Advice needed - House or Wedding?

Options
1…34689…13

Comments

  • hazyjo
    hazyjo Posts: 15,470 Forumite
    First Anniversary Name Dropper First Post Photogenic
    Options
    Perhaps get her to pay for things cash. Once she starts, she'll hopefully realise the actual value of money. It's very easy to hand over plastic and have a vague five figures in mind for the wedding and to shove that to the back of you mind.

    Once you start handing over hundreds in notes, let alone thousands (if they'll take cash!), it does make it feel real and puts it in perspective.

    Jx
    2023 wins: *must start comping again!*
  • Kynthia
    Kynthia Posts: 5,668 Forumite
    First Post First Anniversary Combo Breaker
    Options
    Lots of bashing of the OP's girlfeiend here; saying she's indulgent, doesn't know the value of money or even that she wants a wedding and not a marriage! All very excessive and judgemental based on very little info. We don't actually know what budget she has in mind, other than its more than the OP wants to spend right now. It might be a very reasonable amount or a budget tgat he'd be happy with after owning their home.

    OP I think the answer might depend on how long saving for each will take. I'd want to marry first. However if each will take many years of saving then with house prices rising greater than earnings each year, and with wanting a stable roof over my head and to start building equity tgen I might change that order to a house first.
    Don't listen to me, I'm no expert!
  • Pollycat
    Pollycat Posts: 34,686 Forumite
    Name Dropper First Anniversary First Post Savvy Shopper!
    Options
    Kynthia wrote: »
    Lots of bashing of the OP's girlfeiend here; saying she's indulgent, doesn't know the value of money or even that she wants a wedding and not a marriage! All very excessive and judgemental based on very little info. We don't actually know what budget she has in mind, other than its more than the OP wants to spend right now. It might be a very reasonable amount or a budget tgat he'd be happy with after owning their home.
    But the OP does say:
    Vault101 wrote: »
    My GF and I are locked in a bit of a dispute at the moment. She wants to get married, and knows exactly what she wants in a wedding (and wants a big-ish wedding and there's little room for negotiation)
    so probably more likely than not to be on the expensive side.
  • selement
    selement Posts: 518 Forumite
    Options
    OPs girlfriend is probably thinking she'll only get married once (I know this doesn't necessarily pan out but it's what most people believe) and wants it to feel like a genuinely special day with all the important friends and family there. I don't think wanting this is a bad thing and is less important than wanting a house. Although weddings can be done 'on the cheap' it is genuinely difficult to hire a venue and feed a large group of people for a small amount of money.
    Trying to lose weight (13.5lb to go)
  • Pop_Up_Pirate
    Pop_Up_Pirate Posts: 801 Forumite
    Options
    mai_taylor wrote: »
    Well that's not true at all. I loved my wedding, so did my husband and all our friends and family. I can always get more money to buy a house I can't always make more special memories.

    Nobody is ever going to tell the bride what they really thought of the wedding. Everyone you ask will tell you what a lovely day it was, and it was all worth the time, money and effort blah blah.
  • Bean83
    Bean83 Posts: 248 Forumite
    First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Post
    Options
    I will never understand why people on this forum are so judgemental about other people's weddings! What does it matter if a bride wants to spend hundreds of pounds on chair covers?! Just because YOU think it's a waste of money doesn't mean everyone else feels the same. Yes, a wedding can be done for a few hundred pounds, but it doesn't have to be. By that logic, nobody would ever buy anything expensive when the cheap version would do the same job - everyone would be driving old bangers, holidaying in Skegness and wearing clothes from Primark.

    We spent £15000 on our wedding, and I don't regret a single penny. We had an amazing day and I'm pretty sure our friends and family enjoyed themselves too (and no, they're not just being polite!!!). This ridiculous reverse snobbery really gets on my nerves, implying that if you want a big wedding you're a bridezilla, or you 'only want a wedding and not a marriage'!

    As for the OP, ignore all the judgemental rubbish about your poor girlfriend. peesumably she only wants to get married once (!), and wants to spend some money on it, what the heck is wrong with that?!
  • onlyroz
    onlyroz Posts: 17,661 Forumite
    First Post Combo Breaker First Anniversary
    Options
    ringo_24601 wrote: »
    Seat covers go on the back of chairs to make them look nicer :)

    It's a common 'upsell' for a wedding venue
    Can't say I've ever noticed anything particularly memorable about the seats, or the tables, about any wedding I've been to. Seems like a total waste of money to fork out for seat covers or fancy table arrangements. People want somewhere to sit, and a nice meal that they don't have to wait ages to get (and my biggest gripe about weddings is the time you spend standing around, starving hungry, often in the cold, while apparently nothing happens).
  • onlyroz
    onlyroz Posts: 17,661 Forumite
    First Post Combo Breaker First Anniversary
    Options
    Bean83 wrote: »
    We spent £15000 on our wedding, and I don't regret a single penny. We had an amazing day and I'm pretty sure our friends and family enjoyed themselves too (and no, they're not just being polite!!!). This ridiculous reverse snobbery really gets on my nerves, implying that if you want a big wedding you're a bridezilla, or you 'only want a wedding and not a marriage'
    If you can spend £15k without getting into huge debt then I don't see a problem. However, £15k would go a long way towards a house deposit and so if it comes to a choice over which one the money should be spent on then the answer seems obvious to me.


    Being a traditionalist I do think that the wedding should come first, but I also don't see the need to spend many many thousands when money is tight.
  • Bean83
    Bean83 Posts: 248 Forumite
    First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Post
    Options
    On my phone so can't quote, but totally agree with onlyroz's point - I didn't actually answer the OP's original question in my previous post, but yes I would go for the house first and then wedding if it was an either/or question! If you can't afford both, personally I would rather get the house sorted then save again for the wedding. I'd hate to have a lovely wedding then find that circumstances have changed and I could no longer afford to save for a house. In the opposite scenario, once you have a house, wedding plans can be scaled to fit your budget more easily!
  • davidwood123
    davidwood123 Posts: 471 Forumite
    Options
    Call her bluff.

    Tell her she can have the wedding she wants but you'll have to move to a house in rough area to pay for it.
This discussion has been closed.
★ ★ ★ Meet your Ambassadors

Categories

  • All Categories
  • 343.2K Banking & Borrowing
  • 250.1K Reduce Debt & Boost Income
  • 449.7K Spending & Discounts
  • 235.3K Work, Benefits & Business
  • 608.1K Mortgages, Homes & Bills
  • 173.1K Life & Family
  • 247.9K Travel & Transport
  • 1.5M Hobbies & Leisure
  • 15.9K Discuss & Feedback
  • 15.1K Coronavirus Support Boards