Keeping on top of things when sick

doelani

Sorry not sure where to put this but I am sure someone will move it.

I have been ill for a few years and due to this some days can hardly walk and on a good day can only do housework 5-10 minutes at a time before needed to stop to rest

In my housue are me, hubby , ds 20, dd 18 ,also 3 teenger stepkids and granson ( 2-3 nights a week ) and a dog.

Hubby will....vacum at weekend if asked. Fill dishwasher after dinner and on a friday will put his uniforms into washing machine. He works fulltime and parttime and is usually knackered so he does planty.

Son will........clean his room when asked about 5 days running and I threaten to clean it wish bin bags :eek: Will bring his washing down when asked for 4 or 5 days running then appears with 2 or 3 loads at once.

Daughter will......clean her room when it gets bad enough and will bring her washing down every few days.

Stepkids will...........make beds and bring washing down again when asked.

I do all the washing , tidying, cooking , cleaning ,shopping, MOANING at everyone to help, ( does not work) wash yard down after dog as it gets smelly, do not lift his business, I refuse to do that but do wash the yard. I phyically cannot hoover so although rooms will be tidy fllors cannot get done until somone else does it for me.

I have tried to get orginised and just cannot, I do not know from one hour to next if I am will be able to do anything so cannot plan. I acually have thought of paying someone to come in and clean for me but not very MS and cannot really afford it.

Apart from going on strike and doing nothing what else can I do ? Son and daughter work differnt days each week so cannot even orginise a rota for jobs, every so often when I gte sick enough and cry enough and beg them they will help.

I have changed my elctricity to a different tarriff and have been orginising washing etc to try and do it at cheapest time and seem to be only one worried about moneysaving around the home, sometimes I wonder why I bother

Sorry for the moan just wondered howothers cope with unhelpful family members in the house?

Skintmama

I think you have every right to moan!

The challenge of getting teenagers to take responsibility for themselves whilst living at home is, I am sure, a nightmare for many of us, even without illness to take into account.

Going by my own teens 17 and 14yrs.....they are completely responsible for their bedrooms now, including washing their bedding. I will do their stuff if it suits me! My daughter (17) does all her own washing although this does sometimes mean a small load but fortunately my WM can adjust to this. She also has uncanny timing of getting her stuff in just before I want to use it!

Even though I am currently not working outside the home I still feel that it is appropriate that my children clean up after themselves. I find also that once they start it and get used to it they spontaneously take on other things, albeit only occasionally lol.

Your children are more physically capable than you of much of the housework now so it is time they accepted this........easier said than done I know! It sounds though, as if you could do with your husband's support in putting this across. When I was working I still hoovered, cooked, did the laundry etc. so I can never understand how people feel excused from the 24 hour tasks of maintaining the home just because they spend some time out of it each day.

I am sure you are perfectly well organised.......you just need more help!

Good luck in getting this sorted, I really do feel for you.

ceridwen

Can see where you are coming from on this....hmmmm....I havent got children myself (so this aint voice of experience here) - but was thinking that presumably they all get paid pocketmoney. Personally - I'd say "no housework, no pocketmoney" - that might make them turn to a bit sharpish if there was a threat to their money;)

mary43

Teenagers are a nightmare where bedrooms are concerned........the two lads I care for are responsible for their own 'space'............up to them if they want to live in a pit but I do insist on them bringing down any festering mugs or plates.........even to the point of telling them if they don't well they'll have to eat off the same one and that normally works (I wouldn't of course, but they don't know that). I've also told them that if I have to do it they'l forgot pocket money at the weekend and that can make them sort it out.......eventually when it gets towards the weekend. As for washing, well if they don't bring it down in good time then they have to make do with what they've got on and it does tend to arrive by the heap........doesn't give it priorty though. It still goes through a bit at a time and with no tumble drier sometimes they have to wait just that little bit longer. Doesn't always seem to bother them so its their choice. I just make sure their bedroom doors are shut and I don't have to see what must resemble a squat !
But, with your ill health, they should do more to help in my opinion. Maybe you could sit them down and calmly explain to them that you're not able to do all these things and their help would be appreciated -make sure OH is included in this as I agree, you need his support.
Good luck..........its not easy but please don't worry to much if the housework has to take second or third place. Its not the end of the world if there's one or two and even more layers of dust around. Your health is more important.
I'd be tempted to go out for the day, see a friend or something and make sure they got home before I did, to a sink full of washing up etc.

Ches

I wouldn't wash for anyone over the age of 16. I wouldn't clean/tidy anyones bedroom except yours and OH. Just keep the other doors shut so you can't see what's in there. I would have a big basket on the stairs and anything you find left downstairs I would dump in there for the owner to find and put away. OH seems to be doing his share so if you are then left with the shopping/cooking and dusting downstairs it shouldn't be too bad. Don't make a big thing of it when you tell them the new plan, just announce it and stick to it.

