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Why cant they do it out of kindness?
Because that's not how I'm raising my kids? Without being funny you seem to think you get to tell me how I do that... you don't.
I want them to know that work is rewarded. They also learn about saving, budgeting and the value of time and property.
I don't want them getting money for nothing.0 -
No obviously. But their labour is worth money.Cleaners get paid for going into a property that is not their own to clean it - no one pays them to clean the home they live in.
So is my children's. It's not a lot, but if they do the assigned chores they get paid. If they don't, they don't get paid.0 -
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In our household we dont have chores ... The word is ridiculous in this day and age.
The kids are expected to tidy their room, put their washing in a basket and clear their own plates .... Everything else is down to us parents and i wouldnt generally ask the kids to do anything on a regular basis.
Pocket money from secondary school age to be about £5 a week but we wouldnt expect them to pay for anything whist with us.0 -
Because that's not how I'm raising my kids? Without being funny you seem to think you get to tell me how I do that... you don't.
I want them to know that work is rewarded. They also learn about saving, budgeting and the value of time and property.
I don't want them getting money for nothing.
Absolutely putting words into my mouth, dear. I havent told you to do anything. This is a discussion.
But it is staggering that while you preach about your kids learning about budgeting, you openly admit that teaching them kindness is not the way you want to raise them. In my opinion, kids should learn to be helpful without the inevitability of reward all the time. They see you running around the house cleaning for nothing but then get paid every time that they help you....
Not my style I am afraid, whatever your claims about the benefits of budgeting are. Kids inevitably receive monies throughout the year without being employees of their own household. Budgeting techniques can be learnt through many other examples.0 -
The kids are expected to tidy their room, put their washing in a basket and clear their own plates .... Everything else is down to us parents and i wouldnt generally ask the kids to do anything on a regular basis.
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Do you think of how this will effect them? Sitting there watching whilst you run ragged?
It is not just about getting the jobs done, as we all know, its teaching them how to do them properly, how to run a home, how to cope when they move to Uni, they will know how to iron their own clothes, cook their own food etc
My friends husband came from a household where his parents did everything - and his expectation that the housework was not 'his business' resulted in divorce quite early on.
Household is a team, when kids are old enough, and able bodied enough to participate in that - they should - they have parents, NOT slaves. This is sending kids an awful message that they are superior to parents and all the dogsbody work should be done by the second class citizens of the household = the parents!
I never got pocket money as a kid but was expected to pull my weight at home. I did move out / leave home with a full understanding of how to cook many different meals, iron and wash my own clothes, and do basic DIY, whereas others were clueless of even how to change a bloody lightbulb
I must be right old fashioned, it shocks me to the core, that people are giving kids amounts like £40 per month - it really does. I am wondering are they buying their own clothes, lunches, out of it, or is it purely for extras? If so this is more than some working adults get spare each month lolThe opposite of what you know...is also true0 -
Absolutely putting words into my mouth, dear. I havent told you to do anything. This is a discussion.
But it is staggering that while you preach about your kids learning about budgeting, you openly admit that teaching them kindness is not the way you want to raise them. In my opinion, kids should learn to be helpful without the inevitability of reward all the time. They see you running around the house cleaning for nothing but then get paid every time that they help you....
Not my style I am afraid, whatever your claims about the benefits of budgeting are. Kids inevitably receive monies throughout the year without being employees of their own household. Budgeting techniques can be learnt through many other examples.
Yes it is a discussion, but you do seem a bit fixated and trying to get me to change my view point. (I wasn't putting words in your mouth, I was making an observation on how I perceived your posts)
Teaching them about kindness doesn't mean working for free. Perhaps I've misrepresented, they aren't paid every time. Their daily pocket money is dependant on doing the assigned chores.0 -
Yes it is a discussion, but you do seem a bit fixated and trying to get me to change my view point. (I wasn't putting words in your mouth, I was making an observation on how I perceived your posts)
Teaching them about kindness doesn't mean working for free. Perhaps I've misrepresented, they aren't paid every time. Their daily pocket money is dependant on doing the assigned chores.
