Getting money from my ex g/f.

Hobbin_Rood · 20 February 2007 at 6:42PM

Apologies if this is in the wrong section, if so can one of the Mods move please...

Long story which I'll try to cut down to size. My ex and I split up almost 3 years ago now, after 10 years together (childhood sweethearts). From 1999 we stayed together as a couple (with some breaks from staying together in between, as things got too heated but we were still in the relationship during these times).

I was the one with credit cards, so shared debt always went in my name (she found it hard to get credit due to being out of work for periods etc and she was also not very good with money, would spend a lot so I preferred it to be in my name so I knew what was happening).

We accrued quite a bit, as is so common these days. Both of us had periods out of work and stupidly we used my cards to cover bills and general day to day living costs, as well as using them to furnish our first flat which cost a fortune!

Just before we split up it was sitting at £7000 on various cards. She got a new job and asked me to stump up the money for a 2nd hand car to go back and forth to it which she'd pay back. Her new job paid well and I was working and in a perm contract so I thought nothing of it, that we'd really start to claw it back and get rid of the debt altogether eventually.

Right after I bought her that car she split up with me. It appears she knew what she was doing, had it planned to fleece me. So I now had £10k of debt and I realised how foolish I had been in putting the debt in my name.

She assured me she'd pay me back and I said I'd compromise with a 50/50 split (even though she was the ONLY person getting the benefit of the car). She agreed, I noted it in my diary. She did pay me £150 for a couple of months but even that was a hassle. But I still trusted her, though she wouldnt' leave me in the lurch after such a long time together.

Then she moved into a new flat so she said she couldn't afford to pay me for a while, and as I was the one with no leverage I could only agree. This went on for months until I realised she wouldn't be paying me back. She started to get nasty on the phone and telling me to eff off.

I even tried to reason with her family as we'd built up a connection as I'd been with her for so long. But they weren't interested (so much for that connection, eh?)

So it's only now that I am seriously considering taking her to court to get the money back. My question is, do I have a chance of getting it back?

Please bear in mind all the debt was in my name (apart from a time she got a loan on the fly but with a terrible rate so I consolidated it into my credit cards a while after I found out about it). There are no documents to prove that it was a "joint" debt. She even took all the paperwork for the car when she moved and has since traded it in for a newer model.

I can prove we stayed together as I still have some of her old documents which she was having delivered here well after she moved out (as she took a while to get her own flat and was staying with various families). In fact, I've been very stupid not to get a credit check as I really can't trust her and maybe she's up to no good using my address.

Anyway, could I take her to court to get this money back? Any idea how I would do this? I'm trying to book an appointment with CAB as I'm struggling to cope with the debt on my own and anyway I don't think it is fair to be shafted like this.

It was NEVER my debt alone, and she often bought stuff we'd initially argue about (presents for her family etc). It was ALWAYS agreed we'd pay it back jointly and other friends and family were very aware of this.

Please advise. If you need any more info, just ask.

LookingAhead · 20 February 2007 at 7:01PM

Hello there. (Love your user name by the way

)

I'm really sorry this has happened to you, you must feel awful.

But you aren't the first and you won't be the last so don't beat yourself up about it (if you are). You won't do it again!

I think if debts were all in your name then you cannot hold out much hope BUT I was going to suggest you get an appointment with the CAB to ask them, but see you are in the process of doing so. Good luck with that. Maybe they can shed more expert help.

Good luck matey and I hope we can help in other ways to reduce debt.

xx

sured · 20 February 2007 at 7:05PM

what la said!

MrsTinks · 20 February 2007 at 7:05PM

As for the debt then I fear if it's in your sole name it's your responcibility and not hers. As for the car - was the documents in your name or hers? Do you have a reciept for the purchase of the car? That could give you some leverage on getting the money off her for the vehicle... If none of it is in your name vehiclewise then she could argue that you gave ot to her as a gift... your word against hers...

