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    • Charleyalmostking
    • By Charleyalmostking 12th May 18, 2:50 PM
    • 147Posts
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    Charleyalmostking
    How small is too small to raise a baby? (For future reference)
    • #1
    • 12th May 18, 2:50 PM
    How small is too small to raise a baby? (For future reference) 12th May 18 at 2:50 PM
    I'm not pregnant or looking to have a baby yet but me and my fiance have been talking about having our own little family a lot recently and I "yearn" to have his kids more and more.

    He'd like to be married first which I understand and respect as his parent's aren't married themselves but 'practically married' as they have been together since they were teens (their now in their 40's) and have been engaged for many years. And I want them to have his name.

    But I was just having lots of thoughts about starting a family.

    I was thinking ; Do we save for a house deposit and buy a house together before we have a baby

    or do we just try for a baby in the current house we are in?

    My fiance isn't fussed about which comes first . He just wants to marry me before.
    He keeps saying multiple times a day he wants my babies (lol)

    But I'm just asking out of curiosity ; how small would be too small to raise a child? Our house is 42meter squared.

    We have an okay sized Living room but a very small kitchen and our bedroom can fit 2 desks & a king sized bed in it and has built in storage cupboards that we use as wardrobes.

    Our bathroom is a small square with little storage room however we do have a good sized space storage cupboard under the stairs.

    We have a shared back garden with our neighbors with no fence (we aren't allowed to put one up as far as I'm aware but it doesn't bother us anyway... we respect each others "sides")

    I'm sure many people have coped in tiny rooms but I always get scared about if i can provide for them in the size we have. Funny though, as I work with kids.

    Also; not asking to rush into anything because of my past family issues but it's just been on my mind a lot and just wanna clear my worries up.

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    Last edited by MSE Andrea; 17-05-2018 at 10:07 AM.
    Wedding Fund: £1107.23 / £2,500 Xmas'18: £100.00 / £300.00 Emergency Fund: £100.00 / £1,000H2B ISA: £30.50
Page 1
    • svain
    • By svain 12th May 18, 2:54 PM
    • 368 Posts
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    svain
    • #2
    • 12th May 18, 2:54 PM
    • #2
    • 12th May 18, 2:54 PM
    Not impossible in a 1 bed place .... but much easier/nice environment if you have at least a second bedroom
    • moneyistooshorttomention
    • By moneyistooshorttomention 12th May 18, 3:06 PM
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    moneyistooshorttomention
    • #3
    • 12th May 18, 3:06 PM
    • #3
    • 12th May 18, 3:06 PM
    If your parents are only in their 40s - then you are certainly young enough to "have time on your side".

    Get the house first - then have a baby or two if you want.

    I never think it's very fair to a child to be living in short-term rented accommodation, then move to other short-term rented accommodtion and so on. They need stability - fixed home/fixed school/chance to make friends.
    ****************
    • gettingtheresometime
    • By gettingtheresometime 12th May 18, 3:11 PM
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    gettingtheresometime
    • #4
    • 12th May 18, 3:11 PM
    • #4
    • 12th May 18, 3:11 PM
    We had our son when we had a 2 bedroom bungalow which in reality wasn't much bigger than a 2 bedroom flat.

    As a newborn it was bearable but soon his stuff overran the place.

    One solution as to which comes first maybe to put aside the difference in income between before & after children and see how easy it would be to save for a bigger deposit / pay a bigger mortgage
    Lloyds OD / Natwest OD / PO CC / Wescott / Argos Card cleared thanks to the 1 debt v 100 day challenge


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    • pollypenny
    • By pollypenny 12th May 18, 4:05 PM
    • 24,655 Posts
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    pollypenny
    • #5
    • 12th May 18, 4:05 PM
    • #5
    • 12th May 18, 4:05 PM
    Here we go again. Mountain out of molehill or bridge crossing before it is even in sight.
    Member #14 of SKI-ers club

    Words, words, they're all we have to go by!.

    (Pity they are mangled by this autocorrect!)
    • Bosscout
    • By Bosscout 12th May 18, 4:35 PM
    • 74 Posts
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    Bosscout
    • #6
    • 12th May 18, 4:35 PM
    • #6
    • 12th May 18, 4:35 PM
    We moved first, but that's because we couldn't possibly have fitted a cot or bed in our tiny flat, and it's easier to get a mortgage with no dependents! But you sound like you have more space.

