread but some days literally all I manage is shining the sink and swishing the loo!

ceridwen

Well....the thing that strikes me about above post is its fair enough for the daughter to help out - BUT she is doing her brothers' share of the helping out (as well as her own share). If you cant do the housework - then fair enough, it gets done by the children - BUT all 3 of the children, not just one of them (who happens to be the female one!!!). Your daughter also needs to do some sticking-up for herself - I reckon the two of you need to gang up: work out how to divide the housework into 3 parts. You both then tell those lazy brothers of hers that she will do only her part and they must do their parts themselves (or pay for a cleaner to do it).

I made up my mind long ago that if I ever got married/lived with a man, for instance, that I would instantly breathe a sigh of relief at only having to do 50% of the housework - as he would do the other 50% (or pay for a cleaner to do his share). I decided that - right from the outset - that it would be visibly taken as a sign that he didnt really care for me and wanted to use me as an unpaid servant if he expected me to do his share of the housework. I reckon the same argument applies to your sons - I would be openly taking it as a sign that they didnt care for me.:cool:

Very few people actually WANT to do housework (me included) - so one does have to be very "firm" (shall we put it tactfully?) with those who try to skive out of their bit. Besides using money (the withholding of pocket money or making them pay extra board and lodge for a cleaner) - there's also the possibility of saying "no work, no food - if you dont do your housework - then you dont get your food". That will sound harsh to some - but I would say only to those who still regard the housework as being "theirs". Housework isnt any one persons responsibility - its not "mine" to do (if you're a woman) - its "ours" and "what are WE going to do about it?".

carriebradshaw

I thinks it's awful that they won't help you out doelani.I'd expect them to help a bit with housework even if I wasn't ill to be honest.I had to do jobs around the house when I was a kid until got my own house things like washing up after tea,make own bed,keep room clean,shopping, taking the weeks washing to the laundrette to wash & dry sometimes and take a turn at all house work in general.I always did my own ironing and if I got the iron out for my own stuff, I had to empty the basket of anything else that needed doing too.On top of that I had to do my nans shopping every Saturday as well.My kids were taught the same pretty much before they moved out,they never had to do the laundry run or nans shopping though

I think you've got to be really tough with the the older kids that are of working age and get your hubby to back you up,tell them that they either help you out regularly or they've got to move out into their own place as you can't manage any more because you are ill. That should shock them into action if they can't see how selfish they are being by now.Good luck Ihope you get some help sorted out soon love.

mummysaver

Oh doelani, you sound sooo fed up with it all! You have my sympathy, not that it'll help you much with your housework!

My advice would be the older ones either help out or pay for a cleaner. If they are not around at regular times perhaps you could think of jobs that just need doing once a week then they could fit those in when ever, things like mowing the lawn, cleaning windows, changing everyones bed linen. I'd also make them responsible for their own washing, think they are quite old enough, actually I think all of them including the teens are old enough to do their own washing. Try giving them a day each to use the machine, if they miss it tough, they'll have to visit the launderette or negotiate with the others for a turn on their day.

If the younger ones get pocket money then they should definitely be doing more than the usual jobs, so hoovering can be delegated to them, washing up or dishwasher, clearing assorted rubbish (someone's precious possessions) from the communal areas like the sitting room and kitchen.

In our house it works this way: I cook and pay the bills, if you want to eat and live in my house you are expected to help out. If you want pocket money you will make sure that you do your normal jobs as well as any extras that are requested. My ds is 14, dd's are 13, 11 and 7. Older 3 all do their own washing if it doesn't make it into the wash basket, so that is pretty much all the time. Daily jobs include hoovering (not always done that well, so I often do it as well when they're out, but it is done), the dishwasher, feeding the animals, walking the dog, clearing their cr*p from the sitting room. ds is responsible for mowing the lawns, I will not nag about this tho he hates it, last time he didn't do it for a while I simply paid someone else to do it and so he had no pocket money. Other jobs done on request include general tidying, wiping stuff, mopping the kitchen floor, popping to the shop in emergencies, putting washing away, etc.

I also do these jobs, and I always do the loos and bathrooms - though these are good to threaten them with when they moan, we all live in the house and therefore we are all responsible. Yes they do moan, but those are the rules and if they don't want to help then no pocket money and I won't cook or drive them anywhere. I know this makes me sound like an ogre, but they know what is expected and generally they just get on with it.

It won't be easy to implement if your bunch aren't used to doing much, I'd start by sitting down and just telling them that you can't do everything and you need their help. Then tell them exactly what you need them to do, in my experience asking for help doesn't generally result in help unless you are very specific - no 1 needs to hoover, no 2 needs to wash up, no 3 needs to hang out the washing and take responsiblity for getting it in again and folding it, no 4 needs to clear the stuff off the floor, no 5 needs to mow the lawn. They will each need to put their own washing away and the gathered clutter else it will be binned/donated to charity after a few days.

You will need to discuss with your oh how it will work, but it looks like mostly it'll be down to you as it sounds as if he's out working most of the time, but it's good to have his support. Good luck!

taplady

Thanks for all the above advice:T I'm going to be out of action sometime soon for a while due to an operation and am dreading not being able to keep my house clean as I like my house clean and tidy, I think now is the time to try and train my DS2(aged 16) to do a bit more.He is reasonably tidy. puts his laundry in the basket and will wash up if asked but is capable of more. I know its a bit late but I've always enjoyed doing it myself(sad I know:o ) but now I must start to delegate a bit more.
My DH is not too bad but its not upto my standards, a little training required there too!;)

I hope you can get your family to do a bit more doelani , good luck!