dla dilemma

bambam_2 · 27 November 2006 at 6:53PM

Son has DCD and requires quite a lot of extra supervision and assistance e.g. 2hrs homework/unfinished school work each night (I have to scribe for him and I have to sit with him or he will do nothing). He also has difficulties with laces zips etc. and I have to supervise him while he dresses cleans teeth and so on (it would be quicker for me if I did it for him but he has to learn). Due to organisation and sequencing problems he is unable to carry out more than one instruction at a time and if he gets overloaded he just goes into a dream and does nothing until someone prompts him. (One class teacher persuaded me that he might have 'petit mal' and we had to go for lots of tests).

Now here is my dilemma. His private therapist suggested that I apply for DLA for him but I have never really thought that this was for someone like my son. I don’t consider him disabled and what I do for him is really just part of my role as a mother. She argues that the claim is for him. She points out that even if I continue to fund his needs while he is a child, the money could be saved to help him when he is older. For instance she points out that he will require far more driving lessons etc. than his peers when he is older.

So….. what would you do?

vizcacha · 27 November 2006 at 7:04PM

It certainly sounds to me that he may well be eligible for DLA. This site -

http://www.bhas.org.uk/dla/index.shtml

has a 5 minute test you can do to see if you would be likely to get it, plus lots of other useful info

I would definitely apply - why not? If you're entitled to the money I'm sure it would help both you and your son. Sounds like you work very hard to me and the money would be useful in all sorts of ways.

Good luck with it all

bambam_2 · 27 November 2006 at 7:53PM

The reasons I am unsure about applying are:

1. I don't want him to think of himself as disabled and if they need to see him he will want to know why. In fact even if they don't need to see him he will eventually find out about it.

2. I'm not sure I want him as a teenager thinking he can just live of benefits. We've always been a hard working family and very lucky with our health. My mum retired to help with the grandchildren when she was 75!

3. We have a reasonable standard of living - no debt, some savings, manage a holiday most years etc. Having read some of the previous posts there are people who need it more.

hjb123 · 27 November 2006 at 8:00PM

How old is your son now?

You can always apply and save the money for your son for when he is older. I can understand that you dont want him labelled as disabled but there are adults who work and claim DLA as they still need help and support to be able to work and carry out activities that others consider normal.

If you are happy to keep looking after him etc and you do get accepted for DLA you could put it in an account and tell him that when he is 17 or 18 he can have it out to pay for driving lessons or something with a significant meaning?

bambam_2 · 27 November 2006 at 8:11PM

My son is 9 1/2yrs old. I would definitely save it for him if I was to apply. That way it would be available should he need more hours tuition when he goes to high school (£25/hour at present - and that's cheap!). However, I am still not convinced that his is the sort of disability that the allowance is aimed at.
Sorry if I am slow replying - it's bedtime for the youngest and we're still doing some homework!

hjb123 · 27 November 2006 at 8:39PM

It may be worth getting some advice then from either your local Citizens Advice Bureau or Welfare Rights Service who will be able to advise you what you can apply to, how to apply for it and also to help you with applicatoin!

bambam_2 · 27 November 2006 at 8:54PM

I still have to get over the first hurdle of actually convincing myself that I should apply. His therapist had downloaded the form and filled in all the bits that she could - she gave it to me with his written assessment/diagnosis and a number of leaflets about DCD. I just have to answer a few more questions and sign it. I think my main worry is to do with him ending up on benefits. If he is still in receipt of this as a teenager will he be less inclined to stick at a job or even try to get one in the first place?

Glyndwr_2 · 27 November 2006 at 9:05PM

I'd say go for it. What have you got to lose? Your son is obviously used to seeing people (e.g. to get a diagnosis, therapist etc). Your therapist is ‘advising’ you to claim so will obviously support the application - ask, them use them as one of the ’reference’ people (sorry, can’t remember the term in the application). He/she may also look over it if you ask them - they’ll know some of the terminology to use & may point out things you haven’t included. Is there a support group for DCD which could help with pointers for filling it in?

