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telling your other half that he should stop helping

Deals_2
Deals_2 Posts: 2,410 Forumite
in Marriage, relationships & families
out others and get on with earning his own money first to pay bills. i have had enough. it has jeapardised our own situation. i dont mind he helps other but outside of main work hours. what would you do? i cannot live with someone like this as i am carrying everyone and i have a toddler. and i dont get any of the advantages of a single person on my own with child otherwise either. any tips appreciated. thanks
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Comments

  • tootiefrooties
    tootiefrooties Posts: 384 Forumite
    Just tell him in black and white terms! The chances are that if you are struggling and he's throwing cash at other people, he doesn't realise the situation. Next time he comes home telling you how he's donated a new roof for the church, just point at the holes in your socks and remind him that charity begins at home!
  • ameliarate
    ameliarate Posts: 7,389 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts Name Dropper
    Does he not have a job? How is he helping other people? Are you working?

    Sorry to disillusion you but having been a single parent there are no advantages, other than not arguing with someone else about taking on their share of responsibilities.
    We don't stop playing because we grow old; We grow old because we stop playing.
  • pinkshoes
    pinkshoes Posts: 20,675 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Name Dropper Photogenic
    Sit him down and tell him you NEED to talk, then lay it down in black and white.

    Don't be subtle - he's male, he won't get it! Just spell it out to him that you've had enough and will leave him if the situation doesn't improve!
    Should've = Should HAVE (not 'of')
    Would've = Would HAVE (not 'of')

    No, I am not perfect, but yes I do judge people on their use of basic English language. If you didn't know the above, then learn it! (If English is your second language, then you are forgiven!)
  • pukkamum
    pukkamum Posts: 3,944 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts Combo Breaker
    give him a taste of his own medicine, for tea tonight give him a slice of dry bread and tell him you donated his tea to the neighbours dog, see how he likes it!
    I don't get nearly enough credit for not being a violent psychopath.
  • Deals_2
    Deals_2 Posts: 2,410 Forumite
    single....! when you have to pay for their bills when you have a kid and everything else and they dont do their bit then not worth being in the relationship.
    ameliarate wrote: »
    Does he not have a job? How is he helping other people? Are you working?

    Sorry to disillusion you but having been a single parent there are no advantages, other than not arguing with someone else about taking on their share of responsibilities.
  • mrcow
    mrcow Posts: 15,170 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Combo Breaker
    Deals wrote: »
    and they dont do their bit then not worth being in the relationship.

    Well except for the fact that you love each other.......


    .........supposedly? :confused:
    "One day I realised that when you are lying in your grave, it's no good saying, "I was too shy, too frightened."
    Because by then you've blown your chances. That's it."
  • Carmina_Piranha_3
    Carmina_Piranha_3 Posts: 6,586 Forumite
    sorry for being thick - is he working on an hourly rate, and helping others out instead of going in to work? or do you mean he is giving his wages to others? :confused:
    'bad mothers club' member 13

    * I have done geography as well *
  • Deals_2
    Deals_2 Posts: 2,410 Forumite
    but does not put in the hours necessary as always helping out etc etc.......
    Carmina_Piranha wrote: »
    sorry for being thick - is he working on an hourly rate, and helping others out instead of going in to work? or do you mean he is giving his wages to others? :confused:
  • Carmina_Piranha_3
    Carmina_Piranha_3 Posts: 6,586 Forumite
    who does he help out, and in what ways? is it something short term - a relative moving house or suddenly ill sort of thing?
    'bad mothers club' member 13

    * I have done geography as well *
  • Deals_2
    Deals_2 Posts: 2,410 Forumite
    more than any family
    Carmina_Piranha wrote: »
    who does he help out, and in what ways? is it something short term - a relative moving house or suddenly ill sort of thing?
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