LameWolf

I do feel for you, as I'm in a similar situation healthwise, but without the teenagers, I only have Mr LW to worry about, and give him jhs due, he's extremely helpful.

I agree with Cerdwen - "no, housework, no pocket money". But what do I know, I never had kids

I hope you can get it sorted out though, as it won't be doing your already shaky health any good.

M.E.

I have been ill for a few years and due to this some days can hardly walk and on a good day can only do housework 5-10 minutes at a time before needed to stop to rest

You have described my lifestyle in a nutshell. It has got easier this last two years as both daughters live away from home (but their stuff resides with us still :rolleyes:)
I didn't moan or nag as that took so much energy, but I would soldier on and get myself so angry. Three people physically able but it was only me that seemed to do any housework.
So I spoke to them, quietly. They honestly could not see the mess that I could see. The girls were about 15 and 13. My husband (who had to look after the girls when they were little and I was bedbound) couldn't see the mess.
So I pretended I couldn't see the mess. I did become calmer but the mess still stays and I do a little at a time.
I did try to keep the kitchen clear of rubbish/mess and I will dump it into another room. I go into the kitchen, just a small space that I CAN manage. Everywhere else only got done as and when.
It hurts me and my pride as I used to have energy and clear and tidy up. Now I don't the energy so I only do what is important to me, which is the kitchen. Mind you they leave that in a right state when I have a couple of days in bed..... so I spend a third day "recovering" when previously I would soldier on and try to clear the kitchen when I was not quite able to. Now I make sure I am well enough to face the mess and I clear the kitchen.
Yes the rest of the house is a tip.. full of clutter... it takes too much energy to even decide what to chuck out. So I wait until I have the energy or the family decide enough is enough and do something about it.
They honestly didn't see the mess.
I do and it hurts even now telling you about it.
Do what is important to you.
Clear a tiny space for yourself, anywhere in the house and retreat to it when you are tired and angry.

Skint_Catt

As hard as it would be for me to do I would go on strike. With 5 healthy fit adults in the house its just not fair on you! I know hubby works two jobs - fair play to him, but I would stop nagging the 'kids' - at 18 and 20 they should be taking responsibility for their own washing, ironing etc.

angelnikki

doelani wrote: »

I have been ill for a few years and due to this some days can hardly walk and on a good day can only do housework 5-10 minutes at a time before needed to stop to rest

That sounds exactly like me too. I've got ME and used to try to do everything because exOH wouldnt see the dirt/mess or wouldn't bother to clean it. But it was just too much so now I just do what I can when I have the energy. I dont hoover anymore, that's now exOH's job.

I have written a list of the things that need doing each week: clean kitchen, clean bathroom, dust downstairs, dust upstairs, hoover downstairs, hoover upstairs. I've stuck this list to the fridge and tick off what I've been able to do during the week (which is usually only clean the kitchen) Whatever isnt ticked off by the weekend are exOH's jobs to do.

Maybe you could try to do similar with your OH and get him to get the kids involved too? Even with your DS & DD working different days they could still have jobs that they have to do each week just dont specify the days that they need to be done on maybe? I think its worth having a chat with them all and telling them how you feel. HTH good luck

Nikki xx

Charis

I have one son left at home, he's 16. If his washing isn't in the basket on time I ask once before I load the machine and if it's not in there, tough. I haven't ironed his clothes for several years. I think he has carpet on the floor, I hardly remember now. Can't see it for rubbish and personal belongings, which he says he can find more easily if they are on the floor If his bedding gets whiffy I snatch it off and return it clean and dry but don't make his bed. The door to his room stays shut as we live on one level. He can live in squalor if he likes, so long as it doesn't spill out into the living room. We get along much better now than when I nagged him all the time to tidy up. I think it's a territory thing. He has a space where he is in control and he knows he's expected to respect the rest of the house.

ceridwen

Just clicked to the ages of the eldest two - ie they may be out earning. Well - in their case - I would turn round personally and say "your share of the housework is x% and would take y hours per week for you to do. If you dont do that share - then I will expect enough extra board and lodge money from you to pay a cleaner to come in and do it for you."

But then - I long since made up my mind that anyone sharing a roof with me would find that if they didnt do their share of the housework - then it didnt get done - simple! When it came to cleaning of bath after someone else had taken a bath for instance - I would think "I need to clean the bath once when I have a bath - and that means I do it after I have that bath. However, if someone else hasnt left a clean bath for me - then that one clean of bath will be BEFORE I have my bath - so its clean for me." I've piled other peoples dishes up in a little pile out of the way - rather than wash them. Its not easy being firm with people to do their share of housework - but I have always done so myself - even though I dont have the health problems you do. Its not fair to be someone else's "unpaid servant" even when well enough to be one - but all the more so when you arent.