Student daughter & boyfriend whats fair to ask in housekeeping?
snowball2
Posts: 204 Forumite
Me & DH have discussed it and think we should speak to them soon about making a contribution but im not sure how to approach it and what would seem fair/ground rules.
My daughters boyfriend spends at least 75% of his time at our home, eating, showering ect (no laundry he still takes it back to his parents). He had just finished college but now has a job with an income of around £1200 a month.
Also keeping in mind that my daughter will be finishing her A levels in July, and starting Uni in September (but living at home) and we will receive a drop in CTC and CB combined of around £300 a month, we still have 3 other children living at home so we will find it very difficult to manage financially with just the 3 school aged children never mind two extra adults in the house.
My daughter has started a part time job which will pay around £300 a month which she will continue and she will get a a student grant/loan of around £6000 a year according to the online calculator.
I hope this makes sense, thanks
My daughters boyfriend spends at least 75% of his time at our home, eating, showering ect (no laundry he still takes it back to his parents). He had just finished college but now has a job with an income of around £1200 a month.
Also keeping in mind that my daughter will be finishing her A levels in July, and starting Uni in September (but living at home) and we will receive a drop in CTC and CB combined of around £300 a month, we still have 3 other children living at home so we will find it very difficult to manage financially with just the 3 school aged children never mind two extra adults in the house.
My daughter has started a part time job which will pay around £300 a month which she will continue and she will get a a student grant/loan of around £6000 a year according to the online calculator.
I hope this makes sense, thanks
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Comments
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My personal feeling is that you should be talking to your daughter about her relationship with her boyfriend. I am presuming he sleeps over? As such he is, in effect, a visitor that you allow to stay so really it is not a question of how much he should be contributing.
I am also presuming that he is contributing to his own parents as he still resides there.
Really you have made a rod for your own back if you have allowed this to reach this stage without putting down some 'rules'.
He is either a visitor or he is living there. So which is he? That is the question you have to ask your daughter.
You seem to be treating them as a couple that live in your house. Is this how you and they see it.
Once you have established whether visitor or couple then you an move forward.
I suspect your daughter sees him as a visitor and will be horrified if you discuss charging him. Even as a regular visitor he should be offering to take you for a meal etc etc. Trouble is young people seem to think that an extra mouth to feed and extra electricity is a mere trifle. Good luck with this one.
And by the by, if your daughter is going to university then the relationship may well change as she will meet so many new people and experiences.
Of course this may be true love that defies the odds which is the reason she has made the decision not to move away to university.0 -
The job is new and he doesn't contribute at home as of yet, but they barley see him other than to do his laundry at the moment. In fact I know his mum would like to see him more often.
We are thinking basically to say to them re bf are you going to live here or not, if not then the amount of time spent here/facilities used need to be scaled right back, showers, breakfasts and dinners. He plays football for two teams so sometimes its 2 showers a day as well as a very healthy appetite.
I was thinking £30 a week.0 -
£30 a week for your daughter, or for the boyfriend?We are thinking basically to say to them re bf are you going to live here or not, if not then the amount of time spent here/facilities used need to be scaled right back, showers, breakfasts and dinners. He plays football for two teams so sometimes its 2 showers a day as well as a very healthy appetite.
I was thinking £30 a week.
I think that would be a reasonable amount to charge your daughter.
As for the boyfriend, could you have a policy that every time he showers at your house he has to put 50p in a pot? And maybe suggest that if he's eating meals at your house, he can start providing the bread/milk/cereal for everyone to use.0 -
The job is new and he doesn't contribute at home as of yet, but they barley see him other than to do his laundry at the moment. In fact I know his mum would like to see him more often.
We are thinking basically to say to them re bf are you going to live here or not, if not then the amount of time spent here/facilities used need to be scaled right back, showers, breakfasts and dinners. He plays football for two teams so sometimes its 2 showers a day as well as a very healthy appetite.
I was thinking £30 a week.
I think youve been very patient and i think £30 a week is reasonable. Whilst you can support your daughter i dont see why you should pay for her boyfriend as well. The odd shower yes, the odd meal here and there, great but this is looking more like a permanent thing without either of them thinking of how its affecting you financially.
Kids.... give an inch and they take a mile.:(0 -
The student maintenance loan is for expenses, for living. So she should either be putting that towards rent, or not taking it. £30 a week is way too little if she is getting a student loan. Triple it at a minimum.0
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I'm thinking £30 a week if he wants to live here, then £30 a week for her once she leaves 6th form in the summer, I feel that sounds fair.0
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I wouldn't charge him 30 of he earns 1200 and the same when she doesn't earn that.Forty and fabulous, well that's what my cards say....0
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The student maintenance loan is for expenses, for living. So she should either be putting that towards rent, or not taking it. £30 a week is way too little if she is getting a student loan. Triple it at a minimum.
Why wouldn't she take it? It doesn't matter what is used for surely?Forty and fabulous, well that's what my cards say....0 -
As it's almost a year until you stop receiving benefits for your daughter, I wouldn't be charging her any housekeeping. I would be encouraging her to save some of her wage from her part time job and meet her own expenses for clothing, toiletries etc from it - good budgeting lessons for the future.
The problem is boyfriend getting a free ride at your house. Are you happy with him spending so much time at yours? If not, you need to deal with this as a separate issue to the expenses. If you are then I think a frank discussion with both of the young people is in order. I'd be inclined to suggest ways in which he can pay 'in kind', eg buying a takeaway for the family occasionally, or whatever fits in with your family life, unless of course he is living full time at yours when I would ask for board.0
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