Paying for our wedding when in debt

margaretclare

By the way, if you do fancy a church wedding, the non-conformist churches - Methodist, Baptist, United Reform etc - tend to be cheaper than CofE. They are also more understanding about people who may be divorced, not baptised etc.

mrcow

margaretclare wrote: »

They are also more understanding about people who may be divorced, not baptised etc.

The Cof E church is very open to marrying divorcees and for people who have not necessarily been baptised being married together in their churches. If someone wants to be married in a particular church, then that is their prerogative. The process is quite simple. The Church of England has many beautiful churches seeped in history where millions of other couples have been married over the years.

The Church will welcome them with open arms and so should its members and clergy. There is no need to have to go to a different church demonination that the couple in question may not understand or be comfortable with.

margaretclare

mrcow wrote: »

The Cof E church is very open to marrying divorcees and for people who have not necessarily been baptised being married together in their churches. If someone wants to be married in a particular church, then that is their prerogative. The process is quite simple. The Church of England has many beautiful churches seeped in history where millions of other couples have been married over the years.

The Church will welcome them with open arms and so should its members and clergy. There is no need to have to go to a different church denomination that the couple in question may not understand or be comfortable with.

Amazing. All I can say is, they must have changed a heck of a lot over the last 10 years if this is true.

DH moved in with me in November 1997 in flight from an abusive failed marriage. I was a widow, had always been a churchgoer. I wanted to marry him as soon as he was divorced, but the local CofE took the opposite attitude to the one that you outline. About as far away as possible! I had been a Catholic before that and the local parish priest barred me from the sacraments. We live just round the corner from a very beautiful small historic church and were not only looking for somewhere to be married, but a church where we could become members and worship together. That church is now threatened with closure because of 'lack of support'. We would have been regular attenders and church members if they had agreed to marry us. In fact, we found the kindest and most Christian of welcomes in our local Methodist Church, and we are still worshippers and active members there. DH was baptised and confirmed in his 70th year. All that our Methodist minister required before agreeing to marry us was that I had not been the cause of his marriage break-up - it was dead in the water before we ever met, I was just the 'port in a storm'. By contrast, the Anglican vicar laughed at us: 'oh no, twice-divorced and not baptised? No, of course you can't be married here!'

AnnieM_3

I agree with AnnieM. I am not in favour of people getting married in church unless they want to ask God's blessing and they understand that the difference between a church wedding and a civil ceremony is just that - God is involved. No good if you don't believe in God. Getting married in church just because others expect it, it looks good in the photos, whatever, is just hypocrisy.

I have now been to a very simple but nice register office wedding. My brother is a complete non-believer and as they've lived together for 20-some years anyway, he didn't want anything else. That was the first time I'd ever been to a register office wedding and I was impressed by the two registrars, how nice they tried to make it for everyone. It wasn't just '5 minutes in and out' which is what I'd been told. Me, I couldn't get married without flowers and music, and also, for us it had to be church because we are both believers, so that's what DH and I had in 2002 for our wedding - the local Methodist Church because the CofE didn't approve of him being divorced and not baptised.

I've also been to some really nice weddings in civil venues, one in a hotel and one in a 'stately home'. With those, you can include poems, readings, music etc, the only stipulation is that it can't be 'church' music and no prayers. But it can be very nice nevertheless. People make of it what they want nowadays.

The Register Office where we got married (neither of us is a Christian, so a church wedding was never considered) is in the top 50 locations in the world, according to an article in The Independent in April 2006. It's up there with such exalted venues as the Pyramids, and the Great Wall of China! It really was a beautiful place - and MUCH better value than some of the rip-off places we looked at! In fact, it was ludicrously cheap in comparison!

We were able to choose music for my entrance, for the signing of the register etc., and we could have had readings/poems too, but we couldn't decide so didn't in the end. We expected just a 'Nobody objects? Do you? Do you? Kiss the Bride!' but the ceremony was lovely, and we could have chosen our own vows if we'd wanted to. Had we so wished, we could have had our own flowers (the florist would have taken them on to the reception after our ceremony), but the flowers they had there were beautiful anyway.

Like Margaretclaire says - you make of your wedding what you want of it. I've been to church weddings, RO weddings, hotel weddings, and what makes it a truly wonderful day is, as the OP says, the commitment between the couple. You could be in a muddy field, wearing wellies and a sack, and it would still be as good if you're with someone you truly love

Rachie_B

smileypigface wrote: »

I agree, a marriage is about making a commitment to each other. We get married a week tomorrow in a lighthouse - just us and my 3 kids - two of whom are old enough to be witnesses and the younger one (9) will be invited to sign too next to his sisters so he's part of the ceremony. Our dog will no doubt be singing to us from the bottom of the lighthouse as he's not allowed up the ladders and we'll be having a picnic afterwards with a nice meal out in the evening.

It's second time around for both of us - we've done the big 'do' last time - this time we are keeping it simple and relaxed with the important people there.

It's about a commitment to our relationship with each other which includes the children - we will tell the wider family over the following two weeks when we have plans to meet up for family meals out.

So from an MSE point of view it's worked out well - a new outfit each; 3 nights B&B near the lighthouse; about £300 each for the registrar and the lighthouse and probably about £50 for picnic food from M&S on the day.

Probably not to everyone's taste but for us it's perfect and we are really looking forward to our day - for all the right reasons this time - not just for the knees up!!!!

Hope you find a good solution to suit you (and your pocket!)

aww that sounds fab ! :T :beer:

have a lovely day
xx

margaretclare

AnnieM, it wasn't the Cotton Exchange at Liverpool, by any chance, was it? Because that's a very historic building and it was where my brother got married a few weeks ago.

Savvy_Sue

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shelovestobuystuff

So you want to get married but you dont think you can afford to.Do what my skinflint hubby2b did and tell your fiance she can have what she can pay for re the wedding.Theres nothing more successful or persistent than a bride with a mission.Check my signature.

Little_Belle

Re marriage and divorce -

As far as I am aware it is priest discretion or it can be taken to the bishop.

I am catholic my H2B is not the priest at my church has agreed to marry us under his discretion but if he had not been baptized it would have to go to the bishop - The catholic church is a no no with divorcees as far as I am aware BUT the CoE that is priest discretion on divorce too..

My father was married 2 years ago in the CoE he had been divorced from my mother for about 8 or 9 years. The difference was they were married in a registry office as my mothers first wedding was catholic church and the catholic church refused to marry them because of that. But My father was still a divorcee -

The priest initially said no he was not prepared to marry my father because of the divorce, it was only after me having a meeting with the priest that he allowed them to marry there. Think i said something about wanting to marry in the eyes of god not just in the eyes of the law.

So anyway - thats my two pence worth, its priest discretion / bishops decision.

LB

mrcow

Little_Belle wrote: »

as far as I am aware BUT the CoE that is priest discretion on divorce too..

Well considering my vicar has been divorced and remarried, it would be a little two faced for him to not marry someone on those grounds

Margaret, I have no idea if things have changed since you were married as i have no experience of the churches and vicars in question, but I can say that I have been to more church weddings than I can remember where the couple in question have not been baptised and also a fair few where at least one of the couple have been divorced (am going to one this Saturday in fact).