Reconciling with estranged family

2

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  • pollypenny
    pollypenny Posts: 29,393 Forumite
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    My youngest sister spent all her adult life not talking to someone. Since our father died in 2003 it was me.

    I am considerably older and OH. And I spoiled her when she was little.
    Member #14 of SKI-ers club

    Words, words, they're all we have to go by!.

    (Pity they are mangled by this autocorrect!)
  • Fireflyaway
    Fireflyaway Posts: 2,766 Forumite
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    I'm an only child so have no direct experience. I'd say it depends why you fell out. Was it over one particular thing? Did you used to get on? Is it nothing in particular just life getting in the way?
    I think if I found myself in this situation, I'd write a little card just to say your thinking of her and then see what happens.
    My husband fell out with his brother then made up then fell out and so on. Been 2 years since they spoke last. In their case my brother in law is not a very nice person and its less stressful just to ignore him. Being family doesn't guarantee you will get on. On the other hand my friend fell out with her dad, both being stubborn, neither made the first move and then unfortunately the dad died without them having been reconciled.
    Decide what sort of relationship is right. You can still be civil without living in each others pocket.
  • KxMx
    KxMx Posts: 10,596 Forumite
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    Things went south between me & my Dad after I grew tired of his stepchildren always being put first, and him making little to no effort with me.

    (Many years and many things but that's the simplest explanation),

    I acknowledged faults my side and when I asked for us both to have time to think "nothing for me to think about" was the reply, he didn't see anything wrong with his behaviour.

    I tried again a few months later and was told he had forgotten what we fell out over ( I'm clearly so important to him! :rotfl: )

    I left well alone then, sent cards for Birthday, thanked him for Christmas present etc, not much else.

    With time i missed him, because he is my Dad and I love him. I've never doubted his love for me but it was the way he showed that love with at times complete indifference to me.

    The step children then moved out.

    We both took tentative steps and have more contact now, lots of which comes from his efforts, which is a big deal.

    I do believe if the the step children had not moved out things would not have improved. A tiny part of me resents this, but I am going to be the bigger person and move forward, enjoying the relationship we have now.
  • Clowns_and_Jugglers
    Clowns_and_Jugglers Posts: 52 Forumite
    onlyroz wrote: »
    There isn't always a specific reason. Just because people are relatives doesn't mean that you have anything in common with them, and want to socialise with them.

    In OP's case they've had some sort of falling-out I think. It's not just a case of distant cousins losing contact or whatever.
  • Clowns_and_Jugglers
    Clowns_and_Jugglers Posts: 52 Forumite
    KxMx wrote: »
    Things went south between me & my Dad after I grew tired of his stepchildren always being put first, and him making little to no effort with me.

    (Many years and many things but that's the simplest explanation),

    I acknowledged faults my side and when I asked for us both to have time to think "nothing for me to think about" was the reply, he didn't see anything wrong with his behaviour.

    I tried again a few months later and was told he had forgotten what we fell out over ( I'm clearly so important to him! :rotfl: )

    I left well alone then, sent cards for Birthday, thanked him for Christmas present etc, not much else.

    With time i missed him, because he is my Dad and I love him. I've never doubted his love for me but it was the way he showed that love with at times complete indifference to me.

    The step children then moved out.

    We both took tentative steps and have more contact now, lots of which comes from his efforts, which is a big deal.

    I do believe if the the step children had not moved out things would not have improved. A tiny part of me resents this, but I am going to be the bigger person and move forward, enjoying the relationship we have now.

    So YOU resented your step-siblings, thus putting your dad in an awkward position?
  • KxMx
    KxMx Posts: 10,596 Forumite
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    Clowns_and_Jugglers wrote: »
    So YOU resented your step-siblings, thus putting your dad in an awkward position?

    Not them personally no, after all it was Dad who chose where his time & energy was spent. It would be silly to blame step siblings for his choices!
  • JulieElizabeth
    JulieElizabeth Posts: 1,981 Forumite
    I haven't spoken to my sister in about 8 years after the way she treated my mother. No inclination to make contact whatsoever.


    I consider myself an only child
    NO MORE HANDWASH GLITCHES PLEASE :D:D
  • SamsReturn
    SamsReturn Posts: 2,489 Forumite
    seven-day-weekend wrote: »

    I said maybe she just wanted to bury the hatchet after

    I fell out with one of my Sisters, after my Mum died .............
    I'd love to bury the hatchet if i thought i could get away with it.:eek::eek:
  • Rosieandjim
    Rosieandjim Posts: 254 Forumite
    SamsReturn wrote: »
    I fell out with one of my Sisters, after my Mum died .............
    I'd love to bury the hatchet if i thought i could get away with it.:eek::eek:


    I shouldn't laugh :rotfl:
  • no1catman
    no1catman Posts: 2,972 Forumite
    First Anniversary First Post I've been Money Tipped!
    Rosieandjim wrote: »
    I shouldn't laugh :rotfl:

    I know the feeling!
    I used to work for Tesco - now retired - speciality Clubcard
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