Buying a house with partner. He's paying deposit. We have 2 children.

Jennyrl · 16 September 2017 at 2:14PM

Hi there.!

I am desperately looking for some advice.!

I have been with my partner for 8 years we have two children together aged 3 and 1. We are in the process of buying our first home together. Ignorantly we had not discussed ownership options until the solicitors paperwork came in.!

As my partner is puting down the full deposit from his father's inheritence he feels he should protect this and in the event of a break up I should walk away with just my 50 % share of the equity. Therefore he favours option 3 tennants in common unequal shares.!

I have to say I disagree with this. Our relationship has always been equal thus far. I currently work part time and look after the kids, supporting him to boost his career. I see no reason that our relationship and anything we chose to own together shouldn't be equal.

I'm looking for the security that if feel I deserve having contriubuted thus far and plan to do so for the rest of my life. If we were married I don't think this would be an issue. Why should I be treated or have less security for my kids and I should things go wrong.!

He thinks a good compromise would be to sign a tenancy in common unequal shares whereby he will write over 25% of the deposit to me on top of shared equity. The advice I have sought from all kinds of people in my life is that i should agree to no less than equal ownership. We are in a living and committed relationship. He has even divulged plans to propose to me in June. Something we have waited 8 years for. I don't see why I should wait another couple of years until we are married to feel secure.!

Please please advice. We both want to go ahead with this purchase but we are struggling to agree what is right in terms of ownership. Complete loggerheads. It's such a shame as all this hurt and upset at the most exciting time of our lives is over some small possibility things go wrong some time far down the line.

chesky · 16 September 2017 at 2:23PM

He has even divulged plans to propose to me in June.

Have you divulged right back whether or not you're planning to accept?
Do you both see this as him doing you some kind of favour?

*max* · 16 September 2017 at 2:34PM

This will probably be unpopular, but I'm with him. If I were in either of your positions, I wouldn't want to 1.potentially lose a lot of money to someone else in the event of a break up (and let's face it, it happens more often than we'd like to think!), but then 2. neither would I entertain demanding a share of my partner's inheritance that he used to benefit us both. A 50/50 shared equity is fair IMO.

Mojisola · 16 September 2017 at 2:41PM

Jennyrl wrote: »

If we were married I don't think this would be an issue.

Why should I be treated or have less security for my kids and I should things go wrong!

He has even divulged plans to propose to me in June.

Something we have waited 8 years for.

But you're not married

- if neither you nor he have felt committed enough get married so far, I can understand him wanting to protect his inheritance.

If the inheritance was yours, would you honestly be prepared to risk losing half of it if the relationship broke down next year?

mattpaint · 16 September 2017 at 3:09PM

Why do you feel you are entitled to the money his father worked his entire life for?

peachyprice · 16 September 2017 at 3:17PM

Jennyrl wrote: »

As my partner is puting down the full deposit from his father's inheritence he feels he should protect this and in the event of a break up I should walk away with just my 50 % share of the equity. Therefore he favours option 3 tennants in common unequal shares.!

Seems perfectly reasonable to me, it's the way my husband and I have things arranged, our deposit came from my previous house sale.

maisie_cat · 16 September 2017 at 3:20PM

I have to say that having put in more deposit in 2 previous relationships, and having had to split it equally when we split I would want the same thing.
My now husband & I had different approaches before we met, I was virtually mortgage free while he had a 100% mortgage and a much larger pension. When we bought we documented the 90:10 equity split and are tenants in common.

copperclock · 16 September 2017 at 3:24PM

Jennyrl wrote: »

He has even divulged plans to propose to me in June. Something we have waited 8 years for.

So he's planning to plan to marry you? Why is he waiting until June?

Is the deposit large?

Edit: maybe you should consult a family solicitor on what is likely to happen if you break up with regards to who might stay in the house and who 'walks away' in the light of having young children.

easilydistracted · 16 September 2017 at 3:27PM

I brought the deposit into my relationship and had a trust deed drawn up that I'd get it back if we split. Beyond that the house is 50-50. However we we'd not been together long in the grand scheme of things. 3 and a half years in I'm not sure the agreements still appropriate. He earns less and has a child to pay for so contributes a bit less but we are a family unit and he does a lot round the house. If it was 8 years in and two children I would be really unhappy at his idea! However it's a close and probably raw bereavement. Maybe you need some counselling to decide. It's the sort of thing that rots relationships!

selement · 16 September 2017 at 5:06PM

Just to be awkward I'm going to disagree with what others have said a little. I earn more than my partner and my parents have helped us more financially but I split everything in half. We recently bought a hoise together but if never say it was 'my' deposit money it was in a shared account and so shared money. We get equal spending money each month and joint savings.
It'll be a nightmare if we split granted but to really be a family with someone I think you should be willing to share everything

lika_86 · 16 September 2017 at 5:14PM

I presume that his father wanted to see his son provided for either in a will or that the money has passed to your OH in intestacy (in which case is his mum no longer around either?). I'm sure if his dad had wanted you to be entitled to a share of the money then he had plenty of time to provide for that too. Why do you feel you are entitled to half of that money if you broke up? Why do you feel insecure without it?

As it is, the money and your partner are facilitating the purchase of a home for you both and your children. You will have the benefit of that and half of a share in the equity after the deposit has been returned to your partner. You are not being hard done by here.

Buying a house with partner. He's paying deposit. We have 2 children.

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