Great 'Tips for financially surviving divorce and separation' Hunt

It is essential that you understand the meaning of "joint and several liability". This means that you are both liable for the whole debt accrued whilst the joint account operates, not half of it. This applies to rent, mortgages, bank accounts, cards and loans and Council Tax whilst you live in the joint property.

And you cannot divvy up joint debts between you to pay off in the future and pray that you ex fulfils their promise; if they do not make all the payments on time, your credit record is wrecked and the creditors will chase you through the courts.

Whilst the joint bank or card account is open, your ex can withdraw whatever they like and leave you liable for the debt.

So make sure you have a personal bank account, get you wages paid in and any DDs/ SOs set up and then tell the old account provider that all future debits require both signatures. Do not be mean and prevent your ex accessing money they have paid in, but make sure they do not leave you in the doo-doo.

well that's kind of fortuitous - going through it now! so here's my thoughts....
wisest words said to me - in buddhism, three evils are greed, anger and foolishness! so try not to be any of these. your stbx will possibly not react how you expect - no matter how amicable you think it will be, possibly they will be 'fighting their corner'. just try not to over-react (far far easier said than done!!)
sever joint finances as soon as possible. if you're staying under the same roof until it's all finalised, agree how you'll co-exist as house-mates (or house acquaintances as our son calls us).
put in a single claim for child tax credits and working tax credits where applicable. you will need to show that you have no financial connection (joint accounts etc) and that the separation will be permanent. you can do this even if living under the same roof - but no shopping/cooking/cleaning etc for each other.
we eventually agreed that all divorce/solicitor costs would be paid from joint savings then everything divided up.
avoid going to court if at all possible - it'll cost 4 figures just to look at the judge and say good morning. collaborative law is the path i wanted to use - it didn't work that way as my stbx chose a solicitor a few hundred miles away. it's cost us approx £6k.
additional wise words - if you reach the end of the process pleased as punch with yourself because you came away with everything you wanted ... it probably wasn't a fair outcome. Neither party should end up with everything they think they deserve.
Buying a house and doing everything by yourself, for yourself with only yourself to blame when it all goes pear shaped - scary prospect, but spending more of your life in a relationship that really isn't working is scarier still.
good luck to anyone who takes this incredibly brave step.

Candice

You are right; possibly the biggest saving in a straight forward divorce is to do the paperwork yourselves - think it is £380 for the nisi and £60 for the absolute.

However, I think it is essential that people get independent advice on the financial settlement, even if they do not use the lawyer to negoitiate the settlement.

We have seen a number of complete nightmares on this and other forums; the lady who had paid her ex to take on the mortgage on the joint tenancy house that he would inherit if she died and ignored another property that he had bought during their marriage because he was the sole owner for example. She thought she had willed the jointly owned house to the kids!

Spend a long time reading Wikivorce. It's a great resource and free.

Speak to a solicitor, I paid for half an hour with a good one near me, took all information they could possibly need. Although they basically told me everything I already knew it has meant that when 'Aunt Joan' or whoever tells you you are entitled to everything plus his socks, you can reply with certainty, no am I am not. I have had more arguements with well meaning friends and relatives about what I am entitled to than I have with my soon to be ex partner. And I don't need an arguement when I go and visit people, very often I just need a hug, some tea and some laughter.

If you have to live together until the house is sold then learn to bite your tongue. Try to respect your ex. Sitting there all evening in the same room laughing at texts from your new partner doesn't lead to a fun time at home either, take it upstairs and don't be as blatant, it's unnecessary. And seriously, don't bring someone else back.

Do not expect to be treated by others how you would treat them. Either in a good or a bad way. This goes for your ex and their friends and family.

As someone else has said, do not be greedy. Make sure your needs are covered. Hope you end up a bit better than that.

If you have children remember that you will be tied to the person you are divorcing for the rest of your life. So when all you want to do is scream, shout and swear just remember, one day you could be sharing a top table together and it would be nice to be able to enjoy that rather than hate every second.

Fault and behaviour doesn't matter in divorce. It just gets remebered by the parties involved.

You married the person and loved them once. Don't let bitterness and regret cloud your actions. Aim for always looking back on your behaviour and being proud of how you kept your head, not full of regret.

Agree wholeheartedly with the " staying on good terms / do not be greedy " comments , my own and my now husbands divorce could not have been more different, we were both the "at fault" parties, my divorce was conducted by adding up all assets after paying off all debts ( not just joint ones) and splitting the proceeds 50/50 with only legal advice re signing over the house to my ex. my husbands rattled on for a year longer ending up with both parties not speaking, the families at war, my husband bankrupt and very rich solicitors.

TRY, TRY TRY to keep things civil and organised, separate finances from children and deal with them separately, ultimately the fall-out can go on for decades if it goes badly.