Wedding party duties

peachyprice · 19 April 2017 at 4:25PM

Ushers show the guests to the correct side of the church, best man arranges stage do and looks after the rings/groom before the wedding.

Bridesmaids arrange hen do, help the bride dress, look after the bouquet during ceremony and give out confetti for the photos.

That's about it isn't it? Some of the things in your poll OP are way OTT. I certainly didn't expect any of our wedding party to 'work' for the privilege of being chosen.

nkkingston · 19 April 2017 at 4:31PM

I hadn't seen that one! Confetti.co.uk has an frankly impressive list for the chief bridesmaid (or rather, the wedding planner who appears to be masquerading as one) which inspired some of the more demanding elements in the poll. My own experience with weddings is that guests assume the bridesmaids know every last detail about the venue, catering, timings, family dynamics, and so on, and that vendors will approach almost anyone before they risk going to the couple with a problem. I'd always assumed this level of 'managing' the event was something that was built into the bridesmaids' roles, but it looks like I've just been to a lot of events where the ladies went above and beyond.

I have fallen down an interesting history rabbit hole while exploring all this, including how the wedding party roles are named after servant roles. it's interesting that unlike the US we don't use maid of honour, which is explicitly a term for a high ranking noble acting as a servant, but we've kept maids, ushers and pages. It all implies that the couple are royalty for the day, which gives me a new appreciation for Posh and Becks' thrones. It wasn't tacky, it was a nod to wedding history!

fairy_lights · 19 April 2017 at 5:01PM

nkkingston wrote: »

My own experience with weddings is that guests assume the bridesmaids know every last detail about the venue, catering, timings, family dynamics, and so on, and that vendors will approach almost anyone before they risk going to the couple with a problem.

I think quite often bridesmaids/groomsmen do have a good grasp of seating arrangements, timings, and family feuds, partly because as close friends of the couple they will have discussed these things but also because they need to know when and where to be on the day so know the schedule at least.
If there are last minute organisational problems on the day, vendors probably aren't going to be able to contact the bride or groom because they will be busy getting ready, so in that instance they might approach someone who they can clearly identify as part of the wedding party as a last resort.

Serendipitious · 19 April 2017 at 5:47PM

I've been to a few UK weddings which had a 'maid of honour' and bridesmaids - in each of these weddings, all the bridesmaids were children, and the 'maid of honour' was the adult bridesmaid who was in charge of the little ones.

pogofish · 19 April 2017 at 6:19PM

Wouldn't a Weddings/Special Occasions Forum be a wonderful innovation for MSE!

belfastgirl23 · 19 April 2017 at 6:29PM

To me, 'run interference' is the main job description. Whether it's keeping an eye on an older relative (or a drunk relative!), keeping hold of cash gifts, as others said, help with hair/clothes etc. Within reason, whatever the bride/groom needs on the day and in the run up to it. If you're close enough friends or family that they ask you, then surely you'd want to help out any way you can?

Dustyblinds · 19 April 2017 at 7:25PM

pogofish wrote: »

Wouldn't a Weddings/Special Occasions Forum be a wonderful innovation for MSE!

There's already one on the For who and where you are. Weddings and special occasions.

Dustyblinds · 19 April 2017 at 7:42PM

Dd was maid of honour for her cousin last week and took on her duties really well considering it's the first time she's ever been a bridesmaid.
She organised the hen do, collecting money, making up goody bags etc. No wild weekend, we went for afternoon tea, which everyone enjoyed.
She took the bride to dress fittings, hair and makeup rehearsals etc, even helped her choose the cakes, the cake maker used dd as her contact so as not to stress the bride, bit difficult to stress my niece as she's very laid back anyway, as is dd.
Dd stayed over at the brides home the night before and on the morning they went to her mams where they had hair and makeup done before helping each other get dressed and dress the brides daughters who were also bridesmaids.
The day went so smoothly because of how well my niece had everyone organised. At the end of the evening my sister was on babysitting duties for my nieces two children so me and my other sister helped with loading nieces taxi with presents, table decorations and the cake.
It was a lovely day, made all the more special as we all had our own part to play in helping out.Like belfastgirl said above if your close family, why wouldn't you want to help out.

sillyvixen · 19 April 2017 at 10:32PM

As my only bridesmaid was 8 years old her only job was to follow me in and out of church and hold my flowers. Organising a hen night may have been beyond her - good job I choose not to have one.

NBLondon · 20 April 2017 at 8:58AM

What mojisola said - it's up to each couple how they arrange it, depending on what they might need help with and how many relatives/close friends they have. A lot of "traditions" do appear to have been made-up in the last 25 years by the wedding industry - or by journalists desperate to fill the space in wedding magazines (or the free paper industry's annual wedding season).

If you go back far enough - in some cultures, the groom is supposed to carry off his bride by force and the groomsmen are his backup to fight off rivals (or disapproving male relatives of the bride). Asking a brother/cousin of the bride to be an usher is therefore symbolic that the marriage is a peaceful one.

In other cultures where the marriage is dynastic or based on land/wealth rather than choice, the chief bridesmaid is there to be a back-up if the bride fails to show up (or is suddenly discovered to be unsuitable). Hence, a married woman cannot be a bridesmaid (maid implies unmarried and assumed a virgin) but must be a matron of honour (matron implies married).

Which all means nothing these days of course...

Some families measure status by how big(expensive) the wedding is; how many bridesmaids and so on. So they possibly will consider it an honour to be appointed a role and expect work in return. If you're asked - you either go along with it or decide you don't care enough about the couple to play games. Or, sadly, if it's family, you might have to play along while hating the games.

Wedding party duties

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