Struggling to manage my time, I need some practical advice

YORKSHIRELASS · 18 May 2014 at 9:31AM

Hi

I am feeling a bit overwhelmed at the moment and have this niggling feeling that I could be managing my life and my time a lot better.

I work 30 hours a week in two part time jobs (both quite demanding) and I also have a teenage son with serious health problems so he needs my time and attention. I find myself doing 90% of the housework as well as managing the finances. My youngest plays quite a bit of sport and needs ferrying about (we live in the middle of nowhere). All of this leaves me with no time for myself and I seem to spend half of my life in a state of panic about the amount of things that need to be done.

My OH works full time. The housework is a bit of an issue because he thinks I worry about it too much. He thinks pots should be left on the draining board to dry and then just used again. And why bother making the bed when you only mess it up again at bed time?
This causes friction between us because I feel stressed and unhappy if the house is a mess and he thinks its not a priority.

I sometimes feel a bit pathetic because other people work far more hours than me or have much more challenging lives and seem to manage.

So, any advice? Practical tips? Suggestions for managing my time a bit better? Or suggestions for getting OH and the kids to do a bit more without just constantly arguing about it?

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balletshoes · 18 May 2014 at 9:48AM

if its the housework thats the main issue, can you afford a cleaner from the joint household income?

mountainofdebt · 18 May 2014 at 9:52AM

You haven't said how old your son is or what his issues are (and I'm certainly not going to pry) but is he capable to take more responsibility for his own care? I don't mean to offend if this isn't the case but is it a case that you feel that you have to/should be looking after him rather than needs to?

I have to say that I'm not a dolly homemaker -ever have been and probably never will be so a little mess doesn't bother me.

I must admit I would find 2 jobs more tiring than one for the same number of hours - you have to factor in the travelling time as well.

I also found slow cooking and batch cooking a great time saver - yeserday I cooked up a load of curries & chillis to eat; it may have taken me a few hours yesterday but I know it will save me loads of time in the weeks ahead.

Brighton_belle · 18 May 2014 at 10:29AM

You do have a lot on and two part jobs can be as busy as one full time IMO.
A v small point but it takes 20 seconds to make our bed: i 've do it before i've even put my dressing gown on. Grab duvet straighten it, then quick fold down to air the bed, plump pillows. 10 seconds to unfold duvet later in the day if I want to, if I happen to go in bedroom. Why is this particular job a problem?

PasturesNew · 18 May 2014 at 10:32AM

YORKSHIRELASS wrote: »

He thinks pots should be left on the draining board to dry and then just used again. And why bother making the bed when you only mess it up again at bed time?
This causes friction between us because I feel stressed and unhappy if the house is a mess and he thinks its not a priority.

I never wipe/put away dishes .... and I don't make beds, I fold the duvet down over itself so it hangs off the end of the bed in the day, then when I get onto the bed at night, I reach down and pull it over me and go to sleep.

I also don't do any ironing .... most things don't need ironing and/or they can be ironed when needed (if ironed they'd have got creased by then anyway) .... and I try to buy/wear clothes that don't need it. I'd never iron sheets/duvets, or towels, jeans, socks/undies.

..... and I live alone.

Some stuff can just be left ... there's a difference between dirt and a little untidyness.

whiteguineapig · 18 May 2014 at 10:47AM

i have found it so much easier since i de cluttered
it has taken quite a while and i'm still not at the end but i like my home better with less in it
i struggle with stuff thats "not done"
i found it went round in my head till all the stuff i needed to do was a bit overwhelming
i have slowly but surely got rid of about half our possesions i think now
the house feels lighter (i'm not sure how to describe it really but its just a lot easier to keep it tidier)
i have re cycled, ebayed, given away, taken to charity shops, burnt and tipped
it feels easier now
hth

FatVonD · 18 May 2014 at 10:52AM

It sounds like you have a lot on your plate, could you afford to give up one or other of the jobs?

I wouldn't be worrying about the beds or the pots but maybe you stressing about them is the symptom (of an overload of other responsibilities) rather than the cause.

hollydays · 18 May 2014 at 10:54AM

Sounds like you are doing a great job. Reward yourself.

You know you are doing a great job. It's the worrying and comparing yourself to others you would benefit from tackling.no one has a perfect life. You need to talk to your family about how it makes you feel.

You have to prioritise. Are you superwoman, can you do everything?

esmy · 18 May 2014 at 11:03AM

I was where you are some years ago. I decided that if I couldn't make time I would buy it. So...paid for someone to iron (a job I hated), food shopping done online, sorted lift shares for the kids activities, kids had school dinners and not pack ups and best of all,dropped a day at work. The financial loss wasn't massive when I'd considered travel costs, buying lunch etc

If your children are old enough make their rooms their responsibility. I changed bedding (because it would have walked off on it's own otherwise) and opened windows but would only hoover if floors were clear. Just close the doors.

The differing standards is a harder one to tackle. I admit I'm more inclined towards your husbands view of housework. Does he do anything at all?

Mrs_Soup · 18 May 2014 at 11:24AM

I am also of the munimal approach to housework. Are there things that your OH thinks ARE important to be done (eg meals, putting bins out etc) if so could he not be made responsible for some of those tasks freeing you up a bit to do things you feel are important. Can he help with ferrying the sporty one about if any of it is in the evenings?

liuhutOz · 18 May 2014 at 11:50AM

Delegation, elimination and just turning a blind eye... I try to get the kids involved, it amazing how much can get done in 10 mins when everyone does a bit. Some days I get up at 6pm, put on catch up TV on the IPad and get my ironing done. I did have a cleaner for a time and also use home shopping, I do the order while dinner is cooing. Slow cookers are also great but I find that the food cooked in them is best suited for winter. It's hard, your working a lot of hours and have a lot on, I think you should give yourself a break.. Easier said than done because we are our eon worst enemies!

Struggling to manage my time, I need some practical advice

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