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[Gingernutmeg]

Hello, I'm just wondering if anyone could give me any advice. A close friend (who is Sikh) is getting married soon and I've been invited to the wedding ceremony. I'm not sure what the conventions are for Sikh weddings so if anyone can tell me anything I'd be really, really grateful - I have had a look online but I'd love to hear some personal experiences!

First off, what should I wear (I'm female btw)? And are there any 'rules' about what men should wear? Personally I'd love the chance to wear something traditional but would this be seen as odd? I'm assuming that there will be certain rules about covering body-parts etc, is this right? Are there any colours that I shouldn't wear?

Also, what are the conventions for wedding gifts? It is usual to take a present or is it more common to take money, and are there any guidelines as to how much this should be roughly?

Sorry to sound like a complete noggin but I really don't know what to expect! How long is the ceremony, and what actually happens - is there anything that I will be expected to do?

Thanks for any help and advice!

[elsien]

Can't help you with gifts, but some friends who went to a sikh wedding borrowed the traditional stuff off a friend, and said they didn't feel/look odd at all. Could you ask the person who invited you for more guidance?

[Gingernutmeg]

My friend just said 'wear whatever you like' lol ... not much help at all! She's recently sent me a picture of her 'civil' ceremony and she wore a sari, so I'm thinking that must be the right kind of traditional outfit. Like I said, I'd love to wear a sari although I've not got a clue how to get it to stay on

[LilMissEmmylou]

tell ur friend u would like to wear traditional dress and would she help you pick something and show you how best to wear it

I used to have a Sikh friend and she was always saying she wanted to put me in tradtional dress lol, i however never let her due to the fact i thought id look a bit daft haha.

Enjoy the wedding x

[Gingernutmeg]

Thanks for the tips!

[seashore321]

I personally would just ask your friend again what she would like you to wear and what is acceptable.perhaps ask her if she has the time to go with you and give advice. I don't think you should try to "fit in" because sometimes in being politically correct we b..lls it up big style.

All I know is that when I went to a sikh wedding I had to cover my head with a long scarf. Ask her what the protocol is as you do not want to offend her religion and go from there.

I wish her every good luck in her marriage and you as her friend.

[Gingernutmeg]

Thanks I think I'll try to organise a shopping trip with her - thankfully we live in London so there'll be plenty of choice. Offending anyone or looking like a total twit is what I'm most worried about, so I'll go and have a long chat and get her to help me!

[reehsetin]

where ever you are in london, you'll find a main area of asian shops if shes not able to go with you show you, pop down to the asian areas one day and pick out something you like the look of and they'll be able to show you how to wear it
i would maybe avoid a sari unless youll have someone on the day to help you put it on
trouser or skirt outfit would be a lot easier

then again if you really want to wear a sari you can get pre made ones, everythings styled the way of a sari but its actually a skirt - a LOT easier

[Gingernutmeg]

Originally Posted by reehsetin

where ever you are in london, you'll find a main area of asian shops if shes not able to go with you show you, pop down to the asian areas one day and pick out something you like the look of and they'll be able to show you how to wear it
i would maybe avoid a sari unless youll have someone on the day to help you put it on
trouser or skirt outfit would be a lot easier

then again if you really want to wear a sari you can get pre made ones, everythings styled the way of a sari but its actually a skirt - a LOT easier

Ooo, thanks for that - I was a bit worried because saris do look like a two-man job! I'm really looking forward to going

[Katra]

Hi Gingernutmeg,

I had a sikh wedding a few years ago (my husband is Sikh and I'm not). My mum wore a western style trouser suit with a headscarf. Most of my friends wore long skirts or dresses and covered their hair with pretty scarves.

We had a great mix at our wedding, lots of non-Sikh people there and everyone looked great regardless of wearing asian clothes or not, there is no strict code as long as your head is covered. When I go to Sikh weddings now I wear an asian trouser suit (long tunic style top and matching trousers) which are easy to wear and can be really gorgeous.

Men also need to cover their head. My brothers had a square of black cloth folded into a triangle and just tied like a bandana.

