Finding it hard to cope day to day

broken_goods

I was with my ex for 7 years. We have a 2 year old child together.
After he was born we started to find it hard to keep the relationship working. We both let each other down. I didnt help her out when she needed it the most, which resulted in her cheating on me.

About 4 months ago we decided that it was time to give up and move on.

we stayed in the same house while things got sorted out..i stayed in another room.

She moved into her mothers house about a month ago. Im going to be giving her enough money to get her own place asap.

I have been able to see my son on my days off work. But its killing me. Im getting to see what im missing out on. Im a weekend dad. I want to be his everyday dad.

I have tried to talk to my ex. But she doesnt want to listen.

I tried to hold back and not tell her that im finding it hard to cope without them. Because i didnt want to sound weak..I wanted to be independant.

But im failing fast.

I dont know where to turn to.

I spend most of my time at home crying.

People say that time is a good healer.

But i need to do something now..At the moment im taking things 24 hours at a time..I started by wanting to end my life, but told myself i would do it in 24 hours, and then another 2 hours past.

I need to be there for my son..But it seems like she doesnt really want me to be there.

barnaby-bear

broken_goods wrote: »

But i need to do something now..At the moment im taking things 24 hours at a time..I started by wanting to end my life, but told myself i would do it in 24 hours, and then another 2 hours past.

I need to be there for my son..But it seems like she doesnt really want me to be there.

You can't control what your ex does but you can do everything possible to make the best possible life for your son. Can you rearrange your hours/days of work so you are his primary carer sometimes? You didn't make your partner cheat she chose to and maybe your behaviour was a factor but it's push and pul you may have pushed something but there was a ull elsewhere.
Plenty of kids have a great relationship with both parents even if they are not together. Given the sad stories you get on here with rubbish parents/partners - your kid sounds like he'll be fine and you will too.

Shineyhappy

Hi,

Have you and your ex tried Relate or talking to someone who is neutral to try and sort things out? They will be able to help you find a solution thats best for everyone.

I really hope you manage to find a way to sort things out for everyones sake and try and be honest with your ex as she will need to know where she stands.

Mips

Keep your chin up mate, being the best Daddy in the World to your little boy will win your girlfriend over better than anything.

When you find things hard, look at a pic of your little boy and know that you are everything in his little world.

Suggest counselling to her.. tell her you love her and are willing to do anything to stay together.. it doesn't hurt to be totally open.

raaaaa

Hi mate,

I went through a very similar situation almost a year ago, and just want to re-assure you that things will get better, I can promise you that.

I split up from my wife this time last year in similar circumstances. One thing that got me through the horrible days & nights was thinking about my little daughter, and every day since then, I've tried my best to make sure that I'm the best father I can be to her.

One thing you can't control is how raw it all feels to start, it's alot like grieving. Things can change quite alot over weeks and months, whereas thinking of the future now is almost impossible, if you get your head down and stay as sensible as possible, before you know it, weeks and months will have past and you will find yourself healing.

From a legal point of view (as I work in the legal field), if you want to make sure you maximise your chances of seeing your kid as much as possible, the one thing you have to make sure you do is to stay sensible and avoid doing anything stupid. In situations like this its almost impossible not to lose it in some way or other, but in the back of your mind always think of spending time with your kid as a huge incentive to make sure you avoid doing anything foolish. It's so easy to do something daft in the heat of the moment but you'll then find that it may be used against you in the future to stop you seeing your kid - and believe me, people will use any kind of ammunition they can get their hands on in these situations.

One last bit of practical advice would be to speak to a solicitor, and most of the family ones will give you a free interview to start off just to advise you of your rights regarding your kid etc, but they should also give you re-assurance. You may even get Legal Aid - check out https://www.clsdirect.org.uk (this is a govt. website that will give you details of your nearest solicitor and also a phone number to get free advice over the phone).

If you need any more help/advice, please let me know.

floss2

Maybe you could write down your feelings and give her the letter to read when you have been with your son.

Alos, maybe think about talking to your GP - yes time is a great healer, but occasionally when your thoughts are very low, a little bit of extra help can be needed, even if it's just a referral for counselling or some short term medication.