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Shared house: how does everyone else manage?
top_drawer_2
Posts: 2,469 Forumite
hi,
You lot have given good advice in the past even when it has !!!!!! all to do with money really so thought I would come back and get some more - prefer it wasnt move out and get a place on your own as simply cant afford it at the moment. I know its long but I have tried to put everything in context etc.
I have recently moved into a shared house (with 3 professionals and a college student). I have previously lived in student accomodation and experienced all the normal problems but I am now having new ones too and the same olds too.
First of all when I mentioned I was ok with the college student using my milk as she didnt get her benefit money through as it was a bank holiday and she wasnt organised to have prepared for it (17 eh). I am now going through loads of milk and Im getting a bit p!ssed off with it, I havent managed to catch her yet but there is only me and her who uses milk. I just dont know what to say as I have never had to deal with someone taking the mick so badly (she is financially better off than me with all the grants etc she gets) but who I sort of feel ... not responsible but definitely not equal with. I would have been sooo quick to sort it with another uni student but just cant with this relationship.
Then there's the TV - sky is supplied and the college student (most of the probs relate to this person :rolleyes: ) she is only in college 3 days a week and spends the rest of the time in front of the tv, with all her college papers around her watching friends, holyoaks, sex in the city while doing her "work" on and off. She has hols at the moment and apart from going to see her bf yesterday hasnt moved from in front of the tv. We also have a male flatmate who comes home and also spend every night watching tv (with or without the college student). If one isnt dominating the tv the other is....
Then there's the bin/cleaning - there seems to be only me and one other female flatmate willing to change the bin, put the recycling out, tidy up etc. I thought this was a thing of the past ... student acc was much more basic and we were never around really. On Monday night I was so annoyed as the bin was already full at 9am so I thought I will leave it to her to sort (she was already in position in the lounge). But Oh no!! by the time I came home at 9 pm the bin was overflowing on the floor and myself and the other (willing) flatmate spent ages cleaning the floor, moving the dripping smelly and overful bin through the house (wheelie bin at the front of the house) while she continued watching TV!!. I did say something then but as so many of the problems relate to her I am starting to feel like I am nagging/moaning at her.
Then there is the sink ... the two above flatmates leave the sink piled full with plates and water, meaning to wash up you have to empty the sink or lift the bowl out and use the sink.
Other annoyances are leaving her washing in the washer when its doing NOTHING and her clean washing on the airer in the hallway (which is actually mine but I have always said before that the people I live with can use) and I have never had someone just be so annoying! and there's nothing in place for cleaning the bathroom.
I gather the landlord is new to this game (lol) and seems to be willing to deal with probs between residents - in student acc its was more s/he with the greatest physical/social/will power wins! I know that the willing flatmate emails the landlord a lot complaining. He rang me to check out some of her complaints and I declined to grass, especially since they were quite minor and I and the source of the complaints had no idea (college student!) and we had only just moved in (willing flatmate has lived her 3 months or so).
What does everyone else do in similar setups? What would you do in my situation
Many thanks!
Jen
You lot have given good advice in the past even when it has !!!!!! all to do with money really so thought I would come back and get some more - prefer it wasnt move out and get a place on your own as simply cant afford it at the moment. I know its long but I have tried to put everything in context etc.
I have recently moved into a shared house (with 3 professionals and a college student). I have previously lived in student accomodation and experienced all the normal problems but I am now having new ones too and the same olds too.
First of all when I mentioned I was ok with the college student using my milk as she didnt get her benefit money through as it was a bank holiday and she wasnt organised to have prepared for it (17 eh). I am now going through loads of milk and Im getting a bit p!ssed off with it, I havent managed to catch her yet but there is only me and her who uses milk. I just dont know what to say as I have never had to deal with someone taking the mick so badly (she is financially better off than me with all the grants etc she gets) but who I sort of feel ... not responsible but definitely not equal with. I would have been sooo quick to sort it with another uni student but just cant with this relationship.
Then there's the TV - sky is supplied and the college student (most of the probs relate to this person :rolleyes: ) she is only in college 3 days a week and spends the rest of the time in front of the tv, with all her college papers around her watching friends, holyoaks, sex in the city while doing her "work" on and off. She has hols at the moment and apart from going to see her bf yesterday hasnt moved from in front of the tv. We also have a male flatmate who comes home and also spend every night watching tv (with or without the college student). If one isnt dominating the tv the other is....
Then there's the bin/cleaning - there seems to be only me and one other female flatmate willing to change the bin, put the recycling out, tidy up etc. I thought this was a thing of the past ... student acc was much more basic and we were never around really. On Monday night I was so annoyed as the bin was already full at 9am so I thought I will leave it to her to sort (she was already in position in the lounge). But Oh no!! by the time I came home at 9 pm the bin was overflowing on the floor and myself and the other (willing) flatmate spent ages cleaning the floor, moving the dripping smelly and overful bin through the house (wheelie bin at the front of the house) while she continued watching TV!!. I did say something then but as so many of the problems relate to her I am starting to feel like I am nagging/moaning at her.
