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  • FIRST POST
    • Freckles
    • By Freckles 14th Mar 18, 11:03 AM
    • 22Posts
    • 87Thanks
    Freckles
    My Hubby hid his debt from me for 18 months!
    • #1
    • 14th Mar 18, 11:03 AM
    My Hubby hid his debt from me for 18 months! 14th Mar 18 at 11:03 AM
    Not really sure how to start this but here goes.....

    Over the Christmas and New Year break my husband decided to confess to me (whilst planning a holiday) that he was in quite a bit of trouble with money. When I asked how bad the response I got was astounding, he said he had 5 or 6 credit cards and about £30k across them all

    On asking why/how/wth I was told that he'd just got himself into a cycle and didn't know how to get out of it. He earns £70k, I earn £30k, with a mortgage, savings (!!), we aren't wealthy but we are comfortable.

    I don't look after his money but I do look after the credit cards, so he'd been doing this without my knowledge. In the past, when he'd plan things and I couldn't afford them we wouldn't do them but I'd noticed he'd been saying he'd cover it but I didn't question it.

    When it came down to it there were 7 credit cards and £36k
    He'd been paying off the minimum and they were mostly interest-free, so we had that saving grace, but he also admitted to taking money out of them to lend to friends in need - £4k
    On top of this, I'd just bought a car to the tune of £15k because he said he would go halves with me on the cost, I would never have bought the car if I'd known about all of this.
    We'd also booked and paid for flights to America which we couldn't cancel or move as we'd bought them during the BA sale - hence the start of the post when he mentioned all of this to me.

    So what did I do I hear you say...........

    I spent two days, TWO, going through everything, going through our finances, savings - of which he has hardly any - finding out all the amounts on all of his credit cards, checking the amount owed on our monthly card and just as a side thought checking the holiday card. Good job too, he'd put £5k on that too, admittedly he'd used it when travelling abroad with work but he hadn't paid it off when he got his expenses paid. I'd not checked the online statement as I thought it was cleared after our last holiday in April!!
    Now the total is up to £41k and 10 credit cards between us.......as you can imagine my weekend, at this point, isn't going well. Three weeks into dry January and the wine came out, he's had the balls to say to me I couldn't have any wine brave man

    By halfway through the bottle I'd had enough and called it a day, I wasn't going to make rational choices and decisions whilst drinking.

    Day two and I started early....

    Everything was on a spreadsheet, credit cards, mortgages, bank accounts (money in and out), car payments, bed payments (Oh yeah I forgot about that, bought a new bed, interest-free if we paid over 3 months - which we did). Now the fun really started, long story short we are now down to 5 credit cards.

    1 is our monthly Tesco card, gets paid off each month. He isn't allowed to use it other than as a Tesco card so that's all down to me.
    1 is our holiday card.
    3 now contain all of the debt from the 9 cards he'd racked up debt on. The spreadsheet has all of the details of what cards were transferred on to which, when the interest rate comes out of the 0% stage, a reminder of when to look at transferring again and the monthly amount that is paid.
    The other cards I have kept ready for when I need to start this again as it will be easier for me to use existing cards than get denied an application. Each one has a red E, written in nail varnish, so I know what's what.

    I have estimated that this will take 3 years to pay off, hopefully, less time if we can put extra on as and when. I have agreed to pay £10k of it as it includes a couple of holidays he said he'd pay for, yes I know he said he'd pay but I went on them and enjoyed them so it's only fair.

    The 'friends in need' have started to pay the money back and everyone should have paid their debt by June, this debt is going straight on to the credit cards.

    He has been told, by the pain of divorce as that will cost him more than if I killed him as then that will be my debt, he will never do this again, he will not have control of his spending until this is all paid off and any spend over £50, of any kind, gets discussed first.

    Now some of you may be thinking back to the top and the holiday planning, the non-refundable flights. As I mentioned before, hubby travels a lot with work, he can be away 4 or 5 nights a week. He has a good stash of IHG and BA points.
    We go on holiday 2 weeks on Friday, 2 weeks between LA, Las Vegas, New Orleans and Miami. All hotels have been booked using IHG points and with a limit of £40 per night extra. Transfer flights have been booked using BA points, the cheapest was £4.63 from New Orleans to Miami. The most expensive was £63 from Las Vegas to New Orleans. The most expensive hotel was Las Vegas at £120 a night for 2 nights as we forgot it was Easter weekend.
    We are going to have an amazing time and have made a game out of how much money we can save. I wasn't going to lose the money on the flights so it's a lesson in money saving and holidays on a budget.
    I know there will be those of you thinking 'but that's further expense' yes it is but that's my choice. Everything else is now in order and I plan to keep it that way.