At least make the phone call & get the application booklets to look over. It’ll normally be backdated to the date you phone the Benefits Enquiry Line (0800 882 200) and you have (I think - it’s been a while) a month in which to return it.

Not everyone gets it 1st time (even if entirely deserving) and not everyone gets asked to see their medical people. I've now got DLA lower rate care indefinitely following a medical earlier this year, but I had 4 years before that where I was on the same rate for set periods of time and no person I’d listed (e.g. GP, various consultants, physio, OT) was contacted to confirm anything.

Edit: you've posted since I started typing... I wouldn't mention benefits to him at this stage. If he asks questions, explain to him that (if you go for it/he gets it) it is to help towards extra costs involved with helping him - pay the therapist, do whatever (sorry, don't know about DCD to be specific) and getting help - as you said he may need tuition in the future.

bambam_2 · 27 November 2006 at 9:25PM

But does anyone not see that as a teenager/young adult he might use his disability as an excuse for failure. I am aware that this is already a danger because he knows about his problems but, if he is given financial assistance I worry that there will be less incentive to become self sufficient.

Savvy_Sue · 27 November 2006 at 9:30PM

bambam wrote:

But does anyone not see that as a teenager/young adult he might use his disability as an excuse for failure. I am aware that this is already a danger because he knows about his problems but, if he is given financial assistance I worry that there will be less incentive to become self sufficient.

Yes, I can see that. But I believe that if DLA is granted when you're under 16, it's always re-assessed at 16. So you might at that stage decide it's no longer appropriate, especially if your son isn't staying on at school / college.

And I wouldn't see it as a disincentive to working. If you have a comfortable standard of living now, there's no way that can be replicated on benefits, IMO! So you can continue to make the link between working hard and seeing the benefit of it.

Also, you're obviously doing a good job of making him independent. There are things it would be quicker for you to do for him, but you don't do them for him.

The thing is, if he gets a job, he may need extra help with that as well. He may not be able to travel independently, for example, so until he passes his driving test - and you might want to consider whether he will ever make a safe driver! :rotfl: - he might need to take taxis.

I don't know what DCD is. But DLA is there to recognise that there are extra costs with having a disability - in your case it sounds as if they're more to do with your time. But I would go for it. There's no guarantee you'll get it, and if you do there's no guarantee you'll get the claim renewed in future. If you don't need the money now then put it away for the day you do! The money is paid to you, not your son (although it's for your son's needs), so you don't have to pass control of it to him, so unless he gets it in his own right at the age of 16, he won't be able to rely on it.

I think that you'll teach your son not to rely on handouts, but getting help with poblems is a different matter. And that's what this is.

No-one tells you how to use this money. You have to give this son more time than other children of this age need for some tasks, so you can use the money to buy time for yourself and your other children, for a cleaner or more takeaways or anything that helps you care for your child. If that makes sense ...

vizcacha · 27 November 2006 at 9:39PM

bambam wrote:

I still have to get over the first hurdle of actually convincing myself that I should apply. His therapist had downloaded the form and filled in all the bits that she could - she gave it to me with his written assessment/diagnosis and a number of leaflets about DCD. I just have to answer a few more questions and sign it. I think my main worry is to do with him ending up on benefits. If he is still in receipt of this as a teenager will he be less inclined to stick at a job or even try to get one in the first place?

If you can use the money to help him to get more tuition and help he needs then he's more likely to get a job he enjoys and therefore be LESS likely to want to be on benefits.

I think if you present it as something intended to help him live as normal a life as possible (which is, after all what DLA is for) then it's an empowering thing, giving him more choices.

Make it clear to him it's for tuition and help for his future and not to be spent on anything else and hopefully he'll see it that way too.

I really hope you do apply.:D

dla dilemma

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