Relationship advice...

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DarlingDaughter
DarlingDaughter Posts: 22 Forumite
in Marriage, relationships & families
Hello,

I'm aware my problem isn't as major as other people's problems, but I'd really appreciate some advice.

Well, to cut a long story short its come to light that my boyfriend cheated on his ex-girlfriend, with somebody who I share bad blood with; but nothing beyond disagreements. The issue for me, is that when he told me about a girl who'd he also cheated on his ex with, I was fine, even respected him for telling his ex what he'd done. But he didn't tell me about the girl who I dislike, I even asked if there were any more girls; to which he said no which of course I now found this out to be a lie.

So, he's distraught that he's lied to me and I feel that's genuine. As it was just a kiss between this girl, both girls in fact were just a kiss, he says it 'slipped' his mind but I feel by lying to me hes betrayed my trust.

I'm sadend by the fact that our relationship was going so well, perhaps now I feel its been tainted. Esspecially as when we started our relationship he had a big policy of 'honesty' as his ex told him some malicious lies. So now I feel that, as hes lied to me, hes undermined one of the fundemental 'foundations' of our relationship. I've never lied to him, it's quite an ingrained belief of mine not to lie.

Upon re-reading this I realise how juvinille it sounds, perhaps it is.

My thoughts on this are:
  • Am I blowing this way out of proportion?
  • Do I break up with him, on the grounds that he needs to know I won't be lied to and won't take it lightly?
  • Or do I get over it?
Thanks for all your help.
Mum is the heartbeat of the home.:happylove
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Comments

  • mildred1978
    mildred1978 Posts: 3,367 Forumite
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    He sounds a real catch.
    Science adjusts its views based on what's observed.
    Faith is the denial of observation, so that belief can be preserved.
    :A Tim Minchin :A
  • whitewing
    whitewing Posts: 11,852 Forumite
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    I would dump him for good. I hate being lied to, especially when there is no need. There was a time when he could have told you and you may not have liked it but you would have got over it. But it is beyond that point.
    :heartsmil When you find people who not only tolerate your quirks but celebrate them with glad cries of "Me too!" be sure to cherish them. Because these weirdos are your true family.
  • January20
    January20 Posts: 3,769 Forumite
    Debt-free and Proud!
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    I was going to try and be understanding of him but sorry, I can't... Get over it? and what? wait for him to cheat on you too? And then it might slip his mind too? He knows how much you dislike lying but then he lied to you? Yes, great catch!
    LBM: August 2006 £12,568.49 - DFD 22nd March 2012
    "The road to DF is long and bumpy" GreenSaints
  • Emmzi
    Emmzi Posts: 8,658 Forumite
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    how very Jeremy Kyle.

    I'd find myself a more mature man who understands monogamy.
    Debt free 4th April 2007.
    New house. Bigger mortgage. MFWB after I have my buffer cash in place.
  • Sambucus_Nigra
    Sambucus_Nigra Posts: 8,669 Forumite
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    If you need your man to note down each discretion in case it slips his mind, then I think you need a new man. Sorry.
    If you haven't got it - please don't flaunt it. TIA.
  • BugglyB
    BugglyB Posts: 1,067 Forumite
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    That whole 'being distraught' thing is awful too. You're the one who should be angry/distraught, not reassuring him.
  • Alikay
    Alikay Posts: 5,147 Forumite
    First Post First Anniversary Combo Breaker
    edited 22 April 2012 at 9:08AM
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    I don't think it IS all that outrageous that he didn't tell you until now: I don't feel we need to spill our guts about everything thats gone on in a previous relationship when we start with someone new. He told you he'd cheated on his ex, so you could deal with the information that he's capable of straying in certain situations, which is enough IMO. Who the other party was, I don't feel should make a difference (unless it's your sister, best friend or mum obv!!)

    I do understand why you're angry but I don't feel he's any more in the wrong for cheating with "she that you can't stand" than any other woman in your town tbh.

    I've just noticed it was kissing rather than full-blown parallel relationships with the other women: Sorry but I think you need to get a grip - the poor bloke was just going out with his ex, not married with kids!
  • January20
    January20 Posts: 3,769 Forumite
    Debt-free and Proud!
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    Well, Alikay, he says it was kissing....
    LBM: August 2006 £12,568.49 - DFD 22nd March 2012
    "The road to DF is long and bumpy" GreenSaints
  • Tiddlywinks
    Tiddlywinks Posts: 5,777 Forumite
    I've been Money Tipped!
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    So you BF thought it was OK to 'cheat' by kissing other girls whilst still be with his then partner.

    You have known about his 'cheating' with one of the girls but have now found out about another?

    I just want to know one thing... if you know that your BF cheated on his previous GF why did you choose him in the first place? You knew what he was like - why so surprised with him being less than truthful now?
    :hello:
  • thorsoak
    thorsoak Posts: 7,166 Forumite
    Name Dropper First Post First Anniversary
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    So he cheated on his ex - not once, but twice ........

    It's not a good pattern, is it?
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