Advice on adoption in the uk

nifi26

lindseykim, have you considered international adoption?
Oldernotwiser is right in saying there aren't many babies up for adoption in the uk and most councils will not let you adopt a child that is of an ethnic origin other than your own.
Unfortunately more and more countries are closing international adoption to the uk but the procedure may be shorter than adoption in the uk.
By shorter I mean 2 years from start to finish rather than (sometimes) four.

It's a sad reality for both parents and children.

I have closely followed friends going through international adoption and can also tell you that it is a very costly process, much more than uk adoption.

Strapped

Hubby and I have two sons. For various medical reasons, another pregnancy is probably not wise for me, but we'd love to add to our family. We felt we were discouraged when we looking into adoption though; the message seemed to be that families who already had bio children were last on the list for adoption, if at all. (Not saying that this isn't how it should be, but just letting the OP know).

pinkshoes

My aunt and uncle were both just over 40 when they decided to adopt (they couldn't have children naturally or with IVF), but because of their age, they were told they couldn't adopt a baby, so would have to have a disabled or older child.

Anyhow, they are now adopting from China, but to do it legally, it's a LONG process, and has currently been going on for 3 years. It makes them furious when they see the likes of Madonna and Angelina Jolie just add another child onto their list. My aunt and uncle are very well off, but don't just want to flash the cash, as they want to do it legally!

So please be prepared for a LONG wait! And to have every little bit of your family life scrutinised!

Those from a wealthy middle class white background seem to be last in the queue when it comes to adoption!

Oldernotwiser

I think it's sad that people go for adopting a baby from overseas when there are so many children in this country crying out for a family of their own.

Beanynut2

Hi LindseyKim13

We adopted two kids about 10 years ago and although a challenge at times it has been very rewarding.

The best advice I feel that I can give you is to learn as much as you can about Attachment Disorder - babies and children can develop this when they receive inadequate or broken parenting.

AdoptionUK - is an invaluable adoption support organisation, which give you loads of practical and emotional advice and guidance. Their website is: www.adoptionuk.org

Good luck
Jill

princess

Hi, we were in our 30s when we started trying to adopt. We were looking at any child under 8 - i'm afraid a baby would have been nigh on impossible. We would have accepted disabilities, but unfortuanately we didnt think we could cope with degenerative disorders. After two years assessment, we were 'passed' and amazingly quickly less than a month after that we were matched with a child 6 years old who is now our son. He is mixed race and we are white, but he is entirely white looking and as he had been turned down by so many mixed race families for obvious reasons, he was allowed to come to us as we have mixed race nephews and neices. Because of this we were not able to legally adopt him for two years after he came to live with us in case problems presented themselves and social workers visited us for one afternoon every two weeks for two years. This was incredibly stressful. However it is the best thing we have ever done, and he is thriving now at age 13.
Not always the case though as I'm sure you already know and lots of the other couples from our classes have had tremendous problems, even having to hand children back in several cases - in one case because of threats and actual violence (continued arson) directed towards birth children. Good luck if you decide it is the way forward for you.

nifi26

Oldernotwiser wrote: »

I think it's sad that people go for adopting a baby from overseas when there are so many children in this country crying out for a family of their own.

The quality of children's homes and fostering services in the uk is much higher than in other countries and children stay in care longer. In russia, romania and china (to name just a few) children's homes are bursting and they have not got the means to offer adaquate care.
this is one of the reasons that overseas adoption is easier, and more children are available (not the best word to use but I dont know how eklse to put it).

Personally i dont think it matters where the child is from. british children and Russian children need a home just the same.:rolleyes:

I never heard of having own children being a factor in adoption. surely the parents ability to took after the child is more important?
It's not a lucky dip, after all.

The process is about finding a home for a child, rather than a child for two people. (not my opinion, but the goverment's).

UglyBetty

As others here have said, if you want to adopt a child, the assessment and approval process is necessarily lengthy. After all, children & babies who are placed for adoption have already experienced the trauma of losing a birth family at least, and abuse/neglect and sometimes several carers at worst. Even babies come with a history and the authorities must ensure that the people who are approved as adopters understand and are able to take on the often difficult (and rewarding) lifetime role of adopters. There are charities that offer workshops, advice & counselling to adopted people, adoptive families, birth relatives and prospective adopters. One such charity is: postadoptioncentre.org.uk who also offer an advice line 020 7284 5879 see website for details. You can also go to an open day or evening of your local council or adoption agency for more general information about becoming an adopter.

GreenQueen

Hi,

The best place to go initially is your local social services. The process we went through was an open day where we filled in forms followed by an initial visit from a social worker. They decided to take us forward, so we had to wait for a 'prepare to care' course. As our LA on ran those every three months, and had a waiting list, it was actually 8 months before we got a place on a course. Thereafter, it took about 5 weeks to allocate us a social worker, and the home study took 9 months, before we went to panel.

Once we had been approved, we heard about our daughter (to be) within about 6 weeks, although it was another 6 weeks before she moved in with us - various arrangements had to be made, introductions, etc.

We were told there were very few babies available, we would have to consider a child with a disability and at the time of approval we were both 43. However, we were matched with a perfect little girl who was 15 months at the time she was placed with us. She is now 2 and a half, and the most delightful child you can imagine - I count my blessings every day.

Good luck in your journey!
GreenQueen

merlinormartin

Attachment Disorder - babies and children can develop this when they receive inadequate or broken parenting.

A fantastic book is why love matters: how affection shapes a babies brain. by sue gerhardt
http://www.amazon.co.uk/Why-Love-Matters-Affection-Shapes/dp/1583918175/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1215631896&sr=8-1