Your browser isn't supported
It looks like you're using an old web browser. To get the most out of the site and to ensure guides display correctly, we suggest upgrading your browser now. Download the latest:

Welcome to the MSE Forums

We're home to a fantastic community of MoneySavers but anyone can post. Please exercise caution & report spam, illegal, offensive or libellous posts/messages: click "report" or email forumteam@.

Search
  • FIRST POST
    • snowball2
    • By snowball2 13th Oct 16, 3:42 PM
    • 192Posts
    • 120Thanks
    snowball2
    Student daughter & boyfriend whats fair to ask in housekeeping?
    • #1
    • 13th Oct 16, 3:42 PM
    Student daughter & boyfriend whats fair to ask in housekeeping? 13th Oct 16 at 3:42 PM
    Me & DH have discussed it and think we should speak to them soon about making a contribution but im not sure how to approach it and what would seem fair/ground rules.

    My daughters boyfriend spends at least 75% of his time at our home, eating, showering ect (no laundry he still takes it back to his parents). He had just finished college but now has a job with an income of around £1200 a month.

    Also keeping in mind that my daughter will be finishing her A levels in July, and starting Uni in September (but living at home) and we will receive a drop in CTC and CB combined of around £300 a month, we still have 3 other children living at home so we will find it very difficult to manage financially with just the 3 school aged children never mind two extra adults in the house.

    My daughter has started a part time job which will pay around £300 a month which she will continue and she will get a a student grant/loan of around £6000 a year according to the online calculator.

    I hope this makes sense, thanks
    Trying to do it the OS way

    Gave up smoking 1 April 2006
Page 1
    • pmlindyloo
    • By pmlindyloo 13th Oct 16, 4:01 PM
    • 9,955 Posts
    • 11,720 Thanks
    pmlindyloo
    • #2
    • 13th Oct 16, 4:01 PM
    • #2
    • 13th Oct 16, 4:01 PM
    My personal feeling is that you should be talking to your daughter about her relationship with her boyfriend. I am presuming he sleeps over? As such he is, in effect, a visitor that you allow to stay so really it is not a question of how much he should be contributing.

    I am also presuming that he is contributing to his own parents as he still resides there.

    Really you have made a rod for your own back if you have allowed this to reach this stage without putting down some 'rules'.

    He is either a visitor or he is living there. So which is he? That is the question you have to ask your daughter.

    You seem to be treating them as a couple that live in your house. Is this how you and they see it.

    Once you have established whether visitor or couple then you an move forward.

    I suspect your daughter sees him as a visitor and will be horrified if you discuss charging him. Even as a regular visitor he should be offering to take you for a meal etc etc. Trouble is young people seem to think that an extra mouth to feed and extra electricity is a mere trifle. Good luck with this one.

    And by the by, if your daughter is going to university then the relationship may well change as she will meet so many new people and experiences.

    Of course this may be true love that defies the odds which is the reason she has made the decision not to move away to university.
    • snowball2
    • By snowball2 13th Oct 16, 4:28 PM
    • 192 Posts
    • 120 Thanks
    snowball2
    • #3
    • 13th Oct 16, 4:28 PM
    • #3
    • 13th Oct 16, 4:28 PM
    The job is new and he doesn't contribute at home as of yet, but they barley see him other than to do his laundry at the moment. In fact I know his mum would like to see him more often.

    We are thinking basically to say to them re bf are you going to live here or not, if not then the amount of time spent here/facilities used need to be scaled right back, showers, breakfasts and dinners. He plays football for two teams so sometimes its 2 showers a day as well as a very healthy appetite.

    I was thinking £30 a week.
    Trying to do it the OS way

    Gave up smoking 1 April 2006
    • fairy lights
    • By fairy lights 13th Oct 16, 4:34 PM
    • 6,423 Posts
    • 20,457 Thanks
    fairy lights
    • #4
    • 13th Oct 16, 4:34 PM
    • #4
    • 13th Oct 16, 4:34 PM
    We are thinking basically to say to them re bf are you going to live here or not, if not then the amount of time spent here/facilities used need to be scaled right back, showers, breakfasts and dinners. He plays football for two teams so sometimes its 2 showers a day as well as a very healthy appetite.