    Still, never too early to start saving if you think you want to buy a place sometime soon. Or for having a child.
    • DigForVictory
    • By DigForVictory 12th May 18, 5:00 PM
    • 8,061 Posts
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    DigForVictory
    • #7
    • 12th May 18, 5:00 PM
    • #7
    • 12th May 18, 5:00 PM
    In the perfect world you would both marry & have a bigger space of your own first.
    In fact, life's short, pregnancy is rarely immediate But finances can be precarious things.

    How does fiancee feel about a registry office bash as soon as you're past 12 weeks? A bit white around the eyes?

    Or you changing your name to his, without "benefit of clergy" & other formalities but starting with telling the banks that wef X date you wish to be known as Q. (Not sure they'll cooperate, and a deed poll chit may help there or it may not - but the registrars won't give you as much hassle.)

    Yoru parents may feel somewhat whiplashed. I'm hoping they are still in the picture & aware of your hopes dreams & plans?

    If fiance genuinely wants to be a poppa, then I'd say start saving. (No idea how old you are, but presuming old enough not to be heading into these waters for the really stupid reasons.) So long as you are under 28, working, & healthy - do not succumb to the broody just yet but use his croonings (which I have to say are charming but mere words - it isn't him that'll be coping with morning sickness or the delivery suite, after all) to spur You Both to further money saving exertions.

    You work with children - you know the volume of storage space let alone floor area per child. I managed 3 under 5 in a two bed terrace but we moved (Never Again) to a much bigger place & it's still got elbow room even now they are lanky teenagers.

    Very best of luck!
    • z1a
    • By z1a 12th May 18, 5:42 PM
    • 1,467 Posts
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    z1a
    • #8
    • 12th May 18, 5:42 PM
    • #8
    • 12th May 18, 5:42 PM
    "But I'm just asking out of curiosity ; how small would be too small to raise a child? Our house is 42meter squared."

    That's huge - 1764 square metres.
    • Pollycat
    • By Pollycat 12th May 18, 5:53 PM
    • 20,693 Posts
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    Pollycat
    • #9
    • 12th May 18, 5:53 PM
    • #9
    • 12th May 18, 5:53 PM
    I think you should forget about the hassles with your family, concentrate on the wedding you're planning and think about having a family somewhat latter.


    From reading your threads, you seem somewhat obsessive.
    • Tabbytabitha
    • By Tabbytabitha 12th May 18, 7:10 PM
    • 4,166 Posts
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    Tabbytabitha
    "But I'm just asking out of curiosity ; how small would be too small to raise a child? Our house is 42meter squared."

    That's huge - 1764 square metres.
    Originally posted by z1a
    • Charleyalmostking
    • By Charleyalmostking 12th May 18, 7:25 PM
    • 147 Posts
    • 154 Thanks
    Charleyalmostking
    I'm not too sure where you are getting at or what you mean DigForVictory?

    We'll defo wait for at least 6 months before having kids,
    hes okay with it, i'm waiting until married any way... we're keeping our names until we are married

