Trying to have some fun in a marriage!

Kalamaker

My wife is very tight with money, VERY tight. We're currently saving for a house and she is unwilling to part with any money for a night on the town once in a while. I'm not asking to go out once a week, but seeing a movie once a month couldn't hurt. I've tried making some money on the side on my own so I can take her out, but she insists on putting that money and refuses to go out anywhere. Does anyone have suggestions as to how to remedy this situation? It's really putting a strain on our marriage as we haven't had any fun in a long while. We do have a son, and we have someone who will babysit for free for a few hours, so that is not a problem. Please help!:mad:

skylight

http://www.seefilmfirst.com/homepage.welcome.action
Something free then?? See if they operate at a cinema near you.

A free picnic in the park/woods etc. Just get one together and a babysitter without telling her. Do it on a nice day though or it will spoil the effect!

nikaso

I know its a long shot but I remember a similar situation a few years ago with my girlfriend, I was actually suffering from anxiety at the time (fully recovered now!) and I didn't like to go out in case I had a panic attack, however I covered it up by saying I was just saving money when she suggested we go out somewhere.

This is probably not relevant to your situation but it might be worth considering if there are other issues behind your wife's reluctance to go out besides being frugal?

sismith42

What is your budget really like? Is she right to be so very worried about money (and you're burrying your head in the sand) or are things really not as bad as she thinks? What sort of time scale do you want to buy a house? Does it match *her* time scale? Is she cutting back on other "luxuries" (makeup, clothes, nicer food, etc), or is it just going out? What did you two do before you got married, and before she started saving for a house? Has she always been like this, or is this tightness a recent thing? Have you discussed priorities? Are you letting her pick the movies, or is it a case of "honey lets go see this crappy macho film" to which she replies "oh, um, we need to save money" when she really means "no way am I seeing THAT"...?

Basically, this sounds like a serious lack of communication-- your post makes it sound like she's decided not to go out and do anything social at all, and the you don't bother discussing WHAT your extra income is budgeted for (so she thinks it's fair game for the house-fund, instaid of being earmarked for "fun")... sit down and talk to her, and insist on a "going out" item in your budget, even if it's only £7 or so a month for Orange Weds... also get her involvement in what "going out" is (even if it's something free like a long walk while the baby is cared for by someone else). One other thought: how much *housework* are YOU doing? Maybe it's that she doesn't think she has the time to go out, not the money...

Kalamaker

skylight - I'll check that site out, it would be great if we could watch something for free! A picnic in the park sounds great, but she's not one who likes the outdoors outside of playing soccer. We used to watch a movie a week before we got hitched, it was our "thing" I guess you could say. Things are getting stale in the marriage and I figure doing something that we liked doing in the past might help.

nikaso - Glad to hear you recovered from your anxiety! No, the problem with the wife is that she's extremely frugal. I do understand that buying a house is important, and very expensive especially in Hawaii, but we both make a decent living, we can afford to watch a flick from time to time.

skylight

Sorry - thought you were based in the UK, so the site is UK!!!

There must be free stuff you can do in Hawaii????? Apart from beach and mountain walks?

natmour

Is there any nice rivers or anything? The best thing to do is something simple but romantic like a picnic or a nice walk. Just walk hand in hand and tell her you love her... that beats any movie

LilMissEmmylou

why not record a movie every week off the tv and then u can watch it together. perhaps make some home made snacks rather than buying pricey ones.

Do silly things together like make pizza from scratch - i always find that fun (perhaps im a bit lame lol) or make cookies and cakes!

do u have sat nav? http://www.geocaching.com/ i saved that site to my faves when somebody on here mentioned it - looks like great fun! like a treasure hunt in the real world

vixarooni

Go hunt down dog the bounty hunter! hes from that area isnt he

I think you need to chat with your wife, life is about having fun. Yea you gotta save up for things you want in life, some bigger than others but you might find that in the end you dont have a marriage to warrant having a house for if you get me.

I just think some communication and taking her somewhere that isnt going to cost the earth. Cheap and cheerful is best.

Hope you find a solution you both want!

Smashing

I thought it was a well known fact that any fun ends when a couple gets married.

Kalamaker

LoL No I'm not delusional in regards to our finances. We are fine. We had set a 5 year timeline from the day we got married to buy a house. We are close to 4 years into our marriage and well on our way. Granted, the economy in Hawaii sucks, I'm aware of that. But there needs to be some time set aside in every marriage, even if its for one night a month, to go out and have a little fun.

I've considered taping something on the tele, but I want to watch something new. Something that is just hitting theaters. We used to watch movies on opening night all the time.

As far as whether or not she knows what the extra income is for, I told her it was "fun" money, for us to go out and see a movie in the theater. I know I might seem stubborn with this, but its frustrating. I see a preview of a movie I want to see with my wife, and she refuses to go with me.

Somehow this will all work out I hope, but what happens when we actually buy the house and have a mortgage? I doubt anything will change at that point. I really appreciate all the advice thus far!