If you are really struggling then speaking to CCCS and Payplan as well as CAB is probably a good idea...

I'm sure others will be along with more advise shortly

nevadagirl · 20 February 2007 at 7:27PM

Hello there,

Just to wish you well with whatever path you decide to take with this. Your story mirrors mine - right down to my ex getting a job, getting me to buy him a bike so he could cycle to work and then leaving me two weeks later, paying me his share of the debts for the first two months after he moved out and then refusing to pay any more. Apparently his new girlfriend told him that he had to start thinking of himself for a change. :mad: His parents also turned nasty with me, and actually demanded that I give him half of the furniture from my flat as I'd 'left him with nothing'.:mad: :mad:

I wound up with debt to the tune of £30k as he was studying for 80% of the time we were together. Once he graduated, he went straight into a great job and we would have been debt free within a year if he hadn't moved in with one of his new colleagues six weeks into the job.

I decided to bite the bullet and just get on with paying it myself. I don't think I could take him to court in Scotland, and if I did, I know what he's like, I'd end up getting £5 a month for ever, and I want to put this behind me and have no sort of tie with him. I've had to write it all off and try to look at it as a 'learning experience'. Not easy, but I'm not the first and I won't be the last.

Since he moved out, I've already paid off a third of the debt (in about 18 months). I'm now really determined to get on and do it as the old biological clock is starting to tick and I don't want him to ruin my chance of settling down and having a family as well as having to go without all the little things I see my other, debt-free friends enjoying. I didn't have a penny of debt apart from £6,000 student loans before I met him, and now £800 a month goes to servicing debts.

Having said that, you are in the right place if you want to get cracking on dealing with the debt yourself. You will get excellent support on here, and find yourself equipped with loads of practical ways to get that debt down.

Sorry for the epic post, but I hope it helps.

Best of luck, you can do it.

Hobbin_Rood · 22 February 2007 at 5:07PM

Thanks for the replies. L.A. - I did feel very hurt at first, but it has diminished to a fraction of what it was. No point in holding on to that pain, eh? And excuse my ignorance Tine but what are CCCS and Payplan (I'm in Scotland, do they cover up here too?).

I do fear that as I willingly bought all the goods and services on my own card(s) then I do not have a legal case to claim it back. It really would be my word against hers. Even the car was bought by me, and as I can't drive my name never went on any of the official DVLA / Insurance docs etc. I don't have the receipt for it, though that and the loan transfer will probably be in the credit card statements if I still have them (I've kept the last few years at least). And I said previously she has since traded in that car to upgrade to a newer model which would complicate matters.

It's been a nightmare trying to get an appointment with CAB seeing as I work 9-5 and I can't get through on the telephone line either. I do wonder if I'm just wasting my time even thinking about trying to claim it back through the courts, as it's so unlikely I have any chance at all. Worth finding out I suppose.

Another option I was thinking of was going to a solicitor and getting them to fire a warning letter off. Any idea how much this costs or cheaper ways of doing it? Or how about legal aid, I'm only £14.5k pa in a single person household. I could ask them to write requesting that she contact me to arrange to repay the monies or legal action will commence. Knowing my ex she wouldn't cave in over one letter, but it would certainly give her a scare.

Either that or just give up and keep paying it off as I have been. For the record I've got it down to under £7k now and I'm just managing to keep my head about water. I have very little money left over and simply can't go on holiday or afford to have any large outgoings at all (in fact I've been lucky to have been donated a TV / washing machine / hoover and mobile after the previous ones broke down over these last few years!). I could really do with the £4.5k I reckon she owes me.

Nevadagirl, that's a shocking story. I thought mine was bad. Yours is far worse, in terms of the money owed but as you say nearly identical in how it happened. Unbelievable to think they could do that isn't it?