    I am proud to say, with my amazing spreadsheet, transfer of debts from card to card and general penny pinching we have paid off £2864.15 since the beginning of January we are getting there.
    You are also the only people who I have told the whole story too!!
    Last edited by Freckles; 14-03-2018 at 11:06 AM.
    What contemptible scoundrel stole the cork from my lunch?

    Paid off £6051.04 debt since Jan 18, and counting. Still got 2 years to go
Page 1
    • LiveLifeFull
    • By LiveLifeFull 14th Mar 18, 11:20 AM
    • 83 Posts
    • 227 Thanks
    LiveLifeFull
    • #2
    • 14th Mar 18, 11:20 AM
    • #2
    • 14th Mar 18, 11:20 AM
    Didn't want to read and run - but you seem very positive considering the circumstances!


    Good luck and I'll keep reading with interest!
    My CC - Feb 18 £849.69 Mar 18 £839.95 Apr 18 £705.78
    My OD - Feb 18 £1250.00 Mar 18 £1250.00 Apr 18 £1250.00
    OH CC - Feb 18 £976.00 Mar 18 £901.00 Apr 18 £802.00
    OH OD - Feb 18 £500.00 Mar 18 £500.00 Apr 18 £500.00
    TOTAL OD/CC DEBT: Feb 18 £3575.69 Mar 18 £3490.95 Apr 18 £3257.78
    OD/CC DEBT FREE DATE: OCTOBER 2018
    • January2015
    • By January2015 14th Mar 18, 11:24 AM
    • 2,065 Posts
    • 5,145 Thanks
    January2015
    • #3
    • 14th Mar 18, 11:24 AM
    • #3
    • 14th Mar 18, 11:24 AM
    Well done

    Perhaps ask a moderator to move this thread to the diary section and make it your diary. Keep at track of your progress - it definitely keeps the motivation going.

    Good luck and enjoy the holiday.
    DFW Nerd No. 1484 LBM 07/01/15 Debt was £95k I'm driving it down
    £1k emergency fund (member #84) £1k/£1k
    [COLOR=Blue][SIZE=2]
    • Freckles
    • By Freckles 14th Mar 18, 11:51 AM
    • 22 Posts
    • 87 Thanks
    Freckles
    • #4
    • 14th Mar 18, 11:51 AM
    • #4
    • 14th Mar 18, 11:51 AM
    Thank you, I didn't know you could do that.

    I will add, I am doing the 1p a day for 2018 - I couldn't afford the same as your £1
    What contemptible scoundrel stole the cork from my lunch?

    Paid off £6051.04 debt since Jan 18, and counting. Still got 2 years to go
    • Mnd
    • By Mnd 14th Mar 18, 1:10 PM
    • 503 Posts
    • 607 Thanks
    Mnd
    • #5
    • 14th Mar 18, 1:10 PM
    • #5
    • 14th Mar 18, 1:10 PM
    Crickey! What a response by you.
    I loved the comment about not killing him, you must have been tempted!

    I would be in a right mood all through the holiday!!
    Don't put him in the overhead lockers on the flight like they did in American with a dog today.the dog died!
    Hope everything works out ok
    I agree with making this a diary.I would be following with interest

    Have a wonderful holiday
    Last edited by Mnd; 14-03-2018 at 1:12 PM.
    • Freckles
    • By Freckles 14th Mar 18, 1:31 PM
    • 22 Posts
    • 87 Thanks
    Freckles
    • #6
    • 14th Mar 18, 1:31 PM
    • #6
    • 14th Mar 18, 1:31 PM
    Crickey! What a response by you.
    I loved the comment about not killing him, you must have been tempted!
    Originally posted by Mnd
    Wasn't it just, I think he definitely knows I love him now, 14 years together, 7 years married. I know a lot of relationships that have failed for less than this!
    I didn't start off with the intention of writing all of that but once I started it just all came out, I feel quite cathartic about it now I am not alone in this.