Then there is the sink ... the two above flatmates leave the sink piled full with plates and water, meaning to wash up you have to empty the sink or lift the bowl out and use the sink.
Other annoyances are leaving her washing in the washer when its doing NOTHING and her clean washing on the airer in the hallway (which is actually mine but I have always said before that the people I live with can use) and I have never had someone just be so annoying! and there's nothing in place for cleaning the bathroom.
I gather the landlord is new to this game (lol) and seems to be willing to deal with probs between residents - in student acc its was more s/he with the greatest physical/social/will power wins! I know that the willing flatmate emails the landlord a lot complaining. He rang me to check out some of her complaints and I declined to grass, especially since they were quite minor and I and the source of the complaints had no idea (college student!) and we had only just moved in (willing flatmate has lived her 3 months or so).
What does everyone else do in similar setups? What would you do in my situation
Many thanks!
Jen
0
Comments
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Having said yes once, she'll just think it's OK.
First of all when I mentioned I was ok with the college student using my milk as she didnt get her benefit money through as it was a bank holiday and she wasnt organised to have prepared for it (17 eh). I am now going through loads of milk and Im getting a bit p!ssed off with it, I havent managed to catch her yet but there is only me and her who uses milk.
You've only a few choices:
1] Stop buying milk
2] Get a mini fridge in your room and hide your milk
3] Tell her to stop using your milk now and you only said yes once as she was a bit stuck but now you're forever buying milk and can't afford it.
I wouldn't know how either. I'd opt for getting a mini fridge in my room.I just dont know what to say as I have never had to deal with someone taking the mick so badly (she is financially better off than me with all the grants etc she gets) but who I sort of feel ... not responsible but definitely not equal with. I would have been sooo quick to sort it with another uni student but just cant with this relationship.
I had a couple of lodgers a couple of years back. I had this. Ended up getting myself a portable TV in my room - and it was MY house.Then there's the TV - sky is supplied and the college student (most of the probs relate to this person :rolleyes: ) she is only in college 3 days a week and spends the rest of the time in front of the tv, with all her college papers around her watching friends, holyoaks, sex in the city while doing her "work" on and off. She has hols at the moment and apart from going to see her bf yesterday hasnt moved from in front of the tv. We also have a male flatmate who comes home and also spend every night watching tv (with or without the college student). If one isnt dominating the tv the other is....
Draw up a chart where you each make a mark against an item when you've done it. Then it'll be obvious to everybody who is doing it and who not and using the chart you can pull them up on it.Then there's the bin/cleaning - there seems to be only me and one other female flatmate willing to change the bin, put the recycling out, tidy up etc. I thought this was a thing of the past ... student acc was much more basic and we were never around really. On Monday night I was so annoyed as the bin was already full at 9am so I thought I will leave it to her to sort (she was already in position in the lounge). But Oh no!! by the time I came home at 9 pm the bin was overflowing on the floor and myself and the other (willing) flatmate spent ages cleaning the floor, moving the dripping smelly and overful bin through the house (wheelie bin at the front of the house) while she continued watching TV!!. I did say something then but as so many of the problems relate to her I am starting to feel like I am nagging/moaning at her.
In my opinion there should never be anything in the sink. Everybody should leave the kitchen as they found it, so the next person can find it in the same condition.Then there is the sink ... the two above flatmates leave the sink piled full with plates and water, meaning to wash up you have to empty the sink or lift the bowl out and use the sink.
Only thing you can do is whine again - and stick a horrid notice up saying "Please don't leave washing up in the sink because the next person can't get there to wash theirs up"
Grab your airer back and put it in your room. Get a plastic washing basket and if anything's left in the machine just empty it into the washing basket and leave it there.Other annoyances are leaving her washing in the washer when its doing NOTHING and her clean washing on the airer in the hallway (which is actually mine but I have always said before that the people I live with can use)
Buy stuff and keep it in your room.and I have never had someone just be so annoying! and there's nothing in place for cleaning the bathroom.
I'd grass now. However, you shouldn't be getting the landlord involved.I gather the landlord is new to this game (lol) and seems to be willing to deal with probs between residents - in student acc its was more s/he with the greatest physical/social/will power wins! I know that the willing flatmate emails the landlord a lot complaining. He rang me to check out some of her complaints and I declined to grass, especially since they were quite minor and I and the source of the complaints had no idea (college student!) and we had only just moved in (willing flatmate has lived her 3 months or so).
