Understanding children - book recommendations please

Petal_3

Hi there

I have a 6 yr old DS - normally a lovely child but I'm struggling to understand certain behaviour at the mo. He's not doing anything other than what 6 yr olds do....sulking, lying, stroppy, answering back etc etc (not all the time...lol)

We find ourselves just lecturing or telling him off all the time - this obviously isn't working and isn't the answer. I have to keep reminding myself that he doesn't think with the same logic that we do etc but I was wondering if reading about child pyschology might help me better understand why he does what he does...ifswim. I feel like I'm failing as a parent at the moment cos I keep reacting angrily (and I recognise part of this is me being tired/grumpy) and the cycle continues...

Any recommendations/experiences welcome.

Thanks

~x~

squashy

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Good-Behaviour-Book-Better-Behaved-Child/dp/0007198248/ref=pd_sbs_b?ie=UTF8&qid=1218108319&sr=8-1

http://www.amazon.co.uk/No-Cry-Discipline-Solution-Encourage-Behaviour/dp/0077117298/ref=pd_sbs_b?ie=UTF8&qid=1218108319&sr=8-1

Or anything by these two authors, they really help you to understand who your children are, acknowledging that they are little people with feelings of frustration and anger sometimes, and how to tune in to that in order to help them. I really wish I'd known some of the philosophies with my oldest girl as I feel I missed out on lots of her toddlerhood due to all the battles and my frustration that she was not able to simply "be good". I felt like I used to be telling her off all the time. I am not saying life is perfect now but I don't feel like their behaviour is spiralling out of control, and that I am failing as a mum, as we can simply work through issues together.

Hugs to you!

blue_sushi_cat

I sympathise - I have 2 ds's - lovely most of the time but they do turn into trolls every now and then! If only troll-be-gone spray wasn't just a figment of my imagination!
This one, Beyond Toddlerdom, by Christopher Green is good as is this one, Raising boys by Steve Biddulph.

Now if only I could get dh to read them hugs and hth

foreversomeday

Hello

My favourite book is How To Talk So Kids Will Listen And Listen So Kids Will Talk, by Adele Faber.

It is American and does contain some very US-centric language ("Gee, you must be so mad!" etc) but really really don't let this put you off, the principles can be applied even to us reserved British families! I think the edition I linked to is the UK edition anyway but they haven't changed the text much.

Most libraries have a copy of this one so you could always check there before you order it.

I love this book because it works when talking to husbands as well!!

ETA: Amazon reviews usually give good advice on a book and they are all over 3 stars for this one

Spendless

The best thing I ever read came from a parenting course run by my child's school by an orgnaisation called Families First. The course was called "what can a parent do". It identifies different types of behaviour and suggests several different coping /changing behaviour strategies as no blanket solution will work on every child. Definately worth a google.

Chloe5

Steve Biddulph on raising boys and Christopher Green (although he tends to look at issues such as adhd his advice is very helpful). Can't beat.

Petal_3

Thanks all. Thinking about it - I think I do understand him pretty well - it's the way we react to his behaviour that's the problem. Maybe I need a book on parenting!! lol

My OH and I have discussed what we're doing and how we're reacting and decided to make some changes. We realised that we had become quite negative - don't do this/that, this is how to do things correctly (translates - you're doing it wrong...again) etc. He's not to blame for our tiredness and our unwillingness to participate in things he wants to do because we are! He's an only child so he only has us! Poor thing..... Since we have changed our behaviour towards him he has been soooo lovely. I will have a look in the librbary for your suggestions. I do have a book on psychology with a section on children which I read every now and again to remind myself of what's really going on, which is really interesting.

The other day I had fallen asleep on the bed and he had woken me up with a kiss on the cheek....I didn't realise that his Dad had also fallen asleep on the sofa downstairs and our DS had dragged his duvet down from his bed and covered his Dad up with it and given him a teddy....Bless!

Now.....where to find more energy.....

Thanks for taking the time..

~x~