Gift wise it is traditional to give money. At the end of the ceremony in the temple we sat at the front and most of the guests queued and gave us money. Not everyone did this, some of my friends had bought gifts instead.

I hope some of that helps. Feel free to ask me any other questions and I can also ask my OH if I don't know

I'm sure you will have a fab time

[Donger20]

Hi,

You can download this little pdf which will give you some info about a Sikh wedding (the religious bit):

http://www.sikhspirit.com/khalsa/wedding.pdf

I wrote it a while ago as a handout to be given to people new to Sikh Weddings. Hope it is useful. It sounds a bit formal, but relax and you will enjoy the wedding. The actual ceremony is not that long - maybe half an hour - but there are often hymns sung and speeches etc. which will extend this. Hopefully, someone will also explain what is going on in English. Some Gurdwaras have also installed screens which display translations of the hymns that are sung.

There is no real dress code for a Gurdwara, only that you have to cover your head and remove your shoes. As you will be sitting cross legged on the floor short skirts are not practical.

If you want to wear something traditional a Salwar Kameez is best (A long top with loose fitting trousers). Even my wife would avoid wearing a sari at the Gurdwara because you have to sit on the floor. The advise above is best - ask a friend. Nice looking outfits can be pretty pricey because they are usually hand made - so if you can borrow one.....

About Gifts - she is your friend buy her something she would like. There has been a trend of people writing "no gifts please" or "no boxed gifts" on their invitations which usually means a gift of money would go down nicely, but even Sikhs are beginning to set up gift lists at departments stores these days!

Hope the day goes well.

D

[shallowpockets]

Hi here's my thoughts;

Gift - something personal is always appreciated as most people tend to give money and it would be nice I'm sure for your friend to have something as a momentoe of the wedding, perhaps you could give her a nice frame and then take an informal photo of you and other friends with the happy newlyweds and put it in afterwards.

Outfit - what about a long maxi dress/maxi skirt that would solve the problem of covering legs (a definate must in my opinion in the gurdwara) arms are fine on show.
Headscarf in matching fabric which could be brought from an indian fabric shop really cheaply and you could double it up as a stole afterwards. I wouldn't suggest you go down the sari route tbh 'cos they are quite hard work unless it's really light material and it's been put on correctly - if you really want to wear one ask whoever is helping you to have the sari pleats 'sewn in' because they can often come undone and it's going to be difficult for you to sort it out.

Good luck and anything else you want to know just ask.

[poorbabe]

I've come over all emotional 'sob'.

One of the reasons why I love this site is the help we give to each other. Group hug!

[karendb]

I'm English, married to an Asian man. I would usually wear traditional Indian clothes to an asian wedding. I've seen many westerners wear indian clothes and it doesn't look out of place at all. In fact, it usually goes down really well & you'll get some nice comments from the Indian ladies there! As far as I'm aware, you'll only need to cover your head at certain times, not the whole day and your "Chunnee" (long decorative scarf that goes with the indian suits) would suffice to cover your head when necessary. Copy what the other ladies are doing and you won't go too far wrong!

It's a great idea to ask your friend to take you shopping as the asian fashions change very quickly and you don't want to wear something that's really out of date. Don't forget jewellery as well. A LOT is worn on these occasions. Your friend might be able to lend you some of hers. Otherwise, ask - there's loads of Asian style costume jewellery you can buy to match your suit.

Also, don't forget to take some cash with you to the wedding, even if you're buying a gift. Have some notes and pound coins to hand. Money gets handed out like confetti at these weddings and you don't want to get caught short.

Otherwise, have a great time!

[Gingernutmeg]

Thanks for the advice everyone I'm still thinking about the outfit, but the Salwar Kameez sounds like a better idea than the sari. As for gifts, my step-father makes beautiful hand-turned wooden bowls which my friend has always admired, so I'm thinking of asking him if he'd make me one.

Anyway, thank you all so much and keep the advice coming!

[fantasmarifico]

Hi Ginger

I've been to many Sikh weddings so I can definitely help you out.