What does everyone else do in similar setups? What would you do in my situation
Perhaps you can get together with the other person doing all the work and run through some rules. Have a house meeting. Say you understand that there have been changes in the house and now's the time for everybody to air their whinges so you can all see where anybody's causing pain to others and get it sorted.
If everybody's coming out with gripes then it's easier to get yours aired.
Perhaps you could suggest a monthly house meeting "because we all want to live somewhere we like being"
In the longer term, sharing sucks. There's always somebody selfish or noisy or just annoying.0 -
Hi again,
I wish everyone was coming out with gripes; its just me and this one other willing flatmate, the other two are the messy scruffy tv hogging ones and we never see the 5th housemate.
Jen0 -
have a house meeting - talk to each other - clear the air - set up a rota - make a list of house rules - some folks actually need to be TOLD exactly what is required of them - and some folks are simply lazy ghets !!0
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What does everyone else do in similar setups? What would you do in my situation
Not write in such big letters.
Seriously I never lived with students after being a student because their lifestyle is different especially if you and everyone else in your house works Monday-Friday. It's worse if you are someone who also works on the weekend as well. So I would lump it for now and move out into a house of only workers asap.
With regards to the washing in the machine just chuck it in a black bin bag if you need to do your washing. The person will either get fed up with finding their stuff in a bag or ignore it. If they ignore it and leave it in the shared area then put it in front of their room door. If they moan just point out there are 4 other people in the house apart from them who need to use the machine and their washing is in the way.
With washing up just chuck drain the water out and chuck on the side. You can leave a note as suggested but it's unlikely to work as unfortunately some people never learn that their washing up is in your way and you find that they do this whatever place they live in.
Also if you find other people using your food then either don't buy it or keep it in your room.
With cleaning products have a meeting and agree a system of paying for them. The best method seems to be one of the organised ones paying for a load of it and then getting the money of people. If you do a kitty you will find someone in the house using it to buy stuff like milk, sugar, tea or coffee which they should be buying with their own money as half the house don't use them.
Oh and lots of people in shared houses are allergic to emptying bins. You can choose every method you like but they just won't empty the bin. The most annoying thing I've lived with is someone who didn't empty the bin but put their room rubbish in the main kitchen bin so it was full......
I have lived in good house shares where people pulled their weight. I think it's an age thing. Once people get to their mid-twenties and still can't afford a place of their own they start getting neater.I'm not cynical I'm realistic
(If a link I give opens pop ups I won't know I don't use windows)0 -
hi,
The big text helps me to see it - sorry if it offends!
There are three professionals living here and one college student. I work part-time and study (actual study involving quiet and the library etc) so it sort of fits in with my circumstances.
I can't keep milk in my room and I dont see why I should have to shell out for a fridge!
I am going to leave a note by the sink ... just please move Now as other people would like to use the sink...
Not sure what I am going to do re the bin ... but the list/tick system seems a good idea ...
Jen
0 -
Has the same proble with the dishes in the sink. Ended up buying plastic tubs, each a different colour, for each person so that if they didn't feel like doing their washing up, they could store their dirty plates etc in the tub in the kitchen until the time came. Also helps when you run out of plates to see who is slacking on the washing up and call them up on it0
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The 'clue is in the question' !
"There are three professionals living here and one college student."
That's the problem right there - mixed houseshares - professionals and students - just don't work. Share with other professionals, preferably mid-20s or older.
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I lived in a bedsit once where there were 6 separate self-contained bedsits and we shared two bathrooms. Each bathroom had a loo/bath/shower. There was a tick list system for buying loo roll.
When you bought loo roll you put a tick by your name.
As you passed the tick list to get to the bathrooms, you were constantly reminded if it was time you bought some or not.0 -
Should I ask the LL to chair it, I could do it but know that I would likely end up being disliked by everyone as I would be really fair so its better if some impartial does it...
The willing flatmates english is not good and she tends to rant ... she is usually right but she just keeps going on and on and on and on ....
The lad who hogs the TV is Never in the wrong and is very flippant (sick of his moans/quotes st8 from News of the World and co regarding everything from ethnic minorities to the unemployed). I think he would hold a grudge and the college student would just sulk.
We dont share plates (thank god!!) but a note above the sink sounds a good idea for now.
Jen0 -
Yes, I think that would suit everybody very well.Should I ask the LL to chair it, I could do it but know that I would likely end up being disliked by everyone as I would be really fair so its better if some impartial does it...
The willing flatmates english is not good and she tends to rant ... she is usually right but she just keeps going on and on and on and on ....
The lad who hogs the TV is Never in the wrong and is very flippant (sick of his moans/quotes st8 from News of the World and co regarding everything from ethnic minorities to the unemployed). I think he would hold a grudge and the college student would just sulk.
We dont share plates (thank god!!) but a note above the sink sounds a good idea for now.
Jen
Good luck.0
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