Neighbour splitting up - needs advice

Whilst not taking this man's side don't forget you're only hearing one side of the story. As you say, from what you've seen he's "a wonderful man". Maybe you're not hearing the entire truth?

Anyway, I would have thought adultery would be considered unreasonable behaviour!? Failing that I'd guess that the things you mention may well count.

Based on what you've told us - I'd advise your friend to change the locks, take his belongings down to the dump, and ask him how he likes her unreasonable bahaviour !
Your friend may have tried to make the marriage work, but she didn't know that daddy was having jolly holidays with his kids, mistress and their child (according to her - hope he's sure it's his!). I would imagine a female solicitor would look on this kind of behaviour as totally unreasonable.

I divorced my ex husband because of him having an affair but I did not divorce him on grounds of adultery. I divorced him for unreasonable behaviour and listed the affair as the cause for this.

I really feel for your friend she is going to need your support over the next year and it sounds like you are doing that already. The sooner your friend sees a solicitor the better, she will have a clearer picture of what she can do and of course get the ball rolling on her divorce.

With regards to a financial settlement the solicitor will advise her that they both have to do a full declaration of all monies, assets and basically split them. Usually a good solicitor will get you more than 50% especially if you have children. Your friend may be entitled to legal aid, but be aware all of solicitor fees will be deducted from any lump sum you receive at end of financial settlement.

Unfortunately settling finances can be a very stressful time and will cause a lot of upset between a divorcing couple. My only advice for your friend is to keep focused, organised and not to worry. All of us single mums have panicked about our futures when we got divorced but believe me it always works out ok at the end.

Toots, I really feel for your friend. I'm in a similar situation (without a baby from the lady my husband had an affair with), but because I to tried to make it work and didn't instigate divorce proceedings within 6 months I have to do on the grounds of unreasonable behaviour or wait for 2 years.

Could you go with her to see a Solicitor? She must be absolutely devastated. I certainly would. You need to advise to try a get her head together and diarise at least the months where he said or did whatever it was. These accusations will be used as part of the divorce on the grounds of unreasonable behaviour. Everything you have mentioned in your post constitutes this. She really has nothing to worry about apart from trying to get her life back together and ofcourse get rid of this unfaithful and unloving man!

Best wishes to her.

Toots wrote: »

I am going to go with my friend to find out about whether she could afford to buy him out of the house and afford the mortgage by extending it. She's had advice from CAB solicitor but apparently he would have to agree to the %age and she certainly doesn't want him to have anywhere near 50% in view of what he has done.
She has been told she will bear all the costs if she is the one to divorce him. Is this true?

Hi, am really sorry for your neighbour - to find out someone you love and trust has been so deceitful hurts like hell (got ther t-shirt etc!).
Its good she has a friend like you to help her through it all.

Now a couple of practical points.
She will be able to get an idea as to whether she can take over the mortgage and extend it to buy her x2b out, but it will be ballpark figures because she won't know what sort of financial settlement she will be able to achieve.
Its hard to hazard a guess without any information but she should be getting more than 50% of the equity because she will caring and housing 2 young children - possibly up to 70% depending on relative incomes, pensions, other assets etc.
However don't let your friend get into the mindset that the financial settlement is ued in any way to punish her husband for his behaviour - divorce is no fault and what he has done won't come into the equation for anything other than the grounds for the divorce. This is particularly true if they end up going to court to settle.
The costs she has to bear are the court costs if she is the petitioner - plus her own legal fees. Not her x2b's costs. They come to several hundred pounds(the court costs that is). Her husband could agree to pay half of course if he has a mind to.