Advice on adoption in the uk

lindseykim13 · 4 July 2008 at 11:07PM

Before i start i have 2 children already and we are looking into adoption, being completly new to this where do we start? i have googled but seems to be a lot of different agencies ect from what i understand the child you wish to adopt has to be at least 2 years younger than your youngest. That for us means a child of under 18 months old. before we start any process and end up heartbroken does anyone think we have any chance of getting a baby in that age range? is it worth a shot? from what i have read we wouldn't get any priorty and likely to be put on a long long list.
With that in mind i want all my children to be fairly close in age so would only be able to wait for approx 2 years is it worth us going through the process? any advice apprectiated.

Oldernotwiser · 5 July 2008 at 9:12AM

As you're finding, there's a great shortage of babies for adoption. Are you from a racial minority or have you considered adopting a child with a disability? Alternately, you could wait until your children are older and look at adopting an older child or a sibling group.

Ophie · 5 July 2008 at 1:31PM

I think you may be thinking that you will get passed to be an adoptive parent quickly.... its not a quick process. The process of being passed could take a year or more, and then you have to find a child that matched with you and your family. Then there are the planning meetings prior to even meeting your child, then a period of getting to know them and eventually you bring them home.

For me this entire process took 2 years, and towards the end of last month, after having my daughter living with me for nearly 9 months the adoption was legalised (thank god).

If you are completely prepared for your entire family life to be scrutinised and relationships tested to the max, and your parenting of your own children and in particular the new child to come under the microscope then go ahead. It's very stressful.

If I can answer any more questions then don't hesitate to PM me.

Oldernotwiser · 5 July 2008 at 1:43PM

I agree with what Ophie says. I really feel that adoption may not be suitable for anyone who's rather inflexible with their attitude towards their family plans and that in itself will go against you in terms of being selected.

lindseykim13 · 5 July 2008 at 9:17PM

Oldernotwiser wrote: »

I agree with what Ophie says. I really feel that adoption may not be suitable for anyone who's rather inflexible with their attitude towards their family plans and that in itself will go against you in terms of being selected.

I'm sorry if you have taken me the wrong way i am not inflexable it is not me that said i only wanted to have a baby it is the current adoption rules my youngest is only 3. I thought that by offering to adopt a child in need rather than having more of my own i would be doing a good thing. Comments like that are not very helpfull and i should be planning my family who shouldn't? it is my choice to have all my kids be them adopted or not to grow up close in age i don't think that is a bad attitude.
Perhaps some people think that those who have their own birth children shouldn't be allowed to adopt. :rolleyes:

bluebell13 · 5 July 2008 at 9:21PM

Oldernotwiser wrote: »

I agree with what Ophie says. I really feel that adoption may not be suitable for anyone who's rather inflexible with their attitude towards their family plans and that in itself will go against you in terms of being selected.

Hey, that's a bit harsh! The OP was asking a valid question based on things she had heard.

I'm sorry OP, I don't know the answer to your question, but I wish you all the best. The news is always full of stories of children needing adopted families.

Oldernotwiser · 5 July 2008 at 9:39PM

LK123, I'm sorry if you found my comments harsh but I really feel that social services won't look favourably on prospective adopters who want to adopt a child to such a strict timetable. Their priorities are those of the adoptive child rather than the adoptive family. As Opie says, the adoption process is lengthy and can't be shortened to suit the adoptive parents' requirements.

I certainly don't think that people with their own birth children shouldn't adopt, although if I were part of a childless couple I might find it unfair if someone who already has their own should be given a very scarce baby. My comments about how you might adopt successfully were meant to be helpful, although you haven't answered them.

Bluebell, the papers may be full of stories about unwanted children but you'll find that they are older children, sibling groups, children with disabilities and those from ethnic minorities where parents are needed from the same background. In fact exactly the same children who I suggested LK123 might want to consider. There is an ENORMOUS shortage of healthy, white babies for adoption and selection is exceptionally rigorous, as you might expect.

seven-day-weekend · 5 July 2008 at 10:05PM

Some friends of ours adopted three brothers (took ages). A year later their natural parents had a little girl who was instantly put with a foster family although our friends wanted to adopt her too. The adoption was eventually finalised when she wast sixteen months old, even though the family had adopted her brothers.