    my parents know i want kids, even before i met my fiance ,
    they don't really care like they say it's my life not theirs...they aren't fussed if we get married or have kids first etc. my mum only got married because she got pregnant before marriage and my dad had to prove to my grandad ... he said to my dad "well,what are you going to do?" his response was to get married...
    Wedding Fund: £1107.23 / £2,500 Xmas'18: £100.00 / £300.00 Emergency Fund: £100.00 / £1,000H2B ISA: £30.50
    • sheepy21
    • By sheepy21 12th May 18, 8:34 PM
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    sheepy21
    I really think you need to get a handle on yourself, you've made multiple threads about issues with your family and have been seemingly depressed about it. You're now discussing having a baby, I think you need to hold your horses, get your head straight with your existing family problems, have your wedding and see how things go. Having a baby is huge, until you've done it you honestly have no idea, you need to be in the best place possible in so many ways; physically, mentally, financially etc.
    To answer your question, honestly I think 42 square metres is too small, you need room for all their essentials, toys and space to run around. Our house is about 3x what you're living in and I'd honestly say you need twice the space you currently have.
    • LilElvis
    • By LilElvis 12th May 18, 9:16 PM
    • 3,822 Posts
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    LilElvis
    A baby is in a moses basket for a few months and then they need a cot, followed by a toddler bed then a full sized one. The "baby stage" goes by in a flash and then a child will need more space and the two of you will need your privacy too. Can you afford to rent somewhere larger plus pay for childcare whilst you are at work? You don't have any savings whilst it's just the two of you living in a very small place so either your earnings are very low or you have prioritised spending over saving. You have a lot of things to consider in addition to the size of your home before having a child, but you are obviously very young so you have no time pressures on you.
    • nobile
    • By nobile 12th May 18, 9:58 PM
    • 506 Posts
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    nobile
    Poor child
    • Gloomendoom
    • By Gloomendoom 12th May 18, 10:38 PM
    • 14,781 Posts
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    Gloomendoom
    He'd like to be married first which I understand and respect as his parent's aren't married themselves but 'practically married' as they have been together since they were teens (their now in their 40's) and have been engaged for many years.
    Originally posted by Charleyalmostking
    If there is no intention to marry, they aren't engaged.

    But I'm just asking out of curiosity ; how small would be too small to raise a child? Our house is 42meter squared.
    Children are raised in caravans. My parents flat was smaller than 42 square metres when they had me. I haven't done too badly.
    “Never argue with stupid people, they will drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience.” - Mark Twain
    • rach_k
    • By rach_k 13th May 18, 7:56 AM
    • 1,302 Posts
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    rach_k
    Children don't need anywhere near all the stuff most people end up with, and babies need very little - milk, somebody warm who loves them, several changes of clothes, nappies, a bathroom (or kitchen sink!), some books and a small box of toys or 'toys' like the TV remote! If you're organised, you'll be fine in a very small space, but it is easier with more space.
    • Pollycat
    • By Pollycat 13th May 18, 9:30 AM
    • 20,693 Posts
    • 55,631 Thanks
    Pollycat
    A baby is in a moses basket for a few months and then they need a cot, followed by a toddler bed then a full sized one. The "baby stage" goes by in a flash and then a child will need more space and the two of you will need your privacy too. Can you afford to rent somewhere larger plus pay for childcare whilst you are at work? You don't have any savings whilst it's just the two of you living in a very small place so either your earnings are very low or you have prioritised spending over saving. You have a lot of things to consider in addition to the size of your home before having a child, but you are obviously very young so you have no time pressures on you.
    Originally posted by LilElvis
    The OP is currently saving for her wedding.

    Given the threads on family issues - 2 of which were started in the last week - plus the wedding, I'd have thought the OP has enough going on in her life without assessing what is adequate floor space for a baby.
    • Gloomendoom
    • By Gloomendoom 13th May 18, 9:49 AM
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    Gloomendoom
    The OP is currently saving for her wedding.

    Given the threads on family issues - 2 of which were started in the last week - plus the wedding, I'd have thought the OP has enough going on in her life without assessing what is adequate floor space for a baby.
    Originally posted by Pollycat
    She does say "For future reference ".
    “Never argue with stupid people, they will drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience.” - Mark Twain
    • Pollycat
    • By Pollycat 13th May 18, 10:01 AM
    • 20,693 Posts
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    Pollycat
    She does say "For future reference ".
    Originally posted by Gloomendoom
    I know she does.

    And I can understand discussions between her and her husband-to-be.

    But it all seems a bit premature to be asking random strangers on t'internet if her current house is big enough.
    IMHO.
    • iammumtoone
    • By iammumtoone 13th May 18, 10:48 AM
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    iammumtoone
    I know she does.

    And I can understand discussions between her and her husband-to-be.

    But it all seems a bit premature to be asking random strangers on t'internet if her current house is big enough.
    IMHO.
    Originally posted by Pollycat
    Why?

    People like to have long term plans or at least an idea of why they are going to do, as long as they appreciate it may not happen that way, whats the harm in planning.

    marriage/baby/house
    marriage/house/baby

    Those are major events, big decisions I don't see the harm in asking advise on what other people think at this stage even if it is years off.
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