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Huge Gambling debt from OH. Sell house

kellyoak
kellyoak Posts: 7 Forumite
in Debt-free wannabe
My now husband (for 4 weeks now) has gotten us into over 50k of gambling debt since our first child was born 4 years ago. We have managed OK up until the bombshell before our wedding that he is a further 25k into debt, this being after we remortgaged and borrowed ontop of our mortgage 15k in Jan to try get rid of the bulk of the debt. Now, we are in a situation where we have no money left to save each month, our bills and debt are £3397 pm, (over 1k of that is the new debt) and £650 mortgage. We have around £800 left pm now. I am trying to persuade him to sell the house, pay off £25k on his debts and have £20k for deposit, the mortgage will be £900 which I know is alot more than the current, but it's better than being in debt and paying over 1k pm on it, surely? I am scared that in a year we'll be further in debt. For some reason he won't transfer the direct debits to our joint account and won't pay his wage into it. He will only pay what I need to cover the bills/living expenses. In my mind, I just think sell up, pay debt, start again and I control all finances. But I don't know how to ensure he doesn't gamble on online sites anymore and take out more credit cards and loans. Is there a way of stopping this? I am so stressed out, I work long full time hours and still have a 2 year old and little boy in reception. I don't know why he can't just be happy with what we had, we were on fab money and planned holidays etc and now he's ruined it all and had to put 4k of debt on a credit card to pay off the wedding :( and then he wonders why I am so miserable half the time.
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Comments

  • CentiaRoyal
    CentiaRoyal Posts: 22 Forumite
    Has he admitted he has a gambling problem? Do you think it is worse than he is letting on? The fact he is hiding his affairs suggests it could be worse than you fear and he needs help. I think this should be the first step, maybe alongside the debt but if his gambling addiction (if that is what he has) isn't cured then no amount of jiggery pokery of your finances will help.
  • D_M_E
    D_M_E Posts: 3,008 Forumite
    First Anniversary First Post Name Dropper
    Just a quick word for now:

    For a start, DO NOT open any joint bank accounts or joint financial anything and do not sign any loan agreement which makes you a joint borrower with him, and do not in any way become a guarrantor for any loan.
  • Mojisola
    Mojisola Posts: 35,562 Forumite
    First Post First Anniversary Name Dropper
    kellyoak wrote: »
    I am scared that in a year we'll be further in debt.

    For some reason he won't transfer the direct debits to our joint account and won't pay his wage into it. He will only pay what I need to cover the bills/living expenses.

    But I don't know how to ensure he doesn't gamble on online sites anymore and take out more credit cards and loans. Is there a way of stopping this?

    Not until he has seen the light and works hard at fighting his addiction - even so, there will always be the possibility that he will relapse in times of stress.

    The high he gets from gambling is more important to him than you or your children.

    I wouldn't have any account that linked me financially with an addict - that's likely to affect you in the future. :(
  • kellyoak
    kellyoak Posts: 7 Forumite
    We have a joint mortgage too so I am guessing we are tied? I'd never co sign anything now. I felt sick when I had to sign away 15k of the equity in Jan but I thought that after nagging and warning him for the best part of 6 months that we wouldn't be in the situation again. Now he's just had the cheek to message me and say we need to start focusing on what we have, not what we don't!!! I've just excluded him from gambling sites and I'm guessing since it was successful that he hasn't already done it! Not sure how I go about him not obtaining more credit!
  • kellyoak
    kellyoak Posts: 7 Forumite
    Yes, he says it's a gambling addiction and promises me he won't have control of money etc, and then few weeks pass and it's " no, I never said that, I give you money towards the bills, I'm not giving it all to you"
  • Tallaght
    Tallaght Posts: 1,632 Forumite
    Eighth Anniversary First Post Combo Breaker
    edited 26 November 2018 at 4:08PM
    Try to get husband to 'self exclude' himself from more gambling websites.Basically he could ban himself from each one for life.
    Also show him this site https://www.gamcare.org.uk.
    Good Luck.
  • Why_oh_why
    Why_oh_why Posts: 515 Forumite
    First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Post
    I know I am repeating pretty much all the replies so far but don't do anything until he is ready to admit there is a problem and he takes serious action to try and rectify it.

    There are definitely ways to overcome this BUT ONLY IF HE IS WILLING TO TRY!!
  • Tallaght
    Tallaght Posts: 1,632 Forumite
    Eighth Anniversary First Post Combo Breaker
    Does he also use high street bookies ? The problems start when punters start to 'chase their losses'.
  • Willing2Learn
    Willing2Learn Posts: 6,294 Forumite
    Ninth Anniversary Name Dropper 10 Posts Photogenic
    Would your husband agree to counselling? The gambling is just a method he uses to manage and cope with the stresses of life. Sometimes talking therapy can be a successful way to address these issues :)
    I work within the voluntary sector, supporting vulnerable people to rebuild their lives.

    I love my job

    :smiley:
  • DCFC79
    DCFC79 Posts: 40,606 Forumite
    First Anniversary Name Dropper 10 Posts
    Apologies if you have said it OP but is he getting help for the addiction ? You dont want to start afresh and hes still gambling.
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