And your comment about his new g/f:
“Apparently his new girlfriend told him that he had to start thinking of himself for a change”

I can believe some idiot would say that. My ex started hanging out with an old friend just before we split up and she is honestly one of the most vile, selfish people I have ever met. Not to put all the blame on her, but I bet she was filling my ex with similar ideas as she had just split up with a boyfriend and he had treated her badly. She probably said to her - “split up with him and think of yourself, we should be out there having fun being single”. They probably are...I saw her pal driving my ex's car just yesterday with my ex was in the passenger seat, big smiles on their faces...

Like you, I'm not getting any younger and I need to think about what I'm going to do career wise. If I want to retrain then it'll cost money which I don't have at present. I even feel like I couldn't have a g/f just now as I'd be too skint to do much with her. Best of luck with getting rid of your debt and it's great you are tackling it with some gusto.

Anyway, even though I am getting my debt down, I'm sure I could do better with the help of this place! I'm going to do a proper breakdown of incoming/outgoing amounts to try and tackle this in the best possible way.

thesaint · 22 February 2007 at 5:19PM

I don't think that you stand a chance getting this money back. I expect her to say the car was a gift(You could've been on the registration documents, licence or not).

The money, she will say that it was gifted and she paid for other things.

Get some free advice, but this happens all the time, and I am yet to hear of anybody winning a court case in these circumstances.

climbgirl · 22 February 2007 at 5:23PM

Sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but legally you don't have a leg to stand on. The debt is in your name and therefore you are the sole person legally responsible for paying it. Without any kind of written, legal documentation (a note in your diary won't cut it) to say that half the debt is hers, then you've got nothing. It's pointless taking her to court because it is quite simply your word against hers.

One thing it might be worth trying is a legal letter. It sounds to me like appealing to her moral side and conscience is a waste of time, she doesn't seem to have any desire to pay this back. But sending a legal letter if you can afford it might shake her up a bit and scare her into paying you back. It's the same sort of tactics DCAs use, but in this case I think it's justified! If she's got any brains she'll know it's a bit of a bluff, but it's certainly worth a try.

Other than that, there's not a lot you can do, you can't legally force her to pay. So I'd suggest making sure you can repay this debt yourself. No point in ruining your credit rating while you wait for her to pay her share...

Hobbin_Rood · 22 February 2007 at 5:29PM

Thanks for the frankness, previous two posters. I really think it's a long shot, but I still intend to look into the matter officially just to put my mind at rest. After I have it confirmed then I think I'll try the legal letter and then leave it at that - i.e. continue paying it off myself and do so with renewed vigour.

fefesaver · 22 February 2007 at 5:33PM

Hi Robbin Hood

Go and see a solicitor definately!!! You may well be entiitled to Legal Aid on your income (even though you may have to repay your legal costs if you recovered any money or property through their work) and at least then you could get some proper advice.

With respect to the car, DVLA documents/insurance etc are not proof of ownership. If you can prove you paid for the car from your statements or can obtain a duplicate receipt (if it was issued in your name) then you have a good argument for ownership. I know this because it happened to my boyf where car was registered in his ex's name at DVLA but he had receipt for it in his name and could prove that he had supplied the funds to purchase it. We transferred the docs at DVLA after a couple of solicitors letters. She may try to argue the car was a gift but it is certainly worth a try. Maybe you could then sell it and repay some of the debts.

Hope this helps a bit.

Tustastic · 22 February 2007 at 5:40PM

Hi Hobbin and well done for posting. I'm with the posters who believe that it may prove impossible for you to get any money back from this awful ex, but fair play to you for investigating the possibilities.
Before deciding to get a solicitor's letter sent, do try and foresee the consequences. If this woman is vindictive and inventive, she may decide to hassle you right back. This could be anything from having pizzas delivered to your door (unpaid for of course) to sending a solicitor's letter telling you to stop stalking and harassing her.
I'm not saying don't do it, I'm saying be prepared for the possible consequences.
Good luck

Getting money from my ex g/f.

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