Why do people not care about things until it affects them?

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fierystormcloud
fierystormcloud Posts: 1,588 Forumite
in Marriage, relationships & families
Sorta like the NIMBY brigade! :cool:

EG, my work colleague (mid 40s) has just discovered that her grandson (6) is autistic. (Diagnosed recently.) They have had quite a few problems with him; bad, disruptive behaviour etc.

After spending her whole life not giving a stuff about autism and the affect it has on children and their families, she is suddenly rampant about autism rights, and she has got her grandson a t-shirt, saying 'I am not naughty, I am autistic.'

In addition, she keeps asking for money for 'autism' charities and things they're doing for autism. She actually gets quite snarky when people refuse, and says 'I hope none of YOUR grandkids never get autism!' with a nasty spiteful tone and her eyes glaring.

Also, one of my husband's friends has a wife who has recently been diagnosed with M.E.

Cue 2 out 3 posts on facebook being about M.E. and M.E. awareness, and if you are a good person, and you care about people with M.E. you will repost this.

There are a number of other examples.

So why do people not give a rats chuff until something affects THEM? :cool:
cooeeeeeeeee :j :wave:
«13

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  • LilElvis
    LilElvis Posts: 5,835 Forumite
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    Probably because most people don't have any understanding of complex issues such as specific illnesses until they are forced, through personal circumstance, to gain knowledge of the subject.

    Perhaps you will be a little more understanding if such a condition affects someone you care about.
  • PeacefulWaters
    PeacefulWaters Posts: 8,495 Forumite
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    Because they don't understand it.

    I didn't understand post traumatic stress disorder. Until somebody pointed a gun at me. I'd previously thought it was made up.

    I didn't understand gay, until my daughter came out. Didn't have a problem with gay prior to that, just didn't "get" it.

    I didn't get those who were skint. Until I was skint.

    Sometimes life experience improves people.
  • Rachel83
    Rachel83 Posts: 335 Forumite
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    Same reason people choose certain charitys over others. I have 3 that I will give to, the others I chose not to as they are personal to me.

    Things like ME and Autism people often don't know much about until someone they know has it.
  • fierystormcloud
    fierystormcloud Posts: 1,588 Forumite
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    I get the comments above. It just grates on me that some people are so rampant about it, and ram it down everyone's throats, and act all huffy if you don't share their new found cause.
    cooeeeeeeeee :j :wave:
  • LilElvis
    LilElvis Posts: 5,835 Forumite
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    fierystormcloud wrote: »
    I get the comments above. It just grates on me that some people are so rampant about it, and ram it down everyone's throats, and act all huffy if you don't share their new found cause.

    People in general, whose views differ from yours, appear to grate on you.
  • POPPYOSCAR
    POPPYOSCAR Posts: 14,897 Forumite
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    I understand what you mean.


    Its is a shame that some people do not seem to be able to empathise until in the situation themselves.
  • Georgiegirl256
    Georgiegirl256 Posts: 7,005 Forumite
    edited 13 June 2015 at 8:52PM
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    LilElvis wrote: »
    Probably because most people don't have any understanding of complex issues such as specific illnesses until they are forced, through personal circumstance, to gain knowledge of the subject.

    Spot on.

    Before my Mam had her heart attacks, I didn't understand anything about the invaluable work that the BHF do. Without their research and development of new drugs and new techniques, a lot of people would be a lot worse off. :(

    I joined the BHF and got their magazine through the post, which was very educational and helped answer a lot of questions and gave excellent advice on various subjects such as exercise and healthy recipes, plus lots more.

    My uncle and I did a sponsored 20 mile walk for them and raised over £500. I became a volunteer in my local shop. Both things were just small things that I could do as my way of giving back to a charity that with their research and new techniques helped people like my Mam and her brothers.

    I think until something personally affects you, there's not always a need to show an interest in a certain subject or charity, you just don't really think about it, it doesn't occur to you. So of course if something affects you or a relative personally you are more than likely going to take an interest in it.

    In August I'll be doing a colour run for Hospice At Home who looked after my Dad. They were a charity I'd never encountered before, but now they have (unfortunately :( ) touched our lives, we want to be able to give something back, as they were absolute angels. :A

    Maybe you should follow your work colleagues example OP. I don't agree with constantly badgering people for money, but I do admire her passion and her willingness to learn about a condition that affects someone she loves. She sounds like a wonderful gran! :)
  • mum2one
    mum2one Posts: 16,279 Forumite
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    fierystormcloud wrote: »
    I get the comments above. It just grates on me that some people are so rampant about it, and ram it down everyone's throats, and act all huffy if you don't share their new found cause.

    sometimes its that persons way of coping with the situation

    It isnt until something hits you as a person / family that you become aware of the situ - for us in the last 12 mths as a family, we've encountered bowel cancer, macmillian, marie curie, our local hospice.
    xx rip dad... we had our ups and downs but we’re always be family xx
  • fabforty
    fabforty Posts: 809 Forumite
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    They probably feel quite scared and helpless, and this is their way of coping. Finding out your grandchild is autistic or wife has ME - are both pretty hard things to deal with. There are a million and one other hard things that people have to deal with every day - not thinking about these things until they affect you (either directly or indirectly) is perfectly normal.
  • j.e.j.
    j.e.j. Posts: 9,672 Forumite
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    fierystormcloud wrote: »
    Sorta like the NIMBY brigade! :cool:

    EG, my work colleague (mid 40s) has just discovered that her grandson (6) is autistic. (Diagnosed recently.) They have had quite a few problems with him; bad, disruptive behaviour etc.

    After spending her whole life not giving a stuff about autism and the affect it has on children and their families, she is suddenly rampant about autism rights, and she has got her grandson a t-shirt, saying 'I am not naughty, I am autistic.'

    In addition, she keeps asking for money for 'autism' charities and things they're doing for autism. She actually gets quite snarky when people refuse, and says 'I hope none of YOUR grandkids never get autism!' with a nasty spiteful tone and her eyes glaring.

    Also, one of my husband's friends has a wife who has recently been diagnosed with M.E.

    Cue 2 out 3 posts on facebook being about M.E. and M.E. awareness, and if you are a good person, and you care about people with M.E. you will repost this.

    There are a number of other examples.

    So why do people not give a rats chuff until something affects THEM? :cool:

    Sounds like very childish, immature behaviour from both of them tbh.

    I knew a girl with Cystic Fibrosis yet she never went around giving it "poor me" or playing the disabled card. A friend of a friend has Cerebral Palsy, - ditto. She never goes round guilt-tripping people, and nor do her parents.


    Most people who are diagnosed with an illness (or know someone who is) do not go round piling emotional blackmail onto others.
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