    I was thinking £30 a week.
    Originally posted by snowball2
    £30 a week for your daughter, or for the boyfriend?
    I think that would be a reasonable amount to charge your daughter.
    As for the boyfriend, could you have a policy that every time he showers at your house he has to put 50p in a pot? And maybe suggest that if he's eating meals at your house, he can start providing the bread/milk/cereal for everyone to use.
    • Judi
    • By Judi 13th Oct 16, 4:39 PM
    • 13,721 Posts
    • 53,422 Thanks
    Judi
    • #5
    • 13th Oct 16, 4:39 PM
    • #5
    • 13th Oct 16, 4:39 PM
    The job is new and he doesn't contribute at home as of yet, but they barley see him other than to do his laundry at the moment. In fact I know his mum would like to see him more often.

    We are thinking basically to say to them re bf are you going to live here or not, if not then the amount of time spent here/facilities used need to be scaled right back, showers, breakfasts and dinners. He plays football for two teams so sometimes its 2 showers a day as well as a very healthy appetite.

    I was thinking £30 a week.
    Originally posted by snowball2
    I think youve been very patient and i think £30 a week is reasonable. Whilst you can support your daughter i dont see why you should pay for her boyfriend as well. The odd shower yes, the odd meal here and there, great but this is looking more like a permanent thing without either of them thinking of how its affecting you financially.

    Kids.... give an inch and they take a mile.
    'Holy crap on a cracker!'
    • Lokolo
    • By Lokolo 13th Oct 16, 4:44 PM
    • 19,561 Posts
    • 14,508 Thanks
    Lokolo
    • #6
    • 13th Oct 16, 4:44 PM
    • #6
    • 13th Oct 16, 4:44 PM
    The student maintenance loan is for expenses, for living. So she should either be putting that towards rent, or not taking it. £30 a week is way too little if she is getting a student loan. Triple it at a minimum.
    • snowball2
    • By snowball2 13th Oct 16, 4:47 PM
    • 192 Posts
    • 120 Thanks
    snowball2
    • #7
    • 13th Oct 16, 4:47 PM
    • #7
    • 13th Oct 16, 4:47 PM
    I'm thinking £30 a week if he wants to live here, then £30 a week for her once she leaves 6th form in the summer, I feel that sounds fair.
    Trying to do it the OS way

    Gave up smoking 1 April 2006
    • GwylimT
    • By GwylimT 13th Oct 16, 5:35 PM
    • 5,435 Posts
    • 10,121 Thanks
    GwylimT
    • #8
    • 13th Oct 16, 5:35 PM
    • #8
    • 13th Oct 16, 5:35 PM
    The student maintenance loan is for expenses, for living. So she should either be putting that towards rent, or not taking it. £30 a week is way too little if she is getting a student loan. Triple it at a minimum.
    Originally posted by Lokolo
    Those living at home get a much smaller loan.
    • 74jax
    • By 74jax 13th Oct 16, 8:29 PM
    • 4,407 Posts
    • 5,908 Thanks
    74jax
    • #9
    • 13th Oct 16, 8:29 PM
    • #9
    • 13th Oct 16, 8:29 PM
    I wouldn't charge him 30 of he earns 1200 and the same when she doesn't earn that.
    Forty and fabulous, well that's what my cards say....
    • 74jax
    • By 74jax 13th Oct 16, 8:30 PM
    • 4,407 Posts
    • 5,908 Thanks
    74jax
    The student maintenance loan is for expenses, for living. So she should either be putting that towards rent, or not taking it. £30 a week is way too little if she is getting a student loan. Triple it at a minimum.
    Originally posted by Lokolo
    Why wouldn't she take it? It doesn't matter what is used for surely?
    Forty and fabulous, well that's what my cards say....
    • esmy
    • By esmy 13th Oct 16, 10:42 PM
    • 628 Posts
    • 1,293 Thanks
    esmy
    As it's almost a year until you stop receiving benefits for your daughter, I wouldn't be charging her any housekeeping. I would be encouraging her to save some of her wage from her part time job and meet her own expenses for clothing, toiletries etc from it - good budgeting lessons for the future.

    The problem is boyfriend getting a free ride at your house. Are you happy with him spending so much time at yours? If not, you need to deal with this as a separate issue to the expenses. If you are then I think a frank discussion with both of the young people is in order. I'd be inclined to suggest ways in which he can pay 'in kind', eg buying a takeaway for the family occasionally, or whatever fits in with your family life, unless of course he is living full time at yours when I would ask for board.
    • Spendless
    • By Spendless 14th Oct 16, 7:14 AM
    • 18,974 Posts
    • 30,476 Thanks
    Spendless
    The student maintenance loan is for expenses, for living. So she should either be putting that towards rent, or not taking it. £30 a week is way too little if she is getting a student loan. Triple it at a minimum.
    Originally posted by Lokolo
    She's in Sixth form currently and will sit A levels next summer. She's not in receipt of a student loan. Her parents might be in receipt of child related benefits for her (depending on their household income)
    • Jackieboy
    • By Jackieboy 14th Oct 16, 7:44 AM
    • 251 Posts
    • 396 Thanks
    Jackieboy
    Why wouldn't she take it? It doesn't matter what is used for surely?
    Originally posted by 74jax
    It's not a terribly good idea to borrow money just so you can have more to spend on entertainment.
    • Judi
    • By Judi 14th Oct 16, 8:33 AM
    • 13,721 Posts
    • 53,422 Thanks
    Judi
    The student maintenance loan is for expenses, for living. So she should either be putting that towards rent, or not taking it. £30 a week is way too little if she is getting a student loan. Triple it at a minimum.
    Originally posted by Lokolo
    Blimey...would you really triple it knowing it was loaned money?

