I want a baby!

sammy_kaye18 · 15 September 2007 at 6:11PM

Hi all, Im really depressed at the minute - ive just go tback form visiting my sister and my new 2 day old niece in hospital and im so unbelievably jealous. Ive always wanted a second child and my only son (3) started school this week an dive been really depressed because there is no child in the house now and it makes me sad. Then my sister had her baby yesterday (unplanned preg) and i am so unbelievably jealous and depressed becuase im longing for another baby now that mine is not so babyish and then i had to visit her. Financially we are stable - we could afford ot have another baby if bf would stop making rash inappopriate purchases on pointless things, but he has another son (aged 6) so he has two children and doesnt want anymore but im so miserable i really could burst into tears because i want one so desperately. He use to say when ben starts school or when my debts paid off (he owes abotu £10,000) but he doesnt do anything to pay them off or forgets to pay them off a fair bit.................................Its tearing me apart. All i want is one more baby. I dont want to get married, I dont want a house, I dont want anything and ive never ever asked him for anything except a baby and he said no and it really breaks my heart. He says we dont have the money but its me who has financially supported my son all his life, every gift, every tin of milk, all the nappies etc was me. I raised my son and i will continue to do so, financially by myself! So i dont see why this baby would be any different. God i want to cry

consultant31 · 15 September 2007 at 6:27PM

Be grateful you have a healthy, happy little one at home.

I know it's not what you want to hear, but there are so many women who are desperate for one baby and can't even get that.

If you're meant to have another baby, it'll come when the time is right.

dawnydee73 · 15 September 2007 at 6:40PM

sammy_kaye18 wrote: »

All i want is one more baby. I dont want to get married, I dont want a house, I dont want anything and ive never ever asked him for anything except a baby and he said no and it really breaks my heart. He says we dont have the money but its me who has financially supported my son all his life, every gift, every tin of milk, all the nappies etc was me. I raised my son and i will continue to do so, financially by myself! So i dont see why this baby would be any different. God i want to cry

It is a big decision to make and you both have to be ready for another. I know you won't want to hear this but maybe this isn't the right time just yet, did I read a thread the other day that you were thinking of leave your partner.

Merlot · 15 September 2007 at 6:41PM

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How do i get it through to him??
Hi AllMy partner of 5 years is really pushing my buttons lately.Ok it started he was emailing a woman form work, hes a driver and i thought she was a secretary (came to find out she is actually a driver too).anyway they started emailing each other about a month ago, and have spoken nearly every night on the computer since, she only works with him 2 days a week. Anyway he says its because shes a nice girl and they have loads in common which hurt me alot becuase we have been together 5 years and now he seems to be more open with her and talk to her more than me.Anyway about 3 weeks ago he decided he wants to go on a photography course which he told me was an after noon course, ive since found out that the woman hes been emailing is going on the same course and its an evening course - well 4 - 8pm every week. My bf asked me if i honeslty had a problem with him going on the course with her to which i replied Yes. but he refused to listen to me so our relationship is getting strained.I know some people will say its trust issues but when i was pregnant with our son he left me and jsut disappeared off the face of the earth, noone knew wherehe was not even his own mother and i was 4 weekes pregnant, he didnt come back until i was 5 months gone and he has been wth me ever since. He does email other women ont he computer (mainly his ex becuase they have a child together and women in america who hes known since before we met) but i jut find this woman he works with bugging me and i cant get it out of my head. He jsut will nto listen.its to the point i feel like taking our son and not coming back because i dont think he will listen - ive tried talking to him and he says oh im being stupid, he loves me etc but then other days he calls me names , says im a stupid c*nt, im thick, i cant look after our son. Im incompetent etc and its so demoralising that i feel i have no self worth but i dont know if im brae enough to leave him. I look after his son and his step son on a weekend, i pay all the bills he contributes £200 towards the house and thats it.i jsut feel so low, i want to try and get it through to him one last time that ive really had enough and he needs to listen to me and take my feelings into account. I realyl cant get the idea of him and this woman out of my head, he tells me shes engaged with a child but to me that means nothign becuase my mum was married 17 years with two kids and still had an affairCan anyone please help me? Ive even had his mum try and get the message through to him that i feel like leaving. His response was 'oh i wish she'd go already, shes paranoid about me emailing @@@@@'. and his mum said be careful what you wish for or she'll walk, and he basically went 'yeah yeah ok then'

Spirit ... has fifty times the strength and staying power of brawn and muscle.

