Waiting for a proposal - how did you stay sane?!

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  • VintageHistorian
    VintageHistorian Posts: 897 Forumite
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    Allwordsnoaction - Leave him. He sounds like he's stringing you along. Doesn't want to end things with you because then life will get more difficult for him, but doesn't really want you around either as he doesn't want the commitment. His proposal plan sounds half arsed, the ring sounds half arsed, do not give a large proportion of your time and energy to a person who will only give you a small fraction of theirs.
    "You won't bloom until you're planted" - Graffiti spotted in Newcastle.

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  • 74jax
    74jax Posts: 7,929 Forumite
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    Just checking in after Christmas, to not a lot on here. #sadface
    Forty and fabulous, well that's what my cards say....
  • pigpen
    pigpen Posts: 41,035 Forumite
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    There have been a couple of proposals.. Tigsteroonie posted below.. I'm still here.. OH finally proposed on my birthday last week.. after 9 years.. I said no... Too little, too late, much much too late..

    The whole.. 'do you think we should make it official?' ... what?.. 'get married?' ... no!! Why??? just...no!!!!

    That was the end of that.
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  • lika_86
    lika_86 Posts: 1,776 Forumite
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    Interesting pigpen. Out of interest, why did you decide that? We're at none and a half years and I would have only ever wanted a small family do but despite my mum being really ill a few years ago my OH didn't seem to get the message that we couldn't wait forever. My nan recently died and now I feel like he's waited too long citing lack of money when we had more than enough in the bank to do it if he'd asked. So now I really can't see us getting married, at least in the near future.
  • pigpen
    pigpen Posts: 41,035 Forumite
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    I feel like I'm too old, too tired, we can't really afford even a tiny ceremony.. £100 registry office, £70 notices, £200 ish to get us something to wear.. I know we don't NEED new clothes to wear but I am not getting married in leggings and a christmas jumper or my dressing gown!

    I also feel like he was asking out of pity or a sense of obligation rather than actually wanting to be married.. I told him to think about it more and ask me again when it is what he wants to do not something he has been pressured into.
    LB moment 10/06 Debt Free date 6/6/14
    Hope to be debt free until the day I die
    Mortgage-free Wannabee (05/08/30)
    6/6/14 £72,454.65 (5.65% int.)
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  • 74jax
    74jax Posts: 7,929 Forumite
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    pigpen wrote: »
    I feel like I'm too old, too tired, we can't really afford even a tiny ceremony.. £100 registry office, £70 notices, £200 ish to get us something to wear.. I know we don't NEED new clothes to wear but I am not getting married in leggings and a christmas jumper or my dressing gown!

    I also feel like he was asking out of pity or a sense of obligation rather than actually wanting to be married.. I told him to think about it more and ask me again when it is what he wants to do not something he has been pressured into.



    I completely agree with this. I've been on this thread since it started and me and the op kinda bonded over this thread. Both of us married now too.


    Somewhere on this thread you'll find I asked OH to marry me as he just wasn't asking and he halfhearted was well I guess, maybe, if you want. I let it ride as clearly it wasn't the right time. He then asked me, I honestly can't remember how long after, but a couple of years I think.


    Basically what I'm TRYING to say is, the outcome is the same, we are married. Whether he had agreed to it then or waited until he was fully in the zone as it where, but I know when he asked he was damn sure and wasn't saying yes because we'd been together 10 years and it was the next step, or expected.


    Others might think it odd, but I can see where you are coming from.
    Forty and fabulous, well that's what my cards say....
  • Katapolt
    Katapolt Posts: 291 Forumite
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    Hiya! I've only been with my OH for about 18 month, but 2 months ago we moved into our first home together (bought together) and honestly, since the second i saw him I felt like i found home.

    Anyway, due to poor health in both sides of the family the conversation of marriage has come up a few times, and for a short while we had a "game" when we were out and about, he would pick out and ring and id let him know if it was something i liked, so he could get an idea.

    The topic has died down recently, mostly due to the fact he mentioned to my friend and myself, that he would probably be popping the question before her wedding in July.... Que me now getting anxious at every dinner out or event out of the ordinary:rotfl:

    I don't even know why im so anxious about it all! It feels like it matters to me far more than it should!
  • Mrs_Ryan
    Mrs_Ryan Posts: 11,832 Forumite
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    I AM ENGAGED!!!!
    Not the most romantic of proposals but i’ll take it.
    We saw the announcement about civil partnerships for straight couples on the news- now we had been discussing this for a while and he had said if the law came in we would do it (he didn’t think that it would come in) but I pointed out to him that clearly the government were serious about making them law. We had a bit of a discussion and he said ‘okay, we’ll do it.’ I had taken my ring off last week as basically I was fed up of waiting and saw no reason to wear it- so I said ‘should I put it back on?’ So he put it back on my finger and I said ‘can I call you my fianc! then?’ He grinned and said ‘yes if you want’ and that was it!
    We’ve been together 12 years on the 21st and lived together for 11.5, a lot of it is more for legal reasons than a huge romance thing but I’m happy enough.
    He always said that he would never get married but I’ve worn him down :D
    Never give up hope everyone xx
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  • Gettingtherequickly
    Gettingtherequickly Posts: 4,682 Forumite
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    Mrs_Ryan wrote: »
    I AM ENGAGED!!!!
    Not the most romantic of proposals but i’ll take it.
    We saw the announcement about civil partnerships for straight couples on the news- now we had been discussing this for a while and he had said if the law came in we would do it (he didn’t think that it would come in) but I pointed out to him that clearly the government were serious about making them law. We had a bit of a discussion and he said ‘okay, we’ll do it.’ I had taken my ring off last week as basically I was fed up of waiting and saw no reason to wear it- so I said ‘should I put it back on?’ So he put it back on my finger and I said ‘can I call you my fianc! then?’ He grinned and said ‘yes if you want’ and that was it!
    We’ve been together 12 years on the 21st and lived together for 11.5, a lot of it is more for legal reasons than a huge romance thing but I’m happy enough.
    He always said that he would never get married but I’ve worn him down :D
    Never give up hope everyone xx


    Oh congrats Mrs R! You better nip over to the other thread & tell them the news, will be a gang of us behind you getting you prepped & svelte for the big day:D
    A smile costs little but creates much :)
  • chicacherrycola
    chicacherrycola Posts: 59 Forumite
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    We bought a house together recently which has been massively exciting and I know is a huge commitment in itself but it’s still not a proposal.

    the closer we get to the end of the year the more disheartened I become because I really REALLY thought 2018 was the one.
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