PLEASE please help me, help my Mum.

jellyjelly84

Hello, I often read the forums on here but tonight I have decided to join. Mainly because I am upset and I don't know what to do. I'll start at the begininning...My Mum is the bravest, most incredible person I know, and the fact that she is probally in bed, lying wide awake and sick with worry is breaking my heart. My Mum was widowed 19 years ago, my Dad died leaving her with 2 young children aged 5 and 2 1/2 and a newsagents to run, my Mum couldn't afford to just keep running the shop so she went back to work, would run the shop and always put my brother and I to bed. 2 years after my Dad died we moved, I don't know how she managed it, but a lot of debt followed us which she managed to pay off. We've sort of coasted through life and my brother and I have never done without anything, she has given us everything to make up fr the fact that my Dad isn't here; I know my Mum used to go to work with holes in her shoes, but it didn't matter to her so long as my brother and I were clean and tidy. All her life she has struggled and worked hard, fast forward a couple of years and I have finished university, although I had my fees paid for me and recived a student loan ahe would still pay for my food bills and help me out now and again. My brother is still in university and I know that we are her biggest achievemment because she promised my Dad that she would give us a good education. I am now a 24 year old teacher, at the moment I still live at home, however I am in the process of obtaining planning permission to build a house (boyfrind has a farm) I told my Mum. that when I started working I would pay her rent; and on the whole I hav given her £200 a month, I have offered more but she won't take it. My brother who is in uni and works full time doesn't pay rent. Anyway, I knew my Mum as having a few problems, a couple of jobs have needed to be done on the car and the house and things have been a little bit tight money-wise, however I had no idea things were as they were unil this morning. My Mum has recived a court summons for a secured loan that she took out. I am in bits. She told me abut it and seeing her cry because she is terrified of losing our home is all I can think about. Will they take our house? I don't know how many of the repaymnts were missed, but can I try and pay them? I dn't have much money as I've been paying off my overreaft etc I I was abit silly in uni with a credit card so I don't know how good my credit rating is but I was accepted for an usecured loan which I didn't take a while back, so If i took it ou now I could give the money to my Mum. If we are forced to move out my Mum has said that she'll go and on't tell anyone where because he won't be able to cope with he shame and my brother and I will have to fend for ourselves. This is going to break my family up and I can't bear the thought of losing another parent. What can I do to help my Mum, she is s fantastic and she has done so much for me, how can I help her now? Do we have to go to court? can she pay the arreas and the fees and start the payments back up again? I will pay them if I have to, r do we have t go to court? Can I speak to the judge and explain? I'm so worried that my family is going to get broken up. Any advice would be really really appreichiated. Thanks.

Ossireo

I am sure there will be some people who will come along with some advice soon. I wanted to say you are really in the right place for support.

Do you think your mother will sit down and go through all the finances with you so you can get an idea of what the state of play is as a whole picture? I think only when you have a full picture can you look at courses of action and how you can best help your mother.

I think the first challenge you may have is getting her to open up to you about everything if she is truly so ashamed of the situation.

Take care and keep us up to date with what you can find out. As far as I am aware most things can be salvaged, even when they are as far along as court action xx

moggylover

Hi, I can only re-iterate what Ossireo said, you will need as much detail of the debt and so forth as possible but there will definitely be people on here who will be able to tell you what to do.

Do no be terrified of Court - they are only people, and they will listen to your side of things - but it may be that there are things that you can do before that if you can get enough details from your Mum.

There is always the CAB (Citizens Advice Bureau) for actual legal advice, and perhaps a solicitor to help you with the Court Case, but first and foremost, try to get the whole details and a list of bills and expenses so that you know where you are and can post these so that the MSE crowd can help.

Good on you for being there for your Mum, and I am sure that there will be others along soon to offer more advice.

Good luck - and if you do not get any replies cos it is late - then add to the thread tomorrow to "bump" it up to the top again!

jellyjelly84

thank you. I don't know who else to talk to, she's been on her own for so long that she finds it really difficult to open up and trust me, she knows that I can deal with most things, I tend to take most things in my stride (because she does) but my brother won't cope withng tellt this, I'm tryng to be strong, I keep telling my Mum I won't let anything happen to her - and I never would, but i'm completely out of my depth, i've only ever dealt with a credit/debt collection agency once! I can't even tell my partner as he thinks i'm saving fr a house - how can I go and build a hosue when my Mum might be losing hers? and if they did take the house would they just deduct the money owed to them or take the lot? I'm so worried but trying not to show it, hence the waffling!

chevalier

hi there
you need to do three things as soon as possible
1) do an SOA for yourself, ie your income and expenses. This will allow you to see whether you can afford the loan you are thinking of getting, but also allow you to see whether you can afford to increase your rent to her, which will ease your mothers problems anyway.
2) Do an SOA for your mum. You are going to have to be very assertive and insist she is honest with you about this, so that between you, you can sort out a solution that will sort all of the problems this one time and ensure that they don't reoccur in the future.
3) you need to tell you bro something, even if it is to mention that we ought to be looking after mum more so can you contribute. Likewise, with your mums permission you have to tell your partner something, you can't lie about this to someone you are hoping to spend the rest of your life with.
4) Once you have done the statement of affairs, then you need to call one of the free debt charities eg CCCS or Payplan to talk throught what is happening. I am sure that they will be able to explain what you need to do ref the court summons, which will be a weight of both your minds.
5) But right now GO TO BED. You can't be your most efficient if you have had no sleep!
chev
ps sorry got carried away that was 5 things wasn't it!

fortune_pete

Hi jellyjelly84,
You mum needs to urgently ring either;
National Debtline 0808 808 4000 or;
Consumer Credit Counselling Service 0800 138 1111

They are non-profit organisations who are experts in dealing with debts which have reached this stage. They will be able to advise your mum the best course of action. She needs to put her pride to one side, calmly discuss and give them all the details of her debts as well as all her income and outgoings, again in detail.
She will soon have a plan of action to tackle the problem. They deal with problems of this nature every day so you can be confident you mum will be in good hands.

In the meantime don't despair, your mum is still a long way from losing her home despite what the nasty letters from those pushing her to repay may say about what a court can do.
Also, if your brother and yourself are able to help out then speak to your mum and offer what you are able to, that is without putting yourselves in a unmanageable debt situation too.

The important thing though is for your mum to act quickly and follow the advise given, not be ashamed and remember it's only money. It can't take anything away from the terrific job she's done of bringing up her children.
She still has every reason to hold her head high and manage this new situation with the same confidence and financial skill she's shown in the past.

Karmacat

Hello Jelly

So sorry to hear about all this. I'm just posting partly to bump, partly to agree with what chev and fortune pete have said. It does sound like this can be sorted if you get your mum to open up a bit and deal with it with you. Show her this site!

Take care, and keep posting.

tudorfan22

i know its early but just wanted to say well done for your mum - now is your turn to help her, you can really make the world of difference to her whith the great help of the clever people on this site - hope you were able to get some shut eye and please let us know the progress!

Ossireo

Morning bump

kizzykizzywizzy

Sorry your Mum is having hard times, nothing practical to say, but just wanted to say you sound like you have a lovely family & I'm sure you will aget through this together
Take Care :A

kpwll

Your mum sounds like an amazing lady, I hope everything turns out well for you all.