First off, what should I wear (I'm female btw)?

If you are going to wear western clothing, I would suggest a longer, flowy skirt or pants. If you are choosing an Indian style of dress, salwaar kameez = best choice.

A few pointers about clothing, choose:
- loose clothing that will easily allow you to sit on the floor
- something conservative as it is a respected place of worship
- something pretty that makes you feel good!

And are there any 'rules' about what men should wear?
- most men wear dress slacks and collared shirts with or without a tie or a suit
- some men wear the traditional “kurta pyjama” a long tunic with loose pants

Personally I'd love the chance to wear something traditional but would this be seen as odd?
- no, you will get smiles for sure! you will see lots of pretty hair dos under scarves, makeup and jewelry, so feel free to do the same.

I'm assuming that there will be certain rules about covering body-parts etc, is this right?
- generally both men and women cover their legs, and wear modest neck lines
- heads are covered out of respect (safe to say, cover your head before entering the main sanctuary of the temple where the Holy Scriptures reside and the wedding ceremony will happen and don’t worry about the head covering when eating in a separate room)

Are there any colours that I shouldn't wear?
- traditionally, beautiful, lively, vibrant colours are worn at weddings

The wedding may seem to go on for a long time (especially if you are not used to sitting on the floor) as there are speeches and other songs and hymns sung before and after the ceremony. But the actual ceremony of marriage begins when the bride, groom and their families rise for the standing prayer and ends when the congregation has received the sweet pudding.

A few tidbits:
- to keep the scarve on your head, attach to hair with a pretty barrette
- feel free to enter and leave when you need to except when someone is reading from the Holy Scriptures or when the couple is taking the 4 ceremonial rounds around the Holy Scriptures
- do turn your cell phone on silent

The pdf file Donger20 posted re: the Sikh Wedding ceremony is EXCELLENT. I would really reccommend printing it and taking it along to the wedding so you may get a deeper experience of the event.

Have a great time!

[thunderbird]

Sorry to butt in here, but I am going to a Sikh wedding in a couple of weeks and am a bit nervous about the whole thing and don't want to do anything wrong or offend anyone.

It is my brother's wedding and his fiancee is sikh.

They are having a civil cermony the week before and I have bought an outfit for that, now I'm not too sure if it is ok for the sikh ceremony?
I have a silk dress which is fairly fitted and goes to below the knee. Obviously I would not be able to sit cross-legged in it
I do have a triangular scarf that matches that I was going to take to put over my head.

I'm also concerned about our children, 2 boys; 7 and 5 yrs old. Will they have to wear something on their heads? I imagine it will be difficult to get them to keep them on if they do. Also, will they be expected to sit quietly for the whole ceremony?

Thanks in advance for any advice.

[Gingernutmeg]

I went to the wedding on Sunday and it was amazing - very loud lol!

We only went to the Sikh ceremony, not the civil one, and I wore salwar kameez. You will be expected to sit on the floor during the ceremony so it's a good idea to wear something that you can easily do this in (I think the ceremony lasted over an hour, so you do need to be fairly comfotable). If you do want to wear salwar kameez and you're not able to get to a shop, I can really recommend Utsav sarees. I got mine from here and despite it coming from India and being made to order, I had it about a week after placing my order. They have a live chat facility too (obviously it's on Indian time lol) which is helpful if you're like me and you're not entirely sure what you're doing.

Men do have to wear something on their heads too. At the ceremony I went to, there were boxes of silky 'headscarves' for the men available outside the temple, although these had all gone by the time we arrived. However, there were boxes of fabric pieces available and my partner wore one of these, but the headscarves seemed much easier to keep on so if you can get those them I think that'd be better. There were a few small boys there and they were all wearing something on their heads. You also have to take your shoes off when you go into the main room.

The ceremony was long, but it seemed ok for people to leave and come back in - I'd imagine that you don't do this during the prayers though. Men and women sat separately, although there were some little girls sat on their dad's knees so it seems like it's not as strict for children I was genuinely suprised at how well behaved the children were in the temple, they did sit fairly quietly through the whole thing.