How do I stop job control my life?

livewire_82 · 18 April 2017 at 10:03AM

I work for a fast paced office based company, doing long hours which include unpaid overtime. On a typical week, I'd do 50 hours a week but it is sometimes more than this.
Recently, I've been diagnosed with stress and also suffer with anxiety. I feel like my body has put up with what I've been putting it through as long as it can but it's now reached its limit and I've crashed.
It's given me a big wake up call that I need to re-evaluate the priorities in my life. I have a DW and a 15 month old boy who I care for both so much - but don't show enough as my job takes everything out of me. I just want to get some balance back in my life. This has been affecting my marriage and I've also been neglecting the goodness in my life too.
As far as I am concerned, there should be no requirement or obligation to regularly work overtime (for free) if a project is managed correctly by all persons involved. The trouble is, everyone else on my department does not seem as concerned about the hold the job has on them so they stay back and I feel guilty if I'm the first one to get my coat to go home. I'm struggling to find ways of convincing myself that this is ok and worried that I'm going to be seen as someone who is not a team-player. If I speak to my boss, I'm worried I'll be seen as a weak link who can't take the pace. But at the same time I don't want to leave the company as I really enjoy the work I do and the people I work with.

sangie595 · 18 April 2017 at 10:15AM

Well something has got to give! You either continue doing this, or you stop. There isn't a compromise situation on this one. So I don't think there's any other option than speaking to your line manager. Before you do that, you might want to think through some strategies though.

For example, it's all very well saying that well run projects shouldn't need that much overtime. Easy to say - what's your solution? Really, that is the key to this - offer solutions to the issues and you won't be the weak link, you'll be the strategic thinker!

I'd also suggest that you are honest. There are decades of research and evidence of the detrimental impacts of poor work- life balance and stress. You need to explain that you recognise that this is becoming an issue, and you want to do something about it BEFORE it becomes a problem or you end up sick. This is about how you work as partners to achieve what you both need - you won't be the first and you won't be the last, and burning out your workers is a poor way of operating. It's in everyone's interests to work on solutions.

Finally, in these environments, there sometimes are times when it is all hands to the deck. If that happens, the employer needs to be confident they can still rely on you. Making it clear that this is about the generality of the work loaf, not the occasional pushers, will help to reassure the employer, as will telling them flat out toy don't want to have tho choose between your life and your job because you love both!

TELLIT01 · 18 April 2017 at 11:58AM

livewire_82 wrote: »

As far as I am concerned, there should be no requirement or obligation to regularly work overtime (for free) if a project is managed correctly by all persons involved.
If I speak to my boss, I'm worried I'll be seen as a weak link who can't take the pace. But at the same time I don't want to leave the company as I really enjoy the work I do and the people I work with.

Your absolutely right that there shouldn't be a requirement for regular overtime if a project is managed properly. Unfortunately very few are, and you are suffering the consequences. I saw the same problem a lot over the latter part of my working life. More and more expected, with less and less in return.
The truth is that you can't take the pace, but that doesn't make you a weak link in my opinion. You have recognised the problem and realised that something has to change. You must speak to your boss in the first instance and tell them clearly that you can't continue working excessive hours. Even being able to cut back for a few weeks may help to recharge your batteries. If the company is not supportive you have to make the choice between your family and your health, or the job. I know which I would pick.

Sncjw · 18 April 2017 at 12:15PM

Why are you working for free. Does it take you under minimum wage all these hours your working

pinkshoes · 18 April 2017 at 12:24PM

Tell them that three nights a week your wife has an evening commitment so you need at leave at 5pm.

Could you come in a bit to work earlier, then tell people you started early so leaving on time?

sangie595 · 18 April 2017 at 12:45PM

Sncjw wrote: »

Why are you working for free. Does it take you under minimum wage all these hours your working

In these situations this doesn't apply. Nobody is forcing them to work - it's classed as voluntary overtime and not included in the wage calculation.

getmore4less · 18 April 2017 at 1:19PM

Sometimes this sort of environment becomes a self fulfilling spiral of fear.

People start staying even when they have nothing really important to do because it is (seen to be) expected.

Managers start inventing important stuff
Stuff starts becoming important of handed over later and later in the day and needs to be done NOW.

one trick is identify the really important stuff that create value and the stuff that no one would notice if it did not get done till the next day(some will never be needed or used anyway).

if you can get the stuff done you can wean yourself off the cycle starting with a bit earlier odd days someone has to be first to leave some days it can be you

The next part of the time management cycle is managing future workloads and expectation by getting those giving/creating work to prioritize in your workload and set realistic deadline within the workload framework.
Once the timeline is full any new stuff has to bump out something else or go to the end, the everything is important and has to be done response if the sign of bad management when it happens all the time.

One of my previous managers highlighted an important part of their job was to stop the !!!! before it got to their team and not just pass it on.

Takes a team effort to make the change but can be done with a move to a focus on the important stuff.

Another thing that can happen when overloaded is everyone loses the will to invest in productivity tools and process improvements go by the wayside because they are seen as time wasters when there is important(NOT) stuff to get done.

TELLIT01 · 18 April 2017 at 1:27PM

Sncjw wrote: »

Why are you working for free. Does it take you under minimum wage all these hours your working

From the OPs mention of project work, I'm surmising that it is a salaries role where a reasonable amount of overtime is expected to be undertaken. The problem is that what one person considered 'reasonable' is considered by another to be 'excessive' or 'taking the proverbial'.
I worked as a team manager in a previous job, I was one of 9 regional managers, and one one occasion our boss said to me that I wasn't putting in anything like as many hours as some of the others. My response was to ask if there was any problem with the work my team and myself were producing, to which the answer was 'No'. I then suggested that maybe he should be looking at the managers who were having to work long hours to complete what we did within the normal working day!

trailingspouse · 18 April 2017 at 2:47PM

When you are the first one to leave, don't sneak out hoping no-one will notice. Stand up straight, say to no-one in particular 'Well, that's me done for today. See you all tomorrow.' And walk out with you head held high.

Scorpio33 · 18 April 2017 at 3:15PM

My opinion on this is that this kind of working (expecting overtime every day) is part of the firms culture. The only way that this can be solved is by switching jobs to another firm. It is usually not an official policy and is very much driven by the boss of the team/department. However, that boss is only in his position because he fits in with the vision of the firms culture from up top.

Yes, you can leave on time when you work is done everyday, but then you will (a) not be seen as a team player or (b) be criticised for not helping others that are staying late with their work.

I often find that most employees in firms like this are just like the OP and do not want to stay late, but do so out of fear.

So my advice for the OP?

Stay if you are willing to fight to change the firms culture. However, be prepared for a HUGE resistance to that, and you won't be able to do that on your own.

Look for better options elsewhere and if one comes up (and you don't really want to leave your current job), use that as leverage with your boss so you can have an honest conversation with him about the culture..

In my experience, as soon as you complain about consistent excessive hours, most bosses and firms like this only hear that you don't want to do any overtime and don't want your job. If the boss and firm were genuinely concerned about this, they would be doing something about it already.

Scorpio33 · 18 April 2017 at 3:17PM

Just one question for the OP:

If you were recently diagnosed with stress and anxiety, I assume you had time off work?

If so, what did your work say to you when you returned? Surely they would have asked as to the cause of the stress and you had an opportunity to bring up this issue then? If so, what did they say?

How do I stop job control my life?

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