Advice please! Husband is a debt magnet!

BASHFUL_2 · 23 January 2013 at 3:25PM

Hi all! Havent posted on here for a long long time! Im hoping someone that has been in this situation can offer some advice! Please don't comment with a "get a divorce" as that isn't an option :-)

My husband seems incapable of not racking up debts! When I met him 7 years ago I was unaware of his financial difficulties! It became apparent when we started receiving debt letters that e was in financial trouble. I took it upon myself to try and sort it all out. All his old debts have bow either been paid off or we are paying a very small amount of each one back.

However, a while back he somehow managed to get a credit card and soon had racked up another couple of thousand pound on it! He managed to get yet another credit card somehow to transfer some of the balance but now has 2 credit cards that are maxed out at the same time as borrowing a thousand pound from his mum!

I'm really after some advise as to how I can tackle this problem. I now have his credit cards but Im sure he will get them back when its all sorted out, but just feel like there is nothing I can do to protect us from all this. I am able to stop any spending from myself but cant physically stop him from spending money. I was thinking of getting a loan to pay off his high interest credit card with this 0% loan mentioned in the weekly email.

Any advise or guidance gratefully received. Also does anyone know if I am liable for his debts if something should happen to him?

Many thanks

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RAS · 23 January 2013 at 3:39PM

Do not under any circumstances take out a loan in your name to pay off his debt.

Are you linked financially - mortgage etc?

The problem is that he was in debt so your sorted it so he can just get into more debt without thinking about it.

The answer is to cut off financial ties and make him sort out his mess.

In the mean-time check that he is not taking drink, drugs or gambling as all these are frequent sources of debt.

carslet · 23 January 2013 at 3:43PM

I feel sorry for you I had a relationship with someone that would not stop spending.

How much is the debt if it is only a few thousand then i am sure you can work it out easy enough.

if it is 10's of thousands
I think you need to sit him down and seriously talk about it, and let him know how badly (if at all) it effecting you. and hopefully he will stop stupid spending.

Or you need to take control of bank accounts.

i know it not for you but i would threaten with divorce

unoriginal_uk · 23 January 2013 at 3:48PM

I had to laugh reading your last question in the context of your whole post - I am pretty sure if something happened to him (assuming it's not what I first read it as your intention to bash him over the head with a sledgehammer for getting himself into a mess again) then any debts in his name only are not your responsibility. But I am sure someone will correct me if I am wrong.

Regarding the rest of it, it really does sound like your husband has a problem with spending - I think he needs to get serious help because otherwise you will just go round and round in circles, you bailing him out by putting yourself into debt, and then him just racking the debt back up again.

I would advise against you getting a loan to pay it off - just my opinion, and I know you are in a partnership etc etc, but why should you bail him out again? It seems as though you have just fixed it for him in the past which is why he probably doesn't understand the full seriousness of the situation he has put himself and you in.

I think you need to sit down and have a serious chat/scream at him about all of this - only once he understands the mess he has gotten into then you can start looking at fixing it otherwise this will only be a short term solution until he does it again.

Sorry if that's harsh, just trying to help.

Willing2Learn · 23 January 2013 at 3:49PM

Hi Bashful,
You are not alone in having a husband/wife/partner who is a debt magnet.

First, just to make things clear, I am not promoting a product. I am merely giving feedback from personal experience.

I used a program (YNAB) to help recover our situation (tens of thousands of debts and defaults) and, more importantly, teach us how to manage a budget. That was a few years ago and I still use it today. There are lots of other too who have used YNAB to help their financially linked partners to manage their budgets responsibly and live within their means.

It uses a strict zero-based budget methodology so that everything gets divided into needs and wants. For example, I have budget categories for everything from gas, water and mortgage, to cinema tickets, restaurants, alcohol and games and pool. Every single penny is accounted for.

I'm not going to provide a link to a commercial program as that would not be correct on MSE. Google YNAB. Take a look at their support pages and teaching material that provide users clear information on what zero-based budgeting is and how to apply the method. Also view the customer (one the best community forum I've ever stumbled across). And finally, take the time to research the product by looking at both independent reviews and user feedback given on other forums.

There is a 34-day free trial so that you can test whether zero-based budgeting could work for your situation.

Like I say, it worked for us.

There are lots of other similar products too that are available but this one was the best fit for our circumstances.

Please don't bite my head off. This is not an advert. Only meant as advice to help you address the problem of your 'debt magnet'.

Good luck

Edit: I agree with the other about getting a loan. It isn't fair to be getting a loan in your name to address his debts. Having said that, I suppose it depends how much of a true partnership you have and whether you truly share everything. Only you will know that.

[Deleted User] · 23 January 2013 at 4:03PM

unoriginal_uk wrote: »

I am pretty sure if something happened to him then any debts in his name only are not your responsibility.

Pretty much correct.

It's not quite that simple, as regards mortgage/rent, benefits, CT etc., but most unsecured debts, that are the sole responsibility of the deceased, in the absence of an estate/assets, die with him/her.

mildredalien · 23 January 2013 at 4:59PM

To be honest I think your husband needs to be tackling this debt, not you!! If you keep bailing him out and dealing with his debts for him, how is he ever going to learn to manage his finances himself? Does he even care or want to deal with it? You sound very supportive which is great, why not support him to find his way to the MSE website and do some reading

Also, I wonder what the root cause of his spending is? What is he putting on those cards? Is it to survive each month, does he have expensive hobbies, is he just unable to resist the temptation of something new and shiny?

BASHFUL_2 · 23 January 2013 at 6:47PM

Thankyou all for your replies! Very much appreciate them. I will continue to read any more and hopefully reply properly tomorrow when I can get on the pc. Thanks again x

Barbeduk · 23 January 2013 at 7:16PM

Will you be wanting a mortgage in the next few years? If so, they will check his credit history and from what you say (currently 2 maxed out cards, money owed to family member and paying off small amounts to old cards) it's not going to be good. So yes, he is ruining your joint financial future.

Is that fair, responsible, grown up?

BASHFUL_2 · 23 January 2013 at 7:21PM

We already have a mortgage! I didn't say it was fair or grown up I just simply asked for some advice from anyone that's been in the same situation, that was all.

System · 23 January 2013 at 7:33PM

I think what barbeduk is suggesting that if your current deal ends on your mortgage and you want to remortgage for a better rate then his actions may reflect on both of you directly in terms of the roof over your head

Advice please! Husband is a debt magnet!

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