So I don't think its a quick or straightforward process.

Good luck though, I hope you are successful.

lindseykim13 · 5 July 2008 at 11:07PM

Oldernotwiser wrote: »

LK123, I'm sorry if you found my comments harsh but I really feel that social services won't look favourably on prospective adopters who want to adopt a child to such a strict timetable. Their priorities are those of the adoptive child rather than the adoptive family. As Opie says, the adoption process is lengthy and can't be shortened to suit the adoptive parents' requirements.

I certainly don't think that people with their own birth children shouldn't adopt, although if I were part of a childless couple I might find it unfair if someone who already has their own should be given a very scarce baby. My comments about how you might adopt successfully were meant to be helpful, although you haven't answered them.

Bluebell, the papers may be full of stories about unwanted children but you'll find that they are older children, sibling groups, children with disabilities and those from ethnic minorities where parents are needed from the same background. In fact exactly the same children who I suggested LK123 might want to consider. There is an ENORMOUS shortage of healthy, white babies for adoption and selection is exceptionally rigorous, as you might expect.

To answer your questions i am white i am british and i can't do much about that. As for a disabled child it would depend on the disabilty and i would be prepared to look into that option.

As for a strict timetable what part of approx 2years sounded strict? what i am saying is i would be preapred to wait if i had a good chance of getting a child before my kids had flown then nest then i would go through the process. But if there is going to be nothing at the end of it all i will have been vetted and checked and scruitinized for nothing. I only wanted to find out some facts from people who had been there and done it.

What experience do you have of the adoption process?

I do expect it to be a long process but with nothing to show at the end of it i would be upset by.
i also woudn't expect to be put ahead of a childless couple! i am very lucky to have my own and wanted to adopt also. If all i will face is people telling me i have my own and i shouldn't want to be adopting what is the point in trying.

Oldernotwiser · 6 July 2008 at 12:21AM

lindseykim13 wrote: »

To answer your questions i am white i am british and i can't do much about that. As for a disabled child it would depend on the disabilty and i would be prepared to look into that option.

As for a strict timetable what part of approx 2years sounded strict? what i am saying is i would be preapred to wait if i had a good chance of getting a child before my kids had flown then nest then i would go through the process. But if there is going to be nothing at the end of it all i will have been vetted and checked and scruitinized for nothing. I only wanted to find out some facts from people who had been there and done it.

What experience do you have of the adoption process?

I do expect it to be a long process but with nothing to show at the end of it i would be upset by.
i also woudn't expect to be put ahead of a childless couple! i am very lucky to have my own and wanted to adopt also. If all i will face is people telling me i have my own and i shouldn't want to be adopting what is the point in trying.

I've been through the adoption process; I wouldn't have posted without knowing what I was talking about. I certainly never said that you shouldn't try to adopt, I was trying to prepare you for the difficulties you will face and to help you by making suggestions that could make things easier! Starting off the process by stating that you want to have a child that will fit neatly into your preconceived plans of spacing your family is unlikely to go down well with Social Services which was why I pointed it out to you.

There can never be any guarantee of success at the end of the adoption process. Even if all the training, vetting and reports are satisfactory there may just not be a suitable child available; you have to face that. Even when trying for a baby by natural means there's no guarantee of success! As I suggested, you'll have a far greater chance of success if you were to think of adopting an older child when your own children are a bit older. That doesn't mean that you won't be able to get a baby but it does improve the odds.

If I were you, I'd contact your local Social Services to see if you could have an initial discussion with them or you may find that they do general introductory evenings. This is often the best way to find out the current situation locally. I'm sorry that I can't say that it'll all be plain sailing with a happy outcome but that shouldn't put you off applying. Just don't shoot the messenger; I was trying to be helpful even if it wasn't what you wanted to hear.

Oldernotwiser · 6 July 2008 at 12:34AM

Just to add, The British Association for Adoption and Fostering have a really excellent website https://www.baaf.org.uk

Advice on adoption in the uk

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