4 kids and no money!!!

manhater · 15 May 2007 at 11:50AM

My eldest father managed to escape paying csa for over 15 years, finally they caught up with him and he signed on therefore leaving me with a cheque every 4 weeks for just over £4, WHAT AN INSULT!! eventually he went missing again and the cheques stopped i found out this is because he moved and started working again and not informing anyone.... not even the tax man (cash in hand). Well that was about 3 years ago and i have since received nothing at all, my son is now nearly 17 and he (on paper) owes over £40,000 to which i have bob hope and no hope of ever receiving.

I had 3 children from another partner who 2 years ago died, leaving me with no money (insurance or savings). I was horrified to find that because i was not married to this partner i am not entitled to ANYTHING!!

No guardians allowance or anything (to my knowledge).

Why oh why is this allowed, how unfair is that?
All because i didnt make a signiture of commitment on a piece of paper why am i not entitled to any supporting money for my 3 children. If i had married i would have widows pension and added extras, is not bearing their children enough commitment? i think you will find many dont make that commitment an easy decision, i would say about as much as marriage!!

I ended up losing my house, my job and my families lifestyle due to his death, and before you start shouting at the computer screen LIFE INSURANCE, due to the circumstances of the nature of death an insurance policy wouldnt have paid out anyway, i think they call that the small print.

I would love to hear if anyone else has had a similar experience or even if someone knew of an entitlement that i could claim for that i didnt know about, as we all know, authorities dont like to educate you on what your entitled to but only on the things your not!!

Rikki · 15 May 2007 at 12:00PM

Firstly a (((Big Hug)))

I don't have any advice on what you can claim but I too am a single Mum with a uncontributing ex and understand what you are going through.
Us women are made of stern stuff and you will cope and get through it. Just remember to smile and laugh especially in the hardest of moments.

Sarahsaver · 15 May 2007 at 12:02PM

I have had diddly squat from my sons' father. I learnt you cannot rely on these a*holes. As a single parent I had plenty of money on tax credits. I was better off then than I am now settled down with a good husband!

manhater · 15 May 2007 at 12:09PM

Thanks for your reply, i know by far im not the worse off, but i just find the whole system a complete joke!

I have friends who's ex's are more than happy to contribute and have done to a degree that i feel the mother is basically a spoilt brat, to find the csa get involved and mess everything up causing arguements that would never had been if they hadnt got involved.

Others who struggle to get even a pound they take forever to retrieve.

Beats me!!

kelloggs36 · 15 May 2007 at 1:19PM

Do you know if he owns any property, or is he just renting?

Sarahsaver · 15 May 2007 at 2:31PM

Beats me too what a rubbish system. The CSA sent me a letter recently wanting to know all sorts of things about my ex, who went in 2002 and is not allowed to so much as text me because of a harassment warning he received

They sound surprised when these to*Sers don't tell the dole office that they have children!
As I say I felt positively loaded when I was a single parent. Free school meals, council tax benefit, milk tokens, free college fees, and Tax credits that I got were definitely enough to live on after I got it out of my head that I should expect the maintenance.

affordmylife · 15 May 2007 at 5:11PM

Two points to make here. I work with someone whose husband died suddenly leaving her to support three boys. She returned to work full time to support them as she could only get widows benefit for one year and the amount that she was granted was taken off her income support and now off her tax credit so i dont suppose it would have mattered if you were married amyway!
Secondly talking about being positively loaded on tax credits there is a person on mse who is managing to pay off large debts to the tune of up to £800 per month out of child benefit and tax credits etc. If that is possible then they shouldnt be getting that money its not for debt repayment it is for managing to live and bring up children.
My current husband and i dont get any benefits but i do get maintenance from two ex partners and he has to pay maintenance for his two daughters so its swings and roundabouts there.

Sarahsaver · 15 May 2007 at 5:17PM

If they are getting that money then it is how it is, thats how the government have made it. Not to judge how they use it. Surely paying off debt is a good thing?
If they spent £800 a month on booze drugs and junk food that would be ok? Think not.
After an initial panic have a look at your finances and maybe you will see a light at the end of the tunnel. Many people I know, including family members just do not know what is available to them, or how much they can save by a few small lifestyle changes.

Hapless_2 · 15 May 2007 at 5:17PM

affordmylife wrote: »

Secondly talking about being positively loaded on tax credits there is a person on mse who is managing to pay off large debts to the tune of up to £800 per month out of child benefit and tax credits etc. If that is possible then they shouldnt be getting that money its not for debt repayment it is for managing to live and bring up children

That depends, if there are county court judgements then that is counted as income for paying debts as, unfortunately is DLA. Although it shouldn't be.

manhater · 16 May 2007 at 7:55PM

affordmylife wrote: »

Two points to make here. I work with someone whose husband died suddenly leaving her to support three boys. She returned to work full time to support them as she could only get widows benefit for one year and the amount that she was granted was taken off her income support and now off her tax credit so i dont suppose it would have mattered if you were married amyway!
Secondly talking about being positively loaded on tax credits there is a person on mse who is managing to pay off large debts to the tune of up to £800 per month out of child benefit and tax credits etc. If that is possible then they shouldnt be getting that money its not for debt repayment it is for managing to live and bring up children.
My current husband and i dont get any benefits but i do get maintenance from two ex partners and he has to pay maintenance for his two daughters so its swings and roundabouts there.

Though sympathetic to your circumstances of paying maintenance to an ex you have to remember that you are also someones ex who is getting paid, to which you should both be grateful that you receive any money from your childrens fathers, there are lots of people out there and i mean thousands upon thousands who receive nothing!! this is not a bonus that you receive/give maintenance but a thing that SHOULD be done. I dont think anyone who receives/gives maintenance should be patted on the back as this is THERE child to whom they equally bought into the world so why should the missing parent be able to walk around doing as they like when they like spending what they like whilst the parent left with the child struggles for baby sitters for work or nights out, holidays, outing, clothes ect, ect.

As for the person paying off £800 a month on debts with there child tax credits/income support i take my hat off to them, as do you honestly think this family have as much as a comfortable lifestyle as you seem to think they might have? which brings me to question if you have ever been unfortunate enough to be a single parent for long enough, out of work on benefits and struggle with a massive string of debt around your neck, i think not!

Please dont think i am attacking you with malace but it does enrage me when people think you are 'having it off' when you are claiming benefits.

I was working and earning £150.000 a year before the death of my childrens father, so i feel with all the tax over 10 years that i contributed i am more than entitled to my fair share from the state, though i know this is not everyones great fortune, you shouldnt tarnish everyone with the same brush who is claiming benefits...not everyone is a bum.

thesaint · 17 May 2007 at 7:55AM

Is your username meant to be offensive?

4 kids and no money!!!

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