When you're aspiring to be a MSE how do you deal with others?

ilovelondontown · 8 August 2013 at 10:49AM

My husband is a spender not saver, my friends don't see anything wrong with having debt and using a credit card for every day spending. I'm constantly being tempted by invitations to do things that are definately not very money saving.

I try and encourage my friends and loved ones to see my new found understanding and relationship with money but of course nobody likes to be told what to do by a seaming know-it-all and I think my constant how to be a saver attitude is stating to annoy them.

I don't want to fall out with my DH and I don't want to lose my friends because they no longer invite me out. There are only so many times I can say I'll cook and we'll get a bottle of wine before someone says they want to go to a bar and there are only so many times I can yellow label shop for food before my husband says I want a take away!

Sometimes being the sensible one suck! :mad:

[FONT=&quot][threadbanner]box[/threadbanner][/FONT]

chevalier · 8 August 2013 at 12:21PM

Does you OH and friends know the reason for your frugalness? If not then they will think maybe you are just going through a phase or something. But if you explain why that might help?

allybee101 · 8 August 2013 at 12:59PM

Rather than trying to make them see the error of their own spendy ways (they'll have to have their own lightbulb moment), perhaps just be honest and say you're cutting back a bit to pay off a loan so you've not got much spare cash at the moment.
Can you suggest some activties to your friends that are low cost? I.e. bike ride and a picnic or similar?
Keep going, you'll get there!

OverRated · 8 August 2013 at 1:03PM

Have you set out a budget that shows income/outgoings and then use this to help show your OH?

ellerose · 8 August 2013 at 1:05PM

Interesting post - I'm always the one in my group of my friends to ask how much an activity will cost or to ask to do something less pricey!! Sometimes I feel like a 'nag' but they know I want to be debt free so am keeping a close eye on my pennies. Up to them if they're not bothered about looking after theirs!

Brian8888 · 8 August 2013 at 1:06PM

Try to make a game out of it for your husband. Take an asset you like to buy (maybe flat to rent out) and then show a way ow by saving you can get to the downpayment. Put a paper on the fridge where you can see the seperate bank account on which every pound saved goes. Maybe that creates some motivation.

bargainbetty · 8 August 2013 at 1:24PM

How about asking your friends to meet you halfway - have dinner and a bottle at home one day and go out for a drink another night. Be polite, explain that you are trying to save up for something/clear a debt and you'll stick to your own rounds, rather than get into something expensive. Approach a couple of them privately, and be honest. Honestly, they have a right to go out and waste their own money, but perhaps a quiet word might help them see that not everyone wants to be that way.

How about doing a 'Come Dine with Me' competition, on a budget, with a few of them over a few weeks (one dinner a week) and the winner gets a bottle of champagne or something? Make it more fun.

As for your OH, if you are trying to bring down a joint debt, or make joint savings, you might want to consider a separation of your household budget (including a bit for a takeaway), your money and his money. He can do what he wants with his. You can do what you want with yours. No one touches the household pot on pain of death. He will learn to budget when he comes to you asking for a bit more two weeks into the month....

Good luck, I know it's difficult. I had to say to people that I was sorry, but I couldn't afford the silly stuff anymore. Several came to me quietly and said they were in the same boat, and were rather glad!

owen_money · 8 August 2013 at 1:45PM

I don't have any friends so therefore don't suffer from this type of problem

Prothet_of_Doom · 8 August 2013 at 2:00PM

They need to understand your motivation.
Be honest, tell them like it is. At some point soon I need to say to my wife, "We have enough to live on, but you need to agree some spending boundaries".

And you need to be consistent.

You can't tell your friends that you are skint and then go and see Boys Own 4 times, in Dublin, Paris, Manchester and Leeds.
You can't tell your sister that you have no money to go out for a drink, and can she pay, and then fly off to the USA for a 4 week holiday when you know she is borrowing a tent and going to Wales. Or she would but the car is playing up and she won't be able to afford the petrol.

Prothet_of_Doom · 8 August 2013 at 2:03PM

My wife solved my spending issues, by telling me, that we could only afford to spend £50 a week on food, and then making me obtain a weeks food for £50. Us blokes, we like to be given a problem and be told it's our job to solve it.

LeaLea89 · 8 August 2013 at 5:21PM

I had the same problem, i have been fighting the debt bubble for a couple of years and my friends (one especially) thought it was fine to spend all her money leaving everything else to go on the CC.

My advice would be to have a quiet word, if they are your true friends they will help and they will listen and take note. Like some of the above posters have said doing a come dine with me evening is very fun! i actually like the idea of the champagne or the wine myself!!

The friend i mentioned above is now on my wavelength and on her way to been debt free for Christmas 2013.

Good Luck, don't let them make you lose your way with your MSE ways

When you're aspiring to be a MSE how do you deal with others?

Comments

Categories

Get our FREE Weekly email full of deals & guides - and it’s spam-free