Paying for our wedding when in debt

margaretclare

My brother recently got married after some 20+ years together, youngest child now 18. They had the simplest of weddings in Liverpool Register Office, a very historic building - we attended the wedding. The actual wedding can't have cost very much, but they had a party at home to celebrate both the wedding and the girl's birthday. I think they splashed out more on the party than on the wedding - catering from Waitrose - and luckily the afternoon was fine so most people sat out in the garden.

A wedding does not have to cost a lot. My brother isn't poor - reason for marrying at that late stage was so that she could inherit his pension and for the sake of IHT. But apart from the catering, it can't have cost very much at all.

AnnieM_3

Paparika wrote: »

would a registry office wedding do for now

Would you like to explain what makes a register office wedding less amazing than something else?

Paparika

AnnieM wrote: »

Would you like to explain what makes a register office wedding less amazing than something else?

Yes as opposed to a big fancy 'expensive' church wedding

AnnieM_3

I think I see the point you're trying to make, but it should be said that alternative venues (hotels etc) and Register Offices are not a compromise or a lesser choice, and can be big, fancy and expensive if the couple so wish.

Getting married in a church should be about making vows before God, not about how good it will look in the photos IMHO. I think a lot of people lose sight of that.

consultant31

I recently asked someone this question - do you want to be married or do you want to have a wedding?

The two things are not necessarily the same. Getting married can be done very cheaply and it can be a lovely experience for both bride and groom. It's the wedding that costs all the money.

A fancy frock which will be worn for a few hours only. Masses of food and drink for all those people who you only see once a year, and who will buy you gifts you have very little use for.

So, just ask yourself one question and decide what you really, really want!

Mr_Maximus

Consultant.

I think I have therefore made a boo boo in the posting then. We want to be married to show our commitment to each other but for the whole church thing and bits and bobs it is way over the top for what we would like. We have opted to use a hotel for practical reasons that most of my family are from the North and we live in Newbury Berkshire. If we hire out 10 rooms (which we will because of family) we get the venue FREE.

Please people don't get me wrong I/we don't want an all guns blazing wedding like some people that spend silly money on the day. Just a nice ceremony to bind us both legally and as a gesture of love between two people. God I am getting soppy.

As per another post I best remove my signature before I get my wrists slapped but if anyone wishes to see my blog just have a peek at the website.

margaretclare

I agree with AnnieM. I am not in favour of people getting married in church unless they want to ask God's blessing and they understand that the difference between a church wedding and a civil ceremony is just that - God is involved. No good if you don't believe in God. Getting married in church just because others expect it, it looks good in the photos, whatever, is just hypocrisy.

I have now been to a very simple but nice register office wedding. My brother is a complete non-believer and as they've lived together for 20-some years anyway, he didn't want anything else. That was the first time I'd ever been to a register office wedding and I was impressed by the two registrars, how nice they tried to make it for everyone. It wasn't just '5 minutes in and out' which is what I'd been told. Me, I couldn't get married without flowers and music, and also, for us it had to be church because we are both believers, so that's what DH and I had in 2002 for our wedding - the local Methodist Church because the CofE didn't approve of him being divorced and not baptised.

I've also been to some really nice weddings in civil venues, one in a hotel and one in a 'stately home'. With those, you can include poems, readings, music etc, the only stipulation is that it can't be 'church' music and no prayers. But it can be very nice nevertheless. People make of it what they want nowadays.

smileypigface

I agree, a marriage is about making a commitment to each other. We get married a week tomorrow in a lighthouse - just us and my 3 kids - two of whom are old enough to be witnesses and the younger one (9) will be invited to sign too next to his sisters so he's part of the ceremony. Our dog will no doubt be singing to us from the bottom of the lighthouse as he's not allowed up the ladders and we'll be having a picnic afterwards with a nice meal out in the evening.

It's second time around for both of us - we've done the big 'do' last time - this time we are keeping it simple and relaxed with the important people there.

It's about a commitment to our relationship with each other which includes the children - we will tell the wider family over the following two weeks when we have plans to meet up for family meals out.

So from an MSE point of view it's worked out well - a new outfit each; 3 nights B&B near the lighthouse; about £300 each for the registrar and the lighthouse and probably about £50 for picnic food from M&S on the day.

Probably not to everyone's taste but for us it's perfect and we are really looking forward to our day - for all the right reasons this time - not just for the knees up!!!!

Hope you find a good solution to suit you (and your pocket!)

Bella79

i got married in a dress from debenhams for £80 and a suit for hubby £100 register office £80 i think little posy from florists (i asked fr a bridesmaids one) £50 then we had a night in a hotel which our parents paid for , We got married and drove striaght to our hotel so no need for a reception
I must add we diddnt do it this way to save money btu we just didnt want a big wedding diddnt feel we needed it to validate our love we just wanted to be mr&mrs !! lol

vaio

Mr_Maximus wrote: »

..........Please people don't get me wrong I/we don't want an all guns blazing wedding like some people that spend silly money on the day. Just a nice ceremony to bind us both legally and as a gesture of love between two people..............

Delightful sentiments

All the best for the future