Money Moral Dilemma: Should I buy an engagement gift for my fiance?
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The poster I quoted and disagreed with was not comparing what her partner spent on her engagement ring with anyone else.Malthusian wrote: »Ah, but if two men earn the same six-figure salary but one goes to Hatton Garden and the other goes to Elizabeth Duke, and probably hands over his Amazon wishlist five seconds after the ring, you'd be hard-pressed to convince me that they are both equally serious or deserving of the lady's hand.
How much someone spends on an engagement ring relative to their income does demonstrate a) how serious they are b) whether they are financially mature enough to be able to spend a decent proportion of earnings on a ring.
She merely stated that because it was more than she expected but within his means, it demonstrated to her his seriousness.
I don't agree with that.0 -
10th Anniversary is Tin - so how about http://www.mysupermarket.co.uk/aldi-price-comparison/Tinned_Beans/Everyday_Essentials_Baked_Beans_in_Tomato_Sauce_410g.html?TrackingCode=51.p_qiPerI5UWMjUX2AhGYQAringo_24601 wrote: »Now I just need to save up for a 10 year anniversary gift..Wash your Knobs and Knockers... Keep the Postie safe!0 -
Whilst I do love a drop of soup, I think she'd be looking for something more like this - https://www.bluenile.com/uk/diamond-tennis-bracelet-18k-white-gold_61854?gclid=Cj0KEQjw2-bHBRDEh6qk5b6yqKIBEiQAFUz29uHOSQGxmzPj6fIhrnYJBX7OrJMPwHVygmX2U3puULsaAm2z8P8HAQ&click_id=8396141020 -
ringo_24601 wrote: »Whilst I do love a drop of soup, I think she'd be looking for something more like this - https://www.bluenile.com/uk/diamond-tennis-bracelet-18k-white-gold_61854?gclid=Cj0KEQjw2-bHBRDEh6qk5b6yqKIBEiQAFUz29uHOSQGxmzPj6fIhrnYJBX7OrJMPwHVygmX2U3puULsaAm2z8P8HAQ&click_id=839614102
Show off!
You could have a holiday for that.0 -
I could get a car for that...Red-Squirrel wrote: »Show off!
You could have a holiday for that.
Nice jewelry is expensive, but I know my wife will treasure it for decades. Same with the engagement ring.
Funny though because I'd be exceptionally nervous with a £2k wristwatch.0 -
I'm not sure you do understand that it could have been a surprise proposal with her having no involvement in the choosing of the ring.
As I've already posted, if it was a surprise proposal, she would have had no say in how much the ring cost.
She might have preferred to have just a token ring and the majority of money to be spent on more practical things.
She may have had no choice in that at all if it was a surprise proposal.
I'm not convinced that jewellers do have a standard returns policy.
They do not - by law - have to refund or exchange any item because of change of mind (or rejection or a proposal).
Large high street chains may do refunds but a small independant shop may not.
I guess we will have to agree to disagree then. This has turned into so much more than just a simple yes or no answer which cannot be given based on what has been posted and lots of 'ifs'
He may or may not have brought from a store that would offer a refund/exchange
He may or may not have spent a large amount, used savings, used a credit card, taken a loan etc
She may or may not have a lot of savings with which she could choose to buy him a gift.
She may or may not think he is a cheeky wotsit for suggesting that he gets something too, never mind the fact he also put a price tag on it
I understand that she may have had no say in how much the ring cost but she did have a say in whether to approach the subject of the cost. I can only comment based on my own values/relationship. If my oh proposed, presenting a ring I thought was expensive and we were expecting a large expense then we would have a conversation regarding it. As we did when I was presented with what I felt was an expensive gift for my 30th birthday.0 -
Malthusian wrote: »How much someone spends on an engagement ring relative to their income does demonstrate a) how serious they are b) whether they are financially mature enough to be able to spend a decent proportion of earnings on a ring.
Means the bloke had a lucky escape, if it's based on cost (gold digger).0 -
When me and my wife got engaged, i didnt want a gift as why would you expect a gift back? Surely the gift os that of your fiancee agreeing to be with you for the rest of your life.
Anyway, my wife wanted to get me something, and we bought a painting of where we got engaged. Cost about 5-10% of the ring cost and i was more than happy.
In telation to the OP, why demand an equal gift? Its unfair as i'm presuming she didnt know about the proposal beforehand, and with the new house purchase, the money could be much more well spent.0 -
I've been with my husband for 30 years and it never entered either of our heads to buy him a gift when we got engaged. He asked me to marry him and we went shopping together to buy a ring for me that we both loved.
I'm thrilled that he didn't do the down on one knee with a ring in his hand thing as I wouldn't have had a say and almost definitely wouldn't have received the beautiful ring we chose together. Personally I don't know why people think the grand gesture of a man choosing a ring is the done thing, I know too many people who received rings they wouldn't have chosen because they didn't get to help choose an important piece of jewellery that is meant to be worn and loved for the duration of a marriage. My advice would be to choose a beautiful ring together and you will continue to love it.
On the subject of your fianc! expecting a watch in return for your ring, I'm afraid alarm bells are ringing here and I would be questioning this relationship. I would be wondering what issues might lay ahead in the event of maternity leave, part-time working, redundancy etc. Marriage is meant to be a partnership to last for the rest of your life and money issues can be a source of argument for the most solid couples. If you start off on shaky ground it doesn't bode well to me.
Incidentally my husband does a manual job and didn't want to wear a wedding ring which was fine by me but we chose a lovely watch for him as a wedding present (because he had lost his old one) which we both felt good about, however there was no expectation on his part.
I think you need to talk through how you intend to manage your finances before you tie the knot,0 -
My boyfriend recently proposed to me and spent money on a beautiful ring, which I love. He would like me to buy him a wristwatch of equal value as a memento of the engagement, however I've just left my job and we're about to move home so I feel we need every penny for more practical things. Am I being a scrooge?
Yes, because you've already accepted an expensive gift for yourself, but are now saying you will not reciprocate. This doesn't bode well, as neither of you seem to be good with your money.0
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