    I won't be in a mood for the holiday as we are going to all the places I want to go, I made sure of that. I did see about that poor little dog, I might just stash hubby in the coat cupboard instead

    I have asked to have it moved so watch this space. I will definitely keep it up, even if I can see just how everything pans out. Thank you for your words of encouragement
    What contemptible scoundrel stole the cork from my lunch?

    Paid off £6051.04 debt since Jan 18, and counting. Still got 2 years to go
    • enthusiasticsaver
    • By enthusiasticsaver 14th Mar 18, 1:52 PM
    • 6,383 Posts
    • 13,107 Thanks
    enthusiasticsaver
    • #7
    • 14th Mar 18, 1:52 PM
    • #7
    • 14th Mar 18, 1:52 PM
    Well done. I would have been mad but at least you have a plan. Do you want me to move this to the diary section or have you asked another board guide?
    Debt free and mortgage free and early retiree. Living the dream

    I'm a Board Guide on the Debt-Free Wannabe, Mortgages and Endowments, Banking and Budgeting boards. I volunteer to help get your forum questions answered and keep the forum running smoothly. Any views are mine and not the official line of moneysavingexpert.com. Pease remember, board guides don't read every post. If you spot an illegal or inappropriate post then please report it to forumteam@moneysavingexpert.com
    • Freckles
    • By Freckles 14th Mar 18, 2:13 PM
    • 22 Posts
    • 87 Thanks
    Freckles
    • #8
    • 14th Mar 18, 2:13 PM
    • #8
    • 14th Mar 18, 2:13 PM
    Well done. I would have been mad but at least you have a plan. Do you want me to move this to the diary section or have you asked another board guide?
    Originally posted by enthusiasticsaver
    I was mad but 10 years of the weekly email and looking through this site and I knew instantly what I needed to do.

    If you don't mind, I sent a message to Fermi but I'm not sure if they are the right person to do it
    What contemptible scoundrel stole the cork from my lunch?

    Paid off £6051.04 debt since Jan 18, and counting. Still got 2 years to go
    • enthusiasticsaver
    • By enthusiasticsaver 14th Mar 18, 6:10 PM
    • 6,383 Posts
    • 13,107 Thanks
    enthusiasticsaver
    • #9
    • 14th Mar 18, 6:10 PM
    • #9
    • 14th Mar 18, 6:10 PM
    Moved to diaries section
    Debt free and mortgage free and early retiree. Living the dream

    I'm a Board Guide on the Debt-Free Wannabe, Mortgages and Endowments, Banking and Budgeting boards. I volunteer to help get your forum questions answered and keep the forum running smoothly. Any views are mine and not the official line of moneysavingexpert.com. Pease remember, board guides don't read every post. If you spot an illegal or inappropriate post then please report it to forumteam@moneysavingexpert.com
    • Mnd
    • By Mnd 14th Mar 18, 6:25 PM
    • 503 Posts
    • 607 Thanks
    Mnd
    I didn't mean a spoil your holiday mood, I meant 1 of those selective, make him suffer moods!
    • thegreenone
    • By thegreenone 14th Mar 18, 6:45 PM
    • 197 Posts
    • 354 Thanks
    thegreenone
    Enjoy your holiday and the moment you step off the plane back in the UK, make sure hubby knows this is the start of a new debt-busting life.
    • Cumbria lass
    • By Cumbria lass 14th Mar 18, 6:46 PM
    • 1,788 Posts
    • 10,769 Thanks
    Cumbria lass
    Interesting read , look forward to following.
    CC1 £3655 April 2018.
    • UncannyScot
    • By UncannyScot 14th Mar 18, 7:03 PM
    • 1,415 Posts
    • 7,937 Thanks
    UncannyScot
    WOW!!! Just, WOW!!!
    Your OH is a VERY lucky man... very lucky indeed...
    Enjoy your Hols and the debt busting. Looking forward to following your progress
    BUGGRITMILLENIUMHANDANDSHRIMP I TOLD EM! - Foul Ole Ron
    It is important that we know where we come from, because if you do not know where you come from, then you do not know where you are, and if you don't know where you are, then you don't know where you are going. If you don't know where you're going, you're probably going wrong.
    R.I.P. T.P.
    • Seasidegal58
    • By Seasidegal58 14th Mar 18, 7:59 PM
    • 1,912 Posts
    • 11,753 Thanks
    Seasidegal58
    Was enthralled by your posts and have subscribed. Well done you for sorting things out so you can both make a fresh start. I would add that reading some posts in the past from people who were afraid to tell their OH's about their secret debt, I would think your OH has been quaking in his shoes gathering up the courage to confess to you and must be so relieved you haven't (a) left him, or (b) boiled him in oil.

