Finanacial marriage crisis

Tcs

Ive been happliy married for 24years, 2 years ago my husband ran up debts to 30,000 on credit cards without my knowlege i only found out when his payments got into arrears and debt collectors started calling, we decided the only way out of this was to put the amount on our mortgage and struggled with meeting repayments, I have now found that he has borrowed another 8,000 (business debts)and secured this to our home, with out my consent, i am at my wits end, don't no what to do, I am considering a Legal Seperation, does anyone no if this would be the right direction to take.

consultant31

I'm sorry I can't really help, but I just wanted to send you a (((hug))) and hope you find some way through this.

squidge60

i think the only reason to consider a seperation is if you dont love him? x

scottish_lassy

If you can't trust someone, I don't see how you can possible love them! Trust and respect are the basis for any relationship.

I would check how on earth he managed to get a loan against your house if the asset is in both your names.

It sounds as if he definately has a problem managing money - and he knows it - otherwise he would not have tried to hide it! See if he will talk and come completely clean about everything!

whitewing

I think you should get counselling before a separation. Even if you go on your own to relate.

If you've been married so long and he's only just recently run up debts, do you know why?

It seems strange to suddenly go off the rails.

A little more background may be helpful, if you are prepared to share it with us....

Do you have children?

Tcs

whitewing wrote: »

I think you should get counselling before a separation. Even if you go on your own to relate.

If you've been married so long and he's only just recently run up debts, do you know why?

It seems strange to suddenly go off the rails.

A little more background may be helpful, if you are prepared to share it with us....

Do you have children?

The reason why ,was he got involved in business with the wrong person, someone who he thought he could trust, thats why i helped him and we consolidated his debt, now he has started another business and its not doing well, he has tried to cover this up but now as i said he is in debt again, i I'm 55 years old ,two grown up kids,one still at home, just feel that that I can't see light at the end of the tunnel.

alwaysonthego_2

Hi,

can I ask:
1) what is your monthly income?

2)What your monthly payments are to your loans?

3) Do you have any priority debts (mortgage arrears, electricity, gas, council tax)

The cab do not recommend that you consolidate your loans especially secured to your home, but unfortunely it is too late. If you can answer the above I can give you a bit of help how you should be able to tackle your debts.

Tcs

alwaysonthego wrote: »

Hi,

can I ask:
1) what is your monthly income?

2)What your monthly payments are to your loans?

3) Do you have any priority debts (mortgage arrears, electricity, gas, council tax)

The cab do not recommend that you consolidate your loans especially secured to your home, but unfortunely it is too late. If you can answer the above I can give you a bit of help how you should be able to tackle your debts.

I have a seasonal business that brings me in about £15,000 year, my husband's business as i said is not bringing in any income.
My monthly mortgage is £415 ( the extra £36,000 which was my husbands debts is on an overdraft attached to the mortgage) is costing another £250 interest only thats what i'm struggling to pay, I am not in arrears with any of my fixed expentidure, i have aout £2,000 on credit cards paying the minimum each month on 0 interest. I am thinking of selling my house, although it is a bad time, and also need somewhere to live. its a mess !

alwaysonthego_2

okay well your priority debt is the overdraft attached to your mortgage and your mortgage. The credit card debt is non-priority, which means you should pay the priority over the non.

What I suggest you do is fill out a budget sheet listing your incomings/outgoings. You will also need to send a proof of income. You will need to send this letter to each of your creditors, attaching the budget sheet and proof of income. Please send the letter recorded delivery keeping a copy. You need to make a realistic offer that you can afford otherwise you will have problems making other offers. You need to make sure you offer a pro rata figure of whta is left over each month to each creditor depending on the size of the debt. If you do not get any joy, you need to go to the cab and asked to be referred to a debt specialist.
Please look at page 42 of this debt pack that we give out to our clients at the cab.
If you bank with your mortgage company or credit card company don't forget to change your bank account

Debt_Free_Chick

Tcs - I'm not sure what you want to achieve when you ask if a Legal Separation is the right direction.

Are you trying to address the relationship side of things or the financial side? As far as the finances are concerned, the starting point would be a 50/50 split so you would end up paying for half his debts anyway. The only way around this would be for him to offer/agree to take a 100% hit in his share for his debts. These kind of negotations can get very sticky and take a long time to resolve and you would have solicitor's and/or mediator's fees to pay too.

For the relationship side of things, there must be issues for you both. For him, he obviously felt he couldn't confide in you re the new debt. Was he simply being callously deceitful? Or does he have a lack of trust/confidence in the support you might offer him?

Whilst I understand comments like "you can't be in a relationship with someone you don't trust", trust is an odd thing. If you don't trust someone, you can't give them an opportunity to show that they can be trusted - so they can never win your trust. You have to offer it, upfront - it's a risk we all take in life.

It seems to me that you are both failing to communicate with eachother and counselling would be a great way for you each to say how you feel. It's likely to open up all sorts of issues neither of you realised you had.

Whilst the amount of money is huge, is this a big enough issue to end a 24 year relationship? Only you can answer that one and it has to be the first question you ask yourself.

Good luck