    Glad your not my Mother....
    'Holy crap on a cracker!'
    • silvercar
    • By silvercar 14th Oct 16, 8:45 AM
    • 34,040 Posts
    • 142,278 Thanks
    silvercar
    She's in Sixth form currently and will sit A levels next summer. She's not in receipt of a student loan. Her parents might be in receipt of child related benefits for her (depending on their household income)
    Originally posted by Spendless
    Do parents really charge their kids rent when they are in sixth form? Only 4 years since my youngest finished 6th form, but I didn't know any parent who did.
    • Judi
    • By Judi 14th Oct 16, 9:09 AM
    • 13,721 Posts
    • 53,422 Thanks
    Judi
    Do parents really charge their kids rent when they are in sixth form? Only 4 years since my youngest finished 6th form, but I didn't know any parent who did.
    Originally posted by silvercar
    No nor me. Ours paid board when they were settled in full time employment. We 'carried' them in between.
    'Holy crap on a cracker!'
    • ThomasMJacobs
    • By ThomasMJacobs 14th Oct 16, 11:33 AM
    • 16 Posts
    • 7 Thanks
    ThomasMJacobs
    Discuss with your daughter so that she can convey it to him rather than you doing it.
    • Lokolo
    • By Lokolo 14th Oct 16, 11:59 AM
    • 19,561 Posts
    • 14,508 Thanks
    Lokolo
    Those living at home get a much smaller loan.
    Originally posted by GwylimT
    It says in the OP how much the DD will be getting - around £6k, although that figure seems way too high imo.

    Blimey...would you really triple it knowing it was loaned money?

    Glad your not my Mother....
    Originally posted by Judi
    Yes, it doesn't make it worthwhile taking the loan if you aren't planning on using it for your living expenses, as thats what it's there for. You'd honestly just let your DS or DD take out a £5k maintenance loan then splash it out?

    I am also glad I am not your mother, the operation would be painful.

    She's in Sixth form currently and will sit A levels next summer. She's not in receipt of a student loan. Her parents might be in receipt of child related benefits for her (depending on their household income)
    Originally posted by Spendless
    My post was quite clear that it was about when she goes to university and is planning on living at home. Should be pretty clear given the OP mentions about her going to uni, receiving student loan and at this point is where the parents stop getting CB.


    ---

    There is a difference between now, when shes in Year 13, and when she goes to university. I agree with others in that you shouldn't charge her whilst she is doing A Levels and you have CB.

    However, when this stops and she attends university, receiving maintenance loan and grant (you may want to re-check the calculator) she should either be saving it (do not recommend in the current rules), use it for maintenance (living, bills etc. like any other adult) or not take it. £30 to live at home whilst in receipt of student loans is a mickey take.
    • Judi
    • By Judi 14th Oct 16, 12:46 PM
    • 13,721 Posts
    • 53,422 Thanks
    Judi
    I am also glad I am not your mother, the operation would be painful.
    On both sides i can assure you.
    'Holy crap on a cracker!'
    • fairy lights
    • By fairy lights 14th Oct 16, 1:37 PM
    • 6,423 Posts
    • 20,457 Thanks
    fairy lights
    You'd honestly just let your DS or DD take out a £5k maintenance loan then splash it out?
    Originally posted by Lokolo
    I really don't see the problem with that, it's a loan she's entitled to so why shouldn't she take it? I'm not being snarky - I genuinely don't understand why it would be a problem?


    Edit: we can't assumer the daughter will 'splash it out', we have no idea what she will use the money for.
    Last edited by fairy lights; 14-10-2016 at 1:45 PM.
Welcome to our new Forum!

Our aim is to save you money quickly and easily. We hope you like it!

Forum Team Contact us

Live Stats

2,214Posts Today

5,643Users online

Martin's Twitter