If someone has a strong view on something then they can labour the point. However, it seems you are more bothered about me than the actual discussion.
Teaching them about kindness doesn't mean working for free? "Ok mum. I will do the washing up for you... but only if you give me money for it. Then you can do it tomorrow for free, mum"....
I never realised that doing the odd chore around the house was 'working'.....0 -
Do you think of how this will effect them? Sitting there watching whilst you run ragged?
It is not just about getting the jobs done, as we all know, its teaching them how to do them properly, how to run a home, how to cope when they move to Uni, they will know how to iron their own clothes, cook their own food etc
My friends husband came from a household where his parents did everything - and his expectation that the housework was not 'his business' resulted in divorce quite early on.
Household is a team, when kids are old enough, and able bodied enough to participate in that - they should - they have parents, NOT slaves. This is sending kids an awful message that they are superior to parents and all the dogsbody work should be done by the second class citizens of the household = the parents!
I never got pocket money as a kid but was expected to pull my weight at home. I did move out / leave home with a full understanding of how to cook many different meals, iron and wash my own clothes, and do basic DIY, whereas others were clueless of even how to change a bloody lightbulb
I must be right old fashioned, it shocks me to the core, that people are giving kids amounts like £40 per month - it really does. I am wondering are they buying their own clothes, lunches, out of it, or is it purely for extras? If so this is more than some working adults get spare each month lol
Who is running ragged?, us parent in our house are not ... We have our busy times of course, but not to the point we are "ragged". If that is the case i would be looking to rectify that very quickly by managing time better or prioritising differently. Lets be honest with advent of washing machines, dishwashers, mod cons etc most of the daily stuff is done with far reduced input from us in this modern world.
Micro managing children with lists/chores is suffocating and pointless. Let kids be kids for the short period they are able. None of it is rocket science and they will (and have been) fine when the time comes when they move out.
Feeling like a slave or inferior to the children is more about the parents state of mind, and not as a result of whether the children do the odd task or not .... So long as the children are respectful and appreciative then I personally dont have an issue with it.0 -
Who is running ragged?, us parent in our house are not ... We have our busy times of course, but not to the point we are "ragged". If that is the case i would be looking to rectify that very quickly by managing time better or prioritising differently.
None of that happens in my experience. Micro managing children with lists/chores is suffocating and pointless. Let kids be kids for the short period they are able. None of it is rocket science and they will (and have been) fine when the time comes when they move out. Feeling like a slave is just a state of mind for the parent who resents the fact children have spare time .... So long as the children are respectful and appreciative then I personally dont have an issue with it.
Who is running ragged? People with busier schedules than you maybe? say someone working 12 hour shift, coming home to do all the chores whilst their kids chill on sofa with their I pads
I disagree, but that's your opinion and your right to have it, of course and I respect that
In your experience these things haven't happened but that doesn't mean there isn't a world outside your front door. As far as you know, these things aren't a problem, but would you really be the first to know, if your adult offspring's marriage was falling apart because they refused to do any housework? I wouldn't expect anyone to approach their mother in law to complain that her son/daughter was lazy and to thank her for instilling this superiority complex into their head
Teaching kids they do not need to participate in household necessities, and these ideas could carry into their adulthood and be a real problem in adult relationships. I have seen it with my own eyes, the frustration and resentments that build up when a couple are both working and one is just expected to take the place of Mother. and the complete astonishment of the other partner
I don't think any parent would resent their young kids having spare time - we are not talking Cinderella, having kids scrubbing floors until 11pm, but if free time is all they ever have, whilst parents work full time and do every chore whilst kids sit gawping, is teaching kids that they are superior - pretty much unleashing clueless teenagers on to the world
Also it eats in to family time, instead of spending time together as a family, parents are running round whilst kids are chilling - no team work or family time. Or everyone gets stuck in and finishes together as a team, then all sit down to play a game or watch a family movie togetherThe opposite of what you know...is also true0
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