Shifting this debt one £ at a time.

Decluttering: aim - 1000 items

1-8. Ebay parcels (posted)
9-17. Books (car boot)
18-63. Ebay parcels (posted)
64. Book (car boot)
65. Magazine (recycling)
66. Set of plates (car boot)
67. Small pot (car boot)
68. Biscuit tin (recycling)
69-76. Ebay parcels (posted)
77-93. Ebay parcels (posted)
94. Piggy Bank (binned - broken by little jwil)
95-99. Books (car boot)
100-114. Ebay parcels (posted)
116. Breast pump parts (binned)
117-118. Books (car boot)
119-124. Ebay parcels (posted)
125. Pile of newspaper/magazines (recycled)
126. Book (car boot)
127-128. Ebay parcels (posted)

Decluttering: aim - 1000 items

1-8. Ebay parcels (posted)
9-17. Books (car boot)
18-63. Ebay parcels (posted)
64. Book (car boot)
65. Magazine (recycling)
66. Set of plates (car boot)
67. Small pot (car boot)
68. Biscuit tin (recycling)
69-76. Ebay parcels (posted)
77-93. Ebay parcels (posted)
94. Piggy Bank (binned - broken by little jwil)
95-99. Books (car boot)
100-114. Ebay parcels (posted)
116. Breast pump parts (binned)
117-118. Books (car boot)
119-124. Ebay parcels (posted)
125. Pile of newspaper/magazines (recycled)
126. Book (car boot)
127-128. Ebay parcels (posted)
129. Changing bag (binned, not recyclable)
130. Ebay parcel (posted)
131. Book (car boot)

Beware, massive whingey post alert - feel free to ignore If you do read, please don't quote it as I might delete it later.

I am completely fed up at the moment. The last couple of days I've been on a real downer. Last night I had a massive cry and was really wondering whether I could go on living like this. I don't mean that in any sinister fashion, but purely can I stay with someone who has such polar opposite ways of living than I do It's all to do with the house. DH is a hoarder, and whilst he does make small attempts to clear stuff, he is always always going to have stuff stacked around and is never going to see a problem with it.

I'm not perfect by any means (40 books bought the other day anyone?) but I hate having stuff stacked on the floor, and hate having to climb around stuff and move stuff to get to other things. DH informed me last night that he had bought something on ebay and it's the second thing in a week, one I don't mind so much, but the other is going to be bulky and he doesn't need it and won't use it!

I flipped at him. He knows how annoyed I am. He knows that the clutter annoys me. Hence all the can I live like this any more thoughts. I have decided that DH is more important to me than the mess and I've got to find some way of managing it and encouraging him to manage it.

His Mum was a hoarder too, hence all the decluttering when we inherited all her belongings. He has improved greatly since we've been together, but there is obviously a long way to go.

I am fed up with the clutter and the fact it's making the house filthy as it's impossible to clean around anything. I'm also very very fed up with the fact that I am pretty much physically unable to do anything as I am in constant pain/discomfort and also unable to do anything physical or stand for long periods of time. I suspect that this, more than anything else has triggered my low moods at the moment. I want to do so much but can't.

I presume I'm also somewhat hormonal which doesn't help!

*Phew* sorry for the rant, I just wanted to get if off my chest! It does make me feel a bit better.

tattycath wrote: »

(((Hugs))) jwil. You are doing so well.
Would he work to some targets to get rid of stuff? Much like the targets you set yourself. Maybe there is something expensive he really wants and you could encourage him to sell £xxx worth of stuff in order to get it?
Or somewhere he want to go and he could sell some stuff to fund that?
Maybe if he has some kind of incentive to get rid of stuff, he might be more inclined? I hope you get him sorted jwil. ((Hugs)) x
Or maybe give him a deadline that if he hasn't got rid of a certain amount of stuff within a certain time scale, you will get rid of it, even if it means throwing it away.

Thanks tattycath

I do try and encourage him to have targets. He doesn't really get it though. I do all the listing and packing on ebay to encourage him to get rid of stuff, it works to a certain extent, but he's not motivated enough. His latest purchase was funded by things he sold.

I can't really do the ultimatum thing, as most of it is decent stuff apart from the newspapers. He 'collects' too many different categories.

We do have a deadline though, he's just not progressing very well towards it. I'll have to be firmer.

peaceandfreedom wrote: »

Jwil - re your 'rant' from yesterday - I really do feel for you and I understand to some extent how you feel.

My DH is not a hoarder but he could be described as having a polar opposite ways of living than me. He never tidies or cleans or does any DIY. Actually, he does hoard - paperwork - and I have made multiple efforts over the years to get him to chuck away boxes of now entirely irrelevant piles of paper. Anything that's ever done around here is done by me and I can tell you that after a while, it wears you down.

Yep same here

I can see a similar pattern with you. You are making truly heroic efforts to not only declutter the house but also sell stuff to pay off debts. You also have little Jwil and are heavily pregnant with a brand new Jwil, as well as working fulltime. You seem to be carrying all these burdens mostly alone. It's not surprising it is becoming too much.

The constant pain and discomfort you are suffering are of course going to affect your mood as well - I am a snarly witch after only a day of two of discomfort, so I can't imagine weeks on end of it.

These suggestions are possibly naive but here goes:

• Can you have a room in the house that is used just for DH's 'stuff'. Don't know if you have a room you can spare for this. If not, what about some kind of shed? Everything of DH's that he can't part with goes into his storage area. The rest of the house is cleared up, as you are in the process of doing.
  
  He has one - it's crammed floor to ceiling and you can't get in it. The room is also meant to be little jwil (and baby's) bedroom, so he knows he needs to get clearing. The stuff has also filled the loft, garage, and downstairs to a certain extent.
  
• Can you ask DH to make a pact that he keeps at least a neutral input of stuff. So for every item that comes into the house, at least one item goes out? I think that this is something a lot of us (especially Marie Kondo converts) are aiming for.
  
  He does get rid of stuff, but far too slowly. He tinkers round the edges rather than really going for it. I'm working on him with this.
  
• Could you also suggest to your DH that when he is thinking of buying something that he discusses it with you first. And then has a 24-hour cool-down period before making a decision to buy it.
  
  He watched this item for ages before he bought it. I knew he was thinking about it, and he knew my thoughts. I don't want to tell him what to do with 'his' spending money as I don't want him to tell me what to do with mine. It's a difficult one.
  
• Can you arrange to have a couple of rooms in the house that are entirely clutter-free - 1) your bedroom 2) a living-room. I mean entirely - no piles of books, no boxes, no piles of anything in fact. Just a regular room with regular things but absolutely nothing that shouldn't actually be there? I really think you need somewhere where you can sit down with a cup of tea and a book, without feeling burdened by all the clutter around you.
  
  This is my dream. Just the living room. I don't care about anywhere else. He knows this, and also says it would be nice, but doesn't do a lot about it. We need to clear space elsewhere for it to happen though.
  
  
• Perhaps it is time to ease off a bit for now. I know it is hard because you are trying to raise as much cash as possible before baby 2 comes along. But you need to cut yourself some slack. I am often dizzied by your amazing ability to do so much stuff but you need a rest.

Part of me says yes, part of me says do it now and chill a bit when baby was here. I was awake for 2 hours last night worrying about managing on maternity leave. It's silly, because if I run out of money I can just go back to work. I really want to take the year, but am nowhere near ready yet.


I hope that things get better for you, Jwil. Hang on in there until baby Jwil appears and then you will be feeling so much better and things will start looking up .

Thank you, it's great to be able to vent.