Advice needed - House or Wedding?

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  • sk240
    sk240 Posts: 474
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    The house should be the priority by far, otherwise you may be in the situation where you use up your deposit (if you have one) on the wedding, making the house an imposible thing.
    Wheras if you buy the house, you can then save for the wedding in a couple of years time.
    That way you will get both, instead of possibly only getting married, and then never onto the propery ladder.
    So its one a day wedding, and rent forever, or a possible home for a lifetime, and a short wait for the big wedding.
    Sounds like a no brainer to me....

    The big wedding is a no go too by the way, this is a money saving site :-)
  • DigForVictory
    DigForVictory Posts: 11,903
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    For me, house but I'm pretty fireproof to social media & the Wedding Business Hype.
    If Herself is unwilling, get her on this site - not just this thread! but all the OS ways to may every penny squeak & you may find she gets still more ideas, but better ways of paying for them.

    Plus a possible interest in househunting - after all, all that creative energy has to go somewhere after the wedding planning & planning how the house will look & in what order things need doing?

    Makes wedding presents for those not skilled in Wedding Industry subsidiary areas (flowers, cravats, placement etc) can offer plumbing, tiling & electrical etc hours as a more than acceptable gift instead.
  • Money_maker
    Money_maker Posts: 5,471
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    For me it would be house. For you, the wedding. Too many peeps posting about having bought a house 6 month ago and have split up. Given that you can't agree about this, I suggest you hold on a while and see if you want to get married first. Ask her to compromise - your wedding day is only 24 hours long, is it really worth £*****'s spent on one day?
    Please do not quote spam as this enables it to 'live on' once the spam post is removed. ;)

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  • Malthusian
    Malthusian Posts: 10,898
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    One way or another you need to have an adult conversation between the two of you. "People on the Internet agree with me" is not a persuasive argument. I suspect that most people will agree with you that the house takes priority, but that's because you chose this particular forum. If you had asked the question on, say, a website aimed at women who are planning their weddings (or fantasising about it) then you would probably get the opposite response.
    ripplyuk wrote: »
    I'd prefer to be married before buying a house. It just feels more secure legally if a break up happens.

    Secure for whom? Without being cynical about it, probably more secure for whoever is paying less towards the house. In the event of a breakup a married person can use arguments about the needs of children or their contribution to the overall household to gain a share in the house whereas an unmarried person has to show that they were paying towards the mortgage or otherwise had a beneficial interest.
  • suki1964
    suki1964 Posts: 14,313
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    You are right, there's is no right or wrong

    A partnership, be it married or cohabiting, is all about compromise. Life as a whole is about compromise.

    You both want marraige, which is good, at least you both agree on that. But then what do you both want after that? Mortgage, kids, foreign travel, emigrate ?

    You both need to sit down and discuss what it is you want to achieve and in what time frame and then discuss how you can achieve this

    There's a thread on debt free diarys where someone has posted their debt which was run up having the wedding and honeymoon they wanted. They are now realising how the debt is impacting not only on their lives, but their kids lives as now every penny they have is going on repayments and their is no money for treats, holidays etc

    Me and DH have never had debt, only a mortgage which we paid off in 13 years. We done house first, marraige second. Our wedding day was fantastic and memorable, and we done it on a shoe string. What was important was getting married, not a frock and party for people we hardly knew
  • House prices rise faster than wedding costs. Buy the house, delay the wedding

    OR - insist on her parents paying for it all if she wants to be so traditional
  • nkkingston
    nkkingston Posts: 488
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    We went house first, but I know a lot of people are wary of that because it's much stickier if you split up. What's your saving scheme like? How long would it take you to save for both a wedding and a deposit (though dear god, don't try and buy a house and organise a wedding at the same time!)? Are there sacrifices you're willing to make in you quality of living to get either or both faster? Are there sacrifices in either or both you're willing to make to maintain your standard of living and get there faster?

    Side note: Organising a wedding is much harder than buying a house (trust me!) so you may want to have a discussion about the division of labour required in both. The cheaper the house or the wedding, the more work it takes.

    One thing I would add is that it's possible she's being realistic about wedding costs, rather than dreaming of a super fancy day. You'd be stunned by the number of blokes who think wining and dining 200 people in a rented venue is something you can pull off for a couple of thousand quid, including clothes and decorations, and get very nasty sticker shock when it turns out they've also got to cover renting chairs, tables, crockery, cutlery, hotplates, waiters... That the average wedding in the UK is £20k (or £25k? I've lost track) is partly inflated by some very silly events, it's true, but most couples are spending the vast majority of their wedding fund on venue and food. It's not decor, it's not dresses, it's not honeymoons and hen parties: it's three courses plus wine for toasting, a roof to eat it under, a table to eat it at, and someone to prepare it. You absolutely can have a beautiful and emotional day for under £1000, but only for a small number of guests. If great auntie joan was planning to gift you a deposit towards your house, she may not take kindly to being told she didn't make the cut. You need to have a conversation about why she wants the wedding she does. If she's got a big extended family she's close to and wants to celebrate with, there are ways to keep costs down (ah, family labour!) but there's a bottom line you're going to run into. If she just wants a £5k dress... there are definitely savings that can be made there!
    Mortgage
    June 2016: £93,295
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  • Grenage
    Grenage Posts: 2,897
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    You can't live in a wedding; I know what I'd pick.
  • PasturesNew
    PasturesNew Posts: 70,698
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    Definitely a house. A house is for life - a wedding's just an expensive day that's pretty meaningless to everybody except the bride in all honesty.
  • hazyjo
    hazyjo Posts: 15,468
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    You're asking on a money saving site - it's likely people will agree with you. Ask on a wedding site and people are more likely to see it from your OH's POV.


    Instead of a BIG wedding, or even giving a budget, why not just say 'both' but make it a mission from now onwards to get absolutely everything at a bargain price. If it means making your invitations or table decs (like I did), then great. I bought mosaic-mirrored silver vases and had two Gerberas for each vase. Was sparkly and gorgeous - and people could take them home at the end of the night if they wished. You don't need to spend a fortune on things. £2-3k for a wedding at the most isn't going put you in debt for years or stop you buying a house for too long - even if it puts you back a year. But having a wedding that costs £15k or so is just pointless IMO.


    Go for something classy, not some massive venue that have 3 or 4 weddings on every weekend. It's just so formulaic. Sod all the magicians and photo booth malarkey. The best weddings I've been to (by a million miles) were in halls with live bands. Is there a nearby local boutique-style hotel that's licensed? Or do a barn dance in a hall for something fun and different.


    I've been married (and divorced!) twice and didn't spend a fortune on either - but they still appeared classy and people had a good time.


    Get married late and just do one meal in the evening for everyone. Even do bacon or veggie sausage hotdogs at 9-10pm if there's a bit of a gap.


    I get that some girls look forward to it and plan and imagine it for years - and they don't want to let go of that dream. But it does not have to cost the earth.


    Jx
    2023 wins: *must start comping again!*
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