Sammy_Kaye18, I have just re-read your other thread from a few days ago, and you want another child with this Boyfriend?

Personally I don't think its the right time for you to have a baby with this BF and you are feeling broody just now after visiting your sister, please take sometime and consider if having another child would be a wise move.

Merlot

Bogof_Babe · 15 September 2007 at 6:54PM

I hope this doesn't sound unfeeling, but I think your longing for another baby is in some part to fill the void left by your failing relationship Sammy.

Being realistic, another baby at this stage will do nothing to sort out the existing problems, and will only add to them. Especially if your partner says he doesn't want another child.

You are very young still, considering what life has thrown at you, and there is no rush. What you need now is breathing space to sort the overall situation out, and trust me you will be glad there wasn't another innocent little soul caught up in it when the crunch comes.

Reading your other threads, the crunch will come. My personal feeling is that you are far too good for your present partner, and I don't see that you owe him any loyalty. He has hardly been supportive, and it sounds like he is becoming more like a millstone than an asset. You owe it to yourself and your existing child to think very carefully about your future.

You are a fine, inspirational example of all sorts of things, both money saving and attitude to life. Please I beg you don't become trapped in a downward spiral and waste all your potential.

[Deleted User] · 15 September 2007 at 7:44PM

You say financially you can afford it, but then you say he has debts of £10K and not doing anything about it. You are also concerned about his friendship with another woman. Yet you want another baby?

trace_567 · 15 September 2007 at 7:45PM

I can understand how you feel and the jealousy.

I have no children and will likely never get any, despite the one and only thing I want from this life being to be a mum, and to hear a hear that word "mummy" said to me.
There are countless reasons why I will likely never have children, health reasons, fertility issues, and the fact that adoption is 100% out of the question due to housing issues, money issues and health issues.

I have recently had to completely break all ties with my sister, after she annouced that she was trying for children. My reasons were that to be honest if I was to have to watch, see, or hear all about her having a baby it will likely at this moment in time kill me. It has broken my heart many times over the years having to watch every one of my friends produce children.

I really can understand your feeling of jealousy. However you really need to stay focused on what you do have.

ceridwen · 15 September 2007 at 8:01PM

I will echo the others - and say please dont decide to have an "unplanned pregnancy". Think of your existing child. Think of the life any "unplanned" baby would be born into. Think of the fact that your relationship would almost certainly finish - if he hadnt had his say in whether there was to be another child or no. I doubt he would forgive you readily if you decided to have an "unplanned pregnancy". I know it sounds harsh - but life is harsh .. for all of us . ..unfortunately. A childs welfare must be paramount - and every child deserves a father (ie a proper father - not just someone who provided the missing "biological" ingredient).

princesstippytoes · 15 September 2007 at 8:10PM

I think its empty nest syndrome that your feeling. Your son is out of the house and your missing him. After reading your other thread http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.html?t=546641 it doesnt sound like its the best relationship to bring a new baby into.

You have posted some threads about being very stuck for money where you cant afford to buy food. Do you honestly believe you can afford another baby or is your heart ruling your head?

Only advice I can give is to think very hard about what the reality will be like.

Zara33 · 15 September 2007 at 8:29PM

TBH i think you are a very confused individual:
http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.html?t=546641 (how do i get it through to him 07/09/2007)

http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.html?t=522261 (Thinking of becoming a single parent 07/08/2007)

And now today you want a baby with him

tbh i think that's the last thing you should be thinking about having at this moment in your life.

Spendless · 15 September 2007 at 8:49PM

sammy_kaye18 wrote: »

He says we dont have the money but its me who has financially supported my son all his life, every gift, every tin of milk, all the nappies etc was me. I raised my son and i will continue to do so, financially by myself! So i dont see why this baby would be any different. God i want to cry

I read your thread and was about to post about talking to your bf and sorting out debt, then I read this bit just you pays for everything

is that correct? Doesn't sound very fair to me.

Has your 3 yo just started nursery? I came home on my 1st day of sons nursery and gazed at my then 6 month old daughter and thought I am so happy to have you at home, otherwise I'd be really upset. Roll on another 4 years and I have finally after got her to f-time school. As much as I love her, I was glad to eventually get some time for me back.

I want a baby!

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