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    • zoeprosserr
    • By zoeprosserr 5th Oct 17, 1:48 PM
    • 2Posts
    • 2Thanks
    OH Dilemma!
    • #1
    • 5th Oct 17, 1:48 PM
    OH Dilemma! 5th Oct 17 at 1:48 PM
    Hi all, This my first post but i just want to get it all out somewhere and possibly get some advice (or just reassurance)

    Long story short, I'm trying to get out of debt! We're not being chased, or any court order or CCJ's, but just for piece of mind, as I'm sure many of you are aware it's driving me insane, knowing i'm not debt free!
    Me and my other half combined have a total of around 13k in debt, 6k is his, 5k is combined (sofa and joint car finance) and 2k is mine. After hours of calculations, I have worked if we just over pay on various direct debits by an extra 200 a month then we will be able to clear the debts by October 2019, rather than with our current payments and still having debts until May 2021!!
    The only problem is......He doesn't want to commit to the extra 200 a month!!
    I've said that this just means that we'll have more (disposable) money sooner, but he's having none of it
    Should i increase the payments on my one debt and just leave his as is, or should i try and convince him further? I'm at the end of my tether
Page 1
    • EssexHebridean
    • By EssexHebridean 5th Oct 17, 4:13 PM
    • 8,717 Posts
    • 45,965 Thanks
    • #2
    • 5th Oct 17, 4:13 PM
    • #2
    • 5th Oct 17, 4:13 PM
    We say on here a lot - you can't have a lightbulb moment for someone else, unfortunately. It sounds like you've well and truly had yours though, so if I were you I'd strike at your own side of things while the iron is hot as it were!

    It may well be as he sees you knuckling down and making extra payments, and ultimately being free of your own personal debt - that he'll think "hang on, I want a piece of that" - but the decision does need to come from him. If I were you, tackle your own 2k first - cut back and make savings to throw extra at it where you can, and be careful to word things carefully if he suggests - for example - going out for dinner but you don't want the spend - "I can't afford that" is likely to make him go off the moneysaving ideas even further while "Oh I don't know that I fancy that - tell you what, why don;t we cook a nice *insert favourite meal of choice* together and then have a cosy night in?" Make sure you include space in your budget for some fun stuff but keep a track of your spending so you know money isn't getting frittered. You can of course also divert any savings you can make on joint spending to the joint debts as well - assuming they can be paid off early without penalty?

    Give it a few months and then show him the impact you've had - and leave him to draw his own conclusions - whatever he decides to do then, you're in a better position regardless.
    MORTGAGE FREE 30/09/2016
    Sainsbugs 0% card: 22/12/16 1229.00/982.19 (04/06/18)
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    • UncannyScot
    • By UncannyScot 5th Oct 17, 6:28 PM
    • 1,467 Posts
    • 8,220 Thanks
    • #3
    • 5th Oct 17, 6:28 PM
    • #3
    • 5th Oct 17, 6:28 PM
    Hello and welcome

    Totally agree with EH on this one...
    Sort yours "lead by example" as it were and hopefully OH will have their own LBM...
    It is important that we know where we come from, because if you do not know where you come from, then you do not know where you are, and if you don't know where you are, then you don't know where you are going. If you don't know where you're going, you're probably going wrong.
    R.I.P. T.P.
    • Buffythedebtslayer
    • By Buffythedebtslayer 5th Oct 17, 8:33 PM
    • 15,177 Posts
    • 50,235 Thanks
    • #4
    • 5th Oct 17, 8:33 PM
    • #4
    • 5th Oct 17, 8:33 PM
    I am so deeply entrenchingly (not a word) single that I do find it difficult to consider situations like this, but this is the internet so here I go anyway

    I think I would pay off my debts as fast as possible and then hope he notices (either that you are paying more or that you have more money to have more fun with ) and joins in.

    I don't know if this is a thing but I would probably worry about paying off more than him? but maybe if what's yours mine and what's mine is yours it wouldn't matter.

    I think once you get the feeling the debts need to go it is difficult to ignore. lots of luck

    Frugal Living Challenge, Pound a Day challenge, Sealed Pot Challenge Debt 4990 (March)
    • chevalier
    • By chevalier 6th Oct 17, 7:38 AM
    • 7,762 Posts
    • 18,046 Thanks
    • #5
    • 6th Oct 17, 7:38 AM
    • #5
    • 6th Oct 17, 7:38 AM
    rather than tell him show him
    put your debts into the snowball calculator. then the payments as they are now, how much interest do you pay.
    then redo it with the extra 200 added in, how much interest do you save. This might be enough motivation....
    I want a job that is less than an hour driving away from my house! Are you listening universe?
    • zoeprosserr
    • By zoeprosserr 6th Oct 17, 7:14 PM
    • 2 Posts
    • 2 Thanks
    • #6
    • 6th Oct 17, 7:14 PM
    • #6
    • 6th Oct 17, 7:14 PM
    Thanks all for the advice! I think It's going to be a case of tackling my own and hoping it'll persuade him on his own!
    I think maybe he won't like it at first, as we've always shared money and it's always been a case of it being 'ours' rather than 'mine' and 'his'
    But saying that, we also consider all the debt to be 'ours' too, so maybe once my 2k starts going down he'll see how much pressure is lifted and change his mind on the rest!
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