Birthday party in a pub

Cazza · 21 November 2009 at 12:32PM

Yep, I wouldn't worry about getting involved in rounds. If I'm watching the pennies and I'm out with friends I'll just poliely turn down any offers to get me a drink and say that I'll sort myself out, that way I don't feel bad about returning the favour. I've never had any offish reactions to this! If you're not drinking then I reckon £10 or £15 should be fine for the night.

mogadon · 21 November 2009 at 12:48PM

As Cazza says you can politely turn down any drink offer that could end up with you having to buy a round. The other way is to make sure your glass is always full, doesn't matter if it's lemonade or just water, but that way you can politely refuse any drink offered.

mogadon · 21 November 2009 at 12:52PM

also, if you get there and you really aren't enjoying it, try to stay till at least 9 if you can, 9.30 would be better, unless lots of people leave early and you can blend in with them. Don't feel obliged to stay till the end if you don't want to. Do say goodbye to the birthday boy before you leave.

notsayingaword · 21 November 2009 at 3:15PM

If you don't want to go then you don't have to - chances are they won't even notice you're not there! Just say thanks for the invite but I have other plans! You can always pop a birthday card though their letter box if you feel bad about it.

PasturesNew · 21 November 2009 at 3:27PM

I'd get a card and a small gift (under £5/token gift). I'd turn up about 8ish, I'd walk in and try to spot them. I'd hand over the card/gift, offer to get them a drink (they'll usually have one already), then that'd be it.

I'd then get to the bar, buy my own drinks, find a seat. I'd expect there to be a buffet put on. If it's that age group then there'll be lots of women that will have made sausage rolls, sandwiches and sausages on sticks etc. Certainly there'd be a cake.

I'd expect it would be in a small/back room of the pub, not in the main bar.

I'd be polite, I'm not outgoing though so wouldn't be initiating conversation ... at some handy moment I'd decide to find them and say "goodbye/thanks" and leave. I'd try to stay as long as I could manage, but I am socially challenged and it's all awkward. But I could probably manage until 10pm if I'd managed to get a good seat. A good seat is: back against the wall, in a corner, somewhere to put my bag, direct line of sight to the buffet table.

BitterAndTwisted · 21 November 2009 at 3:32PM

Eh, sometimes the most unpromising-sounding invitations can turn into the best fun. Look at it as an opportunity to meet some nice, new people in a neutral setting who you might not have had the chance to meet otherwise. As previously said, if you're not drinking alcohol you don't have to feel obliged to get involved in any rounds with other people, save for offering the host a birthday drink and if you find it too much of an ordeal you can make your excuses and leave after an hour or so.

LegalBlonde · 21 November 2009 at 3:43PM

I just really wanted to wish the OP luck, my heart went out to you in your first message, I am sure around 90% of people feel the way you feel about these things but you are just so refreshingly honest about it all it really did inspire me.

Then I also wanted to say to everyone underneath all of your advice is so great and you are so nice and encouraging it really warms my heart.

Anyway, all I would add is that in my experience I would rather be a bit late than whittle about getting there early/not many there etc etc., with drinks if you say you are driving or oh no I am fine thanks, whatever you are comfortable with, people are always fine with this.

When you are at the bar or queue for food etc there is bound to be other people on their own and as it is another person's birthday you can easily say "so how do you know x?" to start a discussion.

They obviously want you there if they invited you and if you don't go out much I think they will be really touched you went.

I hope this helps and I will be logging on to see how it went

whiteguineapig · 21 November 2009 at 3:56PM

just a thought , i think i would get there about quarter to then if you feel a bit nervy watch for someone else arriving, you can always park the car in the car park then be on the phone till someone else turns up in their car , you can just follow them in then and hopefully they'll be going to the same party (just thinking maybe you don't want to go in your own)

editing to add that i'm sure you'll be ok, if you want to leave go when someone else goes

princessamy86 · 23 November 2009 at 5:09PM

:hello:Hi downshifter. Just checking back to see how it went at the party? Hope you had a good time.

downshifter · 23 November 2009 at 5:35PM

Thanks PrincessAmy. It was fine but unexpected. For a start the event - or should I say the happening - took over the whole pub, all 3 rooms. There was a live band. The pub put on its normal carvery - 3 choices of meats, a fish one and several veggie and salad options - the queue was huge. I was introduced to another neighbour so stayed on that table all night even though the neighbour got very drunk very quickly. There was a stripper or something similar though I didn't see that bit as I was in a different room. I made a bit of a pillock of myself by introducing myself to a couple and asked how they knew the birthday boy, - turned out they didn't and had just popped in for a drink not realising the pub had been turned over to a private party. Ouch! I left at about 11.30, only to find myself blocked in the carpark while a fight was going on - I sat tight in the car until the blood had been let and found the barman who knew the owner of the other car. Escaped and got home at midnight!

Anyway, I survived, the neighbour had a good birthday, I'm sure it went on till Sunday lunchtime, no-one else was leaving when I did. That's my socialising over for the next year though, it wasn't my idea of a good time (apart from the food) but as I said, it wasn't about me and the birthday boy was obviously in his element.

Thank you all so much for the ideas and giving me confidence, I nearly chickened out. It is very hard for a woman alone going to things like this...

DS

Birthday party in a pub

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