    Have a great holiday, but keep in mind thegreenone's previous post for when you get back!

    Looking forward to following your journey.
    Finally Debt Free! - July 2016
    Finished Emergency Fund- £10,000 April 2017

    Next Scrimpy Goal - Ad Hoc Savings - 20/05/2018: £646.59
    [CONOR=red]MONTHS TO RETIREMENT: 36!
    My diary: “Paid off the £31,0000! BUT- still scrimping!”
    [/COLOR]
    • beanielou
    • By beanielou 14th Mar 18, 10:18 PM
    • 53,939 Posts
    • 213,720 Thanks
    beanielou
    I agree with this.
    Lou~ Debt free Wanabe No 55 DF 03/03/14.
    **Credit card debt free 30/06/10~** **Weight loss 2 stone 11 lbs **

    "A large income is the best recipe for happiness I ever heard of" Jane Austen in Mansfield Park.
    ***Fall down seven times,stand up eight*** ~~Japanese proverb.
    It starts with you, it starts from now. *** It is ok to be me.***
    ***Keep plodding***
    Out of debt, out of danger.
    • wishingthemortgaheaway
    • By wishingthemortgaheaway 14th Mar 18, 10:27 PM
    • 1,319 Posts
    • 6,140 Thanks
    wishingthemortgaheaway
    Wow. Go you.

    Have a lovely holiday.

    The only thing that concerns me about your hubby and the new spending plan is the £50 limit. Do you think he's had enough of a lbm that means he won't go out and spend several lots of £40/£45 there fore under the limit but adding up?

    What about a prepay card with his monthly 'spends' money on it? Would that work for him?
    The 100 payment countdown (each payment = £400) 2018 Starts at 13/100 o/s £34,750.
    Jan 18 14/100 Feb 15/100 March 18/100 April 19/100
    Term Mortgage free date: October 2029 Current mortgage free date: April 2025 March 2024 Jan 2024
    MFW 2018 Challenge Member #162 £1600ish/£2,500
    • knightstyle
    • By knightstyle 14th Mar 18, 10:45 PM
    • 4,716 Posts
    • 1,752 Thanks
    knightstyle
    Well done you! Many years ago i was in a similar situation and came out of it divorced and looking after two children whilst working full time, by the way I am a man! My ex still kept spending on cancelled joint cards!!!!
    Have you thought of giving hubby just one card to use that you keep tabs on every week?
    Oh plus some friends have cheap holidays by house and pet sitting, just pay to get there.
    • Iamzee
    • By Iamzee 14th Mar 18, 11:28 PM
    • 61 Posts
    • 70 Thanks
    Iamzee
    Well done! Interesting story. You did the right thing for sorting things out. It's not easy but good thing you knew the best way possible.
    • Sayschezza
    • By Sayschezza 14th Mar 18, 11:37 PM
    • 255 Posts
    • 2,334 Thanks
    Sayschezza
    The only thing that concerns me about your hubby and the new spending plan is the £50 limit. Do you think he's had enough of a lbm that means he won't go out and spend several lots of £40/£45 there fore under the limit but adding up?
    Originally posted by wishingthemortgaheaway
    You have to trust if you love. when one dies so does the other.
    • Freckles
    • By Freckles 3rd Apr 18, 10:15 AM
    • 22 Posts
    • 87 Thanks
    Freckles
    Enjoy your holiday and the moment you step off the plane back in the UK, make sure hubby knows this is the start of a new debt-busting life.
    Originally posted by thegreenone
    Oh yes, he definitely knows this is the start of the debt-free life, trust me!!
    What contemptible scoundrel stole the cork from my lunch?

    Paid off £6051.04 debt since Jan 18, and counting